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Old 03-28-2013, 10:22 AM   #1 (permalink)
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not what i envisioned...

long story, condensed version...

today, one week sober (have gone many years in the past, but this is "this" time). my girlfriend of 15 years just flew back to NY for a visit with her family last night & will spend her birthday and easter there. she comes from a very large italian family 3 brothers, 3 sisters, all their kids & her parents as well. and of course, all live within very close proximity to one another. an italian thing i guess?

i have a daughter (18) and a sister and we are exact opposites, parents passed nearly 20 years ago, i am 48.

well in 15 years, i have never received a birthday card, phone call etc. my daughter not a graduation card, birthday card, present of any kind, phone call same for her. just this past xmas we were included on a card for the first time, before that all the xmas, wedding invitations, anniversary party invites that came our way was addressed to my partner & "guest", i have a problem after 15 years of being a "guest". this angers me! partly because my partner will not address this with anyone in her family & says i need to get over it. i am sorry but i find this to be completely disrespectful...it has caused me great frustration in the past and i find myself feeling very resentful today...i need to put this behind me & enjoy this week & remain alcohol free. is it me, or is this the way certain families act as this is not quite what i envisioned...this lifestyle is lonely for me...

thanks for letting me vent...
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Old 03-28-2013, 06:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hey SoCal... glad you are here even if it is just to vent... this is the perfect place to do that.

Your situation may be based solely on your GF's family, but it certainly isn't MY lifestyle. My partner and I are out to both of our families (she is 48 and I am 50) and are included in family celebrations as a couple... it would be terribly lonely if that were not the case. I am sorry that you are feeling the resentful side of your partnership, but maybe you can look at it a different way.

Is it possible that you two can sit down when she gets back to town and TALK more about how you feel?... her suggestion that you "need to get over it" isn't really helpful and doesn't address the whole picture. For now, just some deep breathing and calming thoughts to help you remain alcohol free instead of reacting so that you can enjoy your week. Think of something that you can do to keep you grounded, to keep you peaceful and is just for you... be kind to yourself! :o)

Keep coming back here and participating/reading... it sure makes a difference in my life. Wishing you peace and happiness!
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Old 03-28-2013, 07:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by insocal
i have a problem after 15 years of being a "guest".
I would too. I think that's an absolutely legitimate feeling.
Quote:
i need to put this behind me & enjoy this week & remain alcohol free.
Yes, no matter what, remain alcohol free. Nothing is ever bad enough to justify a drink. That won't solve this or any other situation.

Hang in. xo
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