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Old 01-04-2013, 06:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Coming Out here on SR

Hey all~ I have mentioned in some of my posts in other forums that I am gay but just now told someone I've been pm'ing with. I think she'll be okay with that, I hope so. It did come up so it felt appropriate to say something.

What I'm wondering is how you all go about that? Is it an issue? Do you tell folks directly? I feel like if I'm getting to know someone better I want to say something.

I wish it wasn't a big deal...... I mean why do *we* have to be afraid, worried how someone will react when straight people just assume and do receive instant acceptance? I'm pretty sure this person will be cool but I find I do feel some apprehension. I'm surrounded by lesbos in real life, I just haven't had to come out to anyone for awhile.

And the bigots wonder why we want gay marriage and equality and just to be seen and treated as normal?! They never have to worry about discussing their sexual orientation with anyone!

Okay, thanks for "listening."
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Old 01-04-2013, 08:21 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Well, my SR friend PMd back and was nonjudgmental. I really expected she would be but still I was nervous. That is another one of the wonderful things here. The desire to heal and help reaches across a lot of difference that would likely be barriers in another setting.

I'm still curious about others thoughts and experiences if you want to share.
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Old 01-04-2013, 08:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Judgment can be so unfair Im glad it went well for you. Huggs
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Old 01-04-2013, 08:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I am so glad things went well.

One thing time has taught me is that the people that have not been ok with finding out I am gay are people whom I did not need as friends to begin with since I am the same person I was before the subject of my sexuality came up as I was after it which just goes to show me they never cared about me as a person to begin with. I don't need people like that in my life. I try to surround myself with people who love me for who I am the good, the bad, the in between, just me as a whole. If they can't take that then they need to move on.

But you are right the bigots keep claiming we are throwing our sexuality in their faces but we don't do it by choice we do it because it is part of who we are just as them being heterosexual. We just want to be able to relax and when they are talking about having a nice weekend with their husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend be able to share the same instead of hem hawing around and either lie and say we did nothing or lie and say we did something with a "friend" or lie and say we did something with an opposite sex boyfriend/girlfriend. We want to live our lives with integrity and honesty instead of being forced into a closet and having to lie about our relationships and lives makes us liars and takes a toll on our souls. It also is very degrading to have our relationships devalued and denigrated by them acting as if we are incapable of feeling the same type of love or expressing the same type of commitments.

I love the excuse against marriage equality that gays will force religious people to marry them who are against marriage equality. How stupid do they think we are? First marriage in the US is a civil ceremony not a religious one. You go to the courthouse to get your marriage license not the church. You can get married anywhere including skydiving if one wanted. No one is forced to have a church wedding in this Country. Gay people who want church weddings are smart enough to not choose a church which hates them. Why would they ruin one of the most important days of their lives with hatred? Instead they would go to one of the multitude of churches which welcome the GLBT Community. It is just another lame excuse to hide their bigotry behind.

It really makes me tired sometimes. But for the most part I just work on honesty in all my relationships and dealings with people and try not to let them get me down. I figure that way my side of the street is clean and what they do with theirs is their problem and they have to live with their hatred, cruelness and bigotry.

Thanks for your share.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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And thank you for yours nandm, you really said it all so well. I wouldn't want a friendship where I can't be me either, but here online we sort of have to tell eachother everything. As I don't have a partner to mention the only way to mention it is to say, hey, I'm gay!

The argument that gets me is that same-sex marriage threatens hetero marriage. That simply makes no sense. But more than that--how can love, a truly loving relationship, threaten a heterosexual marriage? Absolutely barmy!
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Old 01-05-2013, 09:52 AM   #6 (permalink)
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My GF looks the part so in person, I don't ever have to come out. In the rooms I have found that people aren't judgmental.. Maybe I have been lucky? I also live in a gay saturated area. And here? I don't know... My partner is such a huge part of my life (seven years next week) it comes up after anyone talks to me. That is the one part of my life I refuse to live apologetically... Now to work on the rest...lol
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:47 PM   #7 (permalink)
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If someone has a problem with your sexuality, that's their loss.
Congrats on your anniversary!
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:57 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Well, you are still the same lovely caring fun Lyoness aren't you :>)

One day, sexual preference will n o t be an issue! Roll on that day.

x
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nandm
One thing time has taught me is that the people that have not been ok with finding out I am gay are people whom I did not need as friends to begin with since I am the same person I was before the subject of my sexuality came up as I was after it which just goes to show me they never cared about me as a person to begin with.
nandm...I just love the way you write and I especially love this.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:45 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Well, you are still the same lovely caring fun Lyoness aren't you :>)

One day, sexual preference will n o t be an issue! Roll on that day.

x
Yeah, I am definitely looking forward to that day, hope to see it in my lifetime! I just imagine a same sex couple walking down the street, hand in hand and the ONLY reaction by everyone is just to think how sweet to see a couple in love!
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:48 AM   #11 (permalink)
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My GF looks the part so in person, I don't ever have to come out. In the rooms I have found that people aren't judgmental.. Maybe I have been lucky? I also live in a gay saturated area. And here? I don't know... My partner is such a huge part of my life (seven years next week) it comes up after anyone talks to me. That is the one part of my life I refuse to live apologetically... Now to work on the rest...lol
I live in a fairly small, conservative area, but there are still quite a few of us anyway!

Congrats on your 7 years together. I was just saying to my new friend how it makes no sense to think same sex marriage/couples threaten straight ones. I told her about my best friend who's been in a relationship for over 30 years and another 20. I'd say we're a fairly good example of committed relationships, lol!

I love your avatars, btw! Give me a laugh every time I see them.
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Old 01-06-2013, 06:07 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks! And I love that damn cat! Lol
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Old 01-10-2013, 04:22 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Sometimes i just completely forget that my sexuality might be an issue for someone .

There again i'm a 290lb 6ft skinhead with scars on his face (falling over face first drunk) so most people don't listen to what i say, they just seem to go on autopilot and make assumptions .
Most of the time i can't be botherd to disabuse them of thier notions .

In some ways the internet is quite refreshing and funny for me as some people who'd get scarred looking at me and cross the street rather than walk past me in the real world don't mind spewing their nastyness online thinking i'm some kind of wilting wallflower just because i'm gay .
Funny old world at times !

Bestwishes, M
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Old 01-12-2013, 04:57 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Just as I do in my regular life, I let people figure it out. No worries here......
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Old 01-13-2013, 11:42 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I'm straight and I hope you all don't mind me jumping in on this topic. I saw that nandm had an issue when I hit the "new posts" above and then swung over here for a moment.

I'm a big supporter of the LGBT community and I can't stand the people who are against you, the comments I hear mostly make me want to roll my eyes.

I had girlfriends that I met in treatment that shared what coming out was like for them and how the rejection from family and friends hurt them which made me even more empathetic because I saw these girls as friends of mine, so that put me even more on the side of all of you.

Yeah, I also wish you all didn't have to deal with this issue at all. I am the HR person at work and I was so excited to see that our medical insurance INCLUDED PARTNERS!!!!

We have someone at work who is gay, and when I told him he could add his partner, they were both really happy.

YAHOO!!!!! At least people, and the laws are coming around. Anyway, I just wanted to let any of you know that I have no problems, ever!!! One of my best girls is gay, she just got engaged to her gf at the same time I got engaged to my bf, and we were both thrilled for each other, we are both finally happy after having crappy relationships before, and we both deserve it. Okay, that's enough from me.
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Old 01-22-2013, 02:10 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Sometimes i just completely forget that my sexuality might be an issue for someone .

There again i'm a 290lb 6ft skinhead with scars on his face (falling over face first drunk) so most people don't listen to what i say, they just seem to go on autopilot and make assumptions .
Most of the time i can't be botherd to disabuse them of thier notions .

In some ways the internet is quite refreshing and funny for me as some people who'd get scarred looking at me and cross the street rather than walk past me in the real world don't mind spewing their nastyness online thinking i'm some kind of wilting wallflower just because i'm gay .
Funny old world at times !

Bestwishes, M
It's always fun when we get to live outside of stereotypes! I've had several lesbians tell me I don't "look" like a lesbian! I mean really! What does a lesbian look like? Oh, that's right, me! I felt better when one of them said she didn't think her girlfriend looked like a lesbian, either.

It's all about who we are on the inside, the outside is just window dressing. Personally I dress in what a friend's mother dubs "psych ward chic."
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:38 AM   #17 (permalink)
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The best thing for me about being a gay male is that when I meet someone (in person anyhow), I know within ten minutes whether or not they're worth my time trying to be friends with. We'll just be talking (not about sexuality) and suddenly through their eyes, I'll see it dawning on them that I'm probably gay (which I am). If they turn sour and uncomfortable, then I just say it was nice to meet them and just move on. I only wasted ten minutes of my life on some unaccepting person!

They are lots of other great people in the world and I'm really tired of trying to convince bigots that I have a right to be here.

In my experience, I've been treated the worst by closet case males. The religious bigot types don't even come close.

If someone asks if I'm married, I say I have a partner of 33 years. When they ask what partner means, I say "I'm 55, never married and enjoy musicals with my significant other. That shouldn't be hard to figure out." Then it's back to my 10 minute rule.
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:41 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Lyoness. I'm still laughing about your comment "psych ward chic"!
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Old 01-23-2013, 08:05 PM   #19 (permalink)
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In my experience, I've been treated the worst by closet case males. The religious bigot types don't even come close.
There was an active hate group in my state, which of course hid under family values/religion b.s. that have tried to force through various hate agenda legislation. Thankfully their measures have always been voted down tho some by too close a margin. I have always thought the guy at the core of this movement is a severe closet case who probably could be found in the bushes with male "companions" if anyone went looking.

I think people who aren't/can't come out and are filled with inner turmoil and self-hatred sometimes end up turning that turmoil and hatred outward instead of working on their own healing. It is so sad but true.
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Old 01-23-2013, 08:09 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Lyoness. I'm still laughing about your comment "psych ward chic"!
It's a great one, isn't it?! The woman who told me that was being criticized by her mother unfortunately, but I immediately took to and loved that term. Probably because I do tend to dress that way, at least on the land/at home!
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