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Old 04-19-2013, 01:07 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Beyond 'gay'

I decided to start a new thread, after meeting with a new therapist today, because one of the things we talked about was pent up sexual energy, and how this tends to restrict creative energy. I've always been at my creative best when both are flowing freely.

I think she's going to be a good match. Quite a leisurely appointment, and she is certainly a quirky, artistic sort. The idea is to get on beyond the planning stage, and into the 'doing' stage, or so we decided was one goal. I'm amazed she studied with Erik Berne...I've always found Transactional Analysis and Gestalt therapy not only interesting, but very useful, so I was happy I took the time to do as much research as I did, and made as many calls. I have some 'tests' to fill out, regarding how I view my 'child' state, my degree of intro and extro version, which I always love doing. I'm going back next week, and in a few weeks, may attend a small group session, devoted to sex and relationships. I'm certain I'll be able to add some, um, 'colorful' elements to this

What else?

So, I was thinking: I have this box of old comics in storage, and I think I'm going to sell off all but my Ducks. (Scrooge, Donald). I might be able to raise between $800-1500 this way; I'm going to contact a dealer I've both bought and sold to several times in the past.

The goal? Well, to fix up the car, but mainly to order a rubber critter suit!

I was talking to a few rubber-furs, and I decided life is too short to wait around. What good are some musty old papers in a box in storage I haven't even looked at in 4 years??? Why not live now??? And DO something, rather than drink and **** and moan about what I'm not doing, but would like to?

I will always love playing as a pup, but I decided I want to have a latex skunk suit made. Form fitting body, inflatable tail and head, for 'shape'. And I think I even have devised a simple way so that I can spray a mist...though not one that smells like skunk! (Odd, the scent of skunk in the distance has never bothered me, I kind of life it, so long as it's not too close) I've always loved skunks, and I think it suits me. Nocturnal, gentle, fairly docile, but back me into a corner or make me mad, and you're gonna regret it! So I'm going to first have a sketch made of the suit, then submit it to Squeak Latex (who make such costumes), and get an estimate...they take 50% down, and 50% on delivery, and it takes about 6 months. It seems to suit me...A gentle, somewhat submissive sort, who can sometimes become aggressive. I had pondered other animals, but I think this suits me, as I've also joked about the idea of buying skunk oil, and targeting various people/places that have upset me, so much as to say, You stink! But this skunk will spray pretty smells, like bubble-gum...most of the time This would be a real hoot at a convention...and I like to mix a mirthful sense of silliness into my sexuality; maybe it seems like the oddest thing imaginable, but I see sex as a wide open canvass, ready to be painted in any way that doesn't harm others.


And so I think the appointment went well in that I have not felt this hopeful, in some time.


On a side note: Maybe I should have been a mascot?
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Old 04-20-2013, 11:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Husky!

You sound so upbeat, I'm so happy for you.

"Beyond Gay" is a perfect, I've been thinking that I spend a lot of time seeing myself from a somewhat discriminatory way (!) As in being defensive when it comes to my sexuality. Like you said, it's time to move past that, and into action :-)

Are you familiar with vector mathematics? They gave me such a headache in college, it's when you introduce the "Z" dimension to the old "X-Y" *flat* dimensioned charts. Something like this:



Instead of having a straight line like in a conventional flat XY chart, you end up with a 3D shaped vector:



In general, we tend to view sexuality in an XY way. Straight, Bi, Gay Lesbian, Trans. We plot a simple chart in our minds, and that's it. Ta-daa! Problem solved! In fact we see many things this way.

I think that it's time to add the "Y" dimension, to flesh out the flat XY stereotypes and replace them with three dimensional beings. It's time to view sexuality that way too.

I'm so happy that you decided to go ahead and buy a suit. Yeah, life is too short. Money issues are tricky; personally, I address money in a "flowing" way. Sometimes it's there, sometimes not so much, but I refuse to obsess over it, my goal is to enjoy myself, not to become a zillionaire. My passion is fish keeping, sometimes I'll spend a little more than I can really afford on, say, a magnificent discus. And it always turns out okay, I'll notice that I don't have as much money after indulging, but I shrug it off. Who cares, does it really matter? Just enjoy your suit when it arrives.

So, a skunk!! I'll be honest, I thought it was strange when I first read your post a moment ago, but now it sounds like a cool choice. Very cute. You'll have to post pics so we can all see you :p I think I'd choose a goldfish costume .. hmm. Though it wouldn't fit my personality. I'll have to think about it, lol.

I so want to start my archetypical analysis again, your post gave me a little push to get in touch with my old therapist again (it's been years now since I stopped going). What are the goals of your therapy?

These conventions you mentioned, I assume that you put on your suits once inside, right? If I ever bumped into a man.sized skunk on the streets, I'd run away screaming, lol :p

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Old 04-22-2013, 03:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I like the idea of the XYZ axis of sexuality! Though that kind of math did hurt my head...one of the reasons I was a psychology, and then an English major!

Yep, I'm plotting on having a custom skunk suit made, partially inflatable. And I agree, the idea would strike most people as a bit strange, which I'm fine with, I mean, it's not the most common thing out there! And yes, there are 'furry' conventions that have been growing in popularity, though most costumes are not in latex...us rubber-furs are something of a minority, but you'll a few of us at any of the big cons, like Anthrocon, in PA. Though it is vital to emphasize that to many, this is nothing sexual, or perhaps a bit of both.

Though it would be fun to just wear it down the street to see how you'd react...so long as you didn't corner me, I'd promise not to spray

But I've always liked skunks, in ways both symbolic, and because our neighbors growing up had a pet skunk, descented, about as tam,e as a cat, and very gentle, though mischievous.

This weekend, I went to a local coffee-shop, a kind of 'anti-Starbucks, and managed to get a good deal of writing accomplished...3 new poems, in rough to decent form, more than I've done in ages. I don't have a laptop, and writing at home, I get too distracted. Plus, I always write my first and even some subsequent drafts longhand, as this feels more natural; you can probably tell by my careless typing.

The archetypal analysis is interesting; I'm torn between a character that is a mischievous trouble-maker, but very lovable.


In any event, I've been writing a series of poems about animals, and I wrote one about skunks the other day:

Skunk

If only I could awaken as a skunk,
broad fore-claws throwing off the bedding,
sending the alarm clock to shatter on the floor
shredding the morning paper-
Id prance outside,
fluff up my tail
ready to p*ss my dissent
over the world
laughing with the churring language of skunks
as I watched people run and scatter,
thinking:
I dont stink, you do!
Id get along
by not getting along,
some sulfury Mephistopheles
no worse than an oil refinery
or a paper mill
or your own exhaust fumes belched out endlessly
until the sky shows a sickly yellow-
Id face life
with the full force of my tail
lifted in opposition
to this world.

H. Pup, earth day, 2013
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Old 04-25-2013, 06:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Guess I'll start posting here, as a kind of journal.

I'm still building motivation not to drink, and it's hard.

Part of drinking is pleasure, and I was thinking that the more drinking pleasure one has, the less sexual pleasure...such that having better sex has become one motivation.

And maybe in about 9 months, I'll have that skunk suit
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Old 06-17-2013, 06:55 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HuskyPup View Post
I decided to start a new thread, after meeting with a new therapist today, because one of the things we talked about was pent up sexual energy, and how this tends to restrict creative energy. I've always been at my creative best when both are flowing freely.

I think she's going to be a good match. Quite a leisurely appointment, and she is certainly a quirky, artistic sort. The idea is to get on beyond the planning stage, and into the 'doing' stage, or so we decided was one goal. I'm amazed she studied with Erik Berne...I've always found Transactional Analysis and Gestalt therapy not only interesting, but very useful, so I was happy I took the time to do as much research as I did, and made as many calls. I have some 'tests' to fill out, regarding how I view my 'child' state, my degree of intro and extro version, which I always love doing. I'm going back next week, and in a few weeks, may attend a small group session, devoted to sex and relationships. I'm certain I'll be able to add some, um, 'colorful' elements to this

What else?

So, I was thinking: I have this box of old comics in storage, and I think I'm going to sell off all but my Ducks. (Scrooge, Donald). I might be able to raise between $800-1500 this way; I'm going to contact a dealer I've both bought and sold to several times in the past.

The goal? Well, to fix up the car, but mainly to order a rubber critter suit!

I was talking to a few rubber-furs, and I decided life is too short to wait around. What good are some musty old papers in a box in storage I haven't even looked at in 4 years??? Why not live now??? And DO something, rather than drink and **** and moan about what I'm not doing, but would like to?

I will always love playing as a pup, but I decided I want to have a latex skunk suit made. Form fitting body, inflatable tail and head, for 'shape'. And I think I even have devised a simple way so that I can spray a mist...though not one that smells like skunk! (Odd, the scent of skunk in the distance has never bothered me, I kind of life it, so long as it's not too close) I've always loved skunks, and I think it suits me. Nocturnal, gentle, fairly docile, but back me into a corner or make me mad, and you're gonna regret it! So I'm going to first have a sketch made of the suit, then submit it to Squeak Latex (who make such costumes), and get an estimate...they take 50% down, and 50% on delivery, and it takes about 6 months. It seems to suit me...A gentle, somewhat submissive sort, who can sometimes become aggressive. I had pondered other animals, but I think this suits me, as I've also joked about the idea of buying skunk oil, and targeting various people/places that have upset me, so much as to say, You stink! But this skunk will spray pretty smells, like bubble-gum...most of the time This would be a real hoot at a convention...and I like to mix a mirthful sense of silliness into my sexuality; maybe it seems like the oddest thing imaginable, but I see sex as a wide open canvass, ready to be painted in any way that doesn't harm others.


And so I think the appointment went well in that I have not felt this hopeful, in some time.


On a side note: Maybe I should have been a mascot?

You had me till the rubber critter suite thing, but hey.............whatever floats your boat.
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Old 06-18-2013, 02:56 AM   #6 (permalink)
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i was just thinking i dont pay gay taxes and gay park my car so gay marriage and the rest is just another illusion
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Old 06-25-2013, 11:00 AM   #7 (permalink)
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i was just thinking i dont pay gay taxes and gay park my car so gay marriage and the rest is just another illusion
What? I don't follow this. Gay marriage is a legal reality in Maryland, and a contentious civil rights issue for many gay Americans. It has numerous financial, emotional and legal repercussions, and is no mere 'illusion'.

I'm not sure what motivates this post.
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Old 06-30-2013, 09:56 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I thought he was saying the hysteria about it from conservatives was an illusion since gays getting married doesn't affect him or anyone else, not that the fight is one.
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Old 07-01-2013, 10:18 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I think the meaning intended (I've heard variations of this) is that "gay" often gets over-used as an adjective to describe things. For instance, I might say that my two female friends K and R are in a "marriage" and it'd be unnecessary to always say they're in a "gay marriage." A kind of going "beyond gay" by not defining all our relationships, jobs, etc. by that term, which only leads to repeating hetero-normativity. The joke I assume was being made was mocking that idea by suggesting we could pay "gay taxes" too.

Ever hear someone use the phrase, "I'm in a straight marriage"? I know I haven't.
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Old 07-01-2013, 11:34 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I can see this as a fight that will go on for a while. People in same-sex marriages will just start to call theirs marriages, but pissed off conservatives will be like, "No, it's a GAY marriage." or "It's NOT a marriage." Of course, most of them will die off or find some real issue to get upset about in the coming years.
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Old 07-02-2013, 05:51 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Yes - it was just an observation - i.e. you don't tell your parents you are straight.
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Yes - it was just an observation - i.e. you don't tell your parents you are straight.
Haha! I actually had a friend, who's a total Ally, come out to his parents as straight. This was like 1999-2000. It was kind of a solidarity gesture; had been spending too much time with a bunch of us who were dealing with our own self-outings.

As I recall, his parents were a little surprised, but decided to support him.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:17 PM   #13 (permalink)
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It is curious, the terms we use. I really tend not to dwell too much on being gay; it's like my hair color, it just is. Though it does come into play as far as equal rights are concerned; here we need language to define laws, whether it is gay marriage, or same sex marriage; congress, the courts and legal wording necessitates precise legal wording, so there is no getting around talking about such things as we fight for them.

Oddly enough, I don't know very many gay people aside from my partner in real life...hardly any of my close friends are gay, at least any that live nearby. In ways, I've never felt very accepted by mainstream gay culture, much as I feel a distance from mainstream American culture, in general.

Even in my deviance, I feel deviant.

Quote:
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You had me till the rubber critter suite thing, but hey.............whatever floats your boat.
*giggles*

Yeah, it is a funny motivation, I suppose, though it does help me keep focused. I had a rubber pup suit, though I've worn it out. It's a lot of fun, really, to take sex, and then play games, and pretend to be different things...I suppose I have a very active imagination, and like to put myself in different roles.

But the idea of saving up for another such suit is a huge incentive. They feel so great to wear, like your being gripped and hugged all over, afterwards, it's like you had the best massage. And maybe orgasm.

I once wondered:

I wonder if anyone in AA has had sex or the orgasm as their higher power???? I have always found something of a spiritual, out of body sensation to orgasms, it's as close to an idea of God as I get.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:56 PM   #14 (permalink)
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1.) I think labels are important to a degree. It's useful to publically identify as bisexual because people of both genders will know they have a chance with me, and that I also will not judge someone for their orientation. However, if I make my orientation my core identity and make everything about that, yes, I have gone too far.

2.) I don't feel connected with 'gay' culture, either. One reason is bisexuals are some sort of silent majority, and all the focus from that and normal culture is on the homosexual contingent. I'll shove my hindpaw up the ass of the next person who assumes I'm gay because I talk about cute boys.

Another reason is, well, lack of things in common. So what if this or that guy or group of guys also like ****? That alone isn't sufficient reason for me to associate myself with them. Being in LGBT groups or events will ensure I can find more prospects and I will know they and I have a few common beliefs, but that alone does not compel me to go there. I have the recovery community and the furry fandom as safe havens.

I suppose the furry fandom is an LGBT culture, however, and I do feel heavily connected with that. There are more similarities and cultural norms associated with the furry culture than LGBT culture, I believe. Furrydom is not only very LGBT-friendly, but we have our own terminology, our own artwork, are very creative, and animal-friendly. I just feel I have more in common with a bunch of random furries than a bunch of random people who like their own or both genders.

3.) I'd rather be made into my persona. If I was a teenage raccoon IRL, (physiologically, at least), I would have so much fun!

4.) No, but I'm well known for having a shota nekomimi fetish, so I've mentioned a catboi or nekomimi deity. I haven't had the desire to screw with people in AA and say my HP is the Nekomimi God. I should do that when I want people to think I've gone psychotic, haha.
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