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Old 12-09-2012, 09:36 AM   #1 (permalink)
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oh? Are you together?

This has nothing to do with being a drunk.... just being gay.

I cannot wait until the day when two men can go to the grocery store and when one puts stuff on the belt and then the other that we don't get asked "Oh? are you together?" F YES we are. for 19 damn years!

When we go to dinner they don't ask us for separate checks?

When we get a room they don't give you the eye because of one bed.

we have a ways to go don't we.
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Old 12-09-2012, 10:46 AM   #2 (permalink)
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You know honestly I dont get that as much anymore, 4-5 years ago more so but thats trailed off, we actually get asked if were together at the gay clubs more often. Story behind that but thats off subject.
I live in between Milwaukee/Chicago maybe its just the area.
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Old 12-09-2012, 11:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Live in Olympia. No judgie here.
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Old 12-09-2012, 11:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
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The presumption of heterosexuality is offensive--agreed. Try saying, "Honey, did we get the eggs?" or a gesture of affection--something to let them know not everyone is straight and that includes you and your love--and THEY need to be aware and deal.

The more people come out, the better for everyone.

Btw, goodonya both for 19 years! May you have many more happy years together!
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Old 12-09-2012, 11:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I feel the same way. It gets a bit tiring to feel that accusatory stare when renting a room, get that question when buying things, etc....

My partner and I just experienced the room thing last week. We are on vacation in Arizona and stopped to spend a few days in Bisbee. We went to 4 different hotels before finding one that felt comfortable. One of the people was so hung up on whether we would share a bed or not that she kept pointing out that there was a pullout couch in the room she was showing us. She must have said it three different times. I wanted to yell at her and say that we have been together over 12 years now so the pull out bed will not be necessary. That sealed it for me as I knew I would rather sleep in my car than give her our hard earned money. It all worked out well though as the place we finally found to stay at was very hospitable and warm which made our trip.

I can sure tell the difference though between Arizona and Oregon and how people view the GLBT community. In Oregon, for the most part, we usually don't get those looks or questions but here I feel like an alien that everyone keeps trying to figure out and is scared of.

I do hope that the Supreme Court makes a fair decision on the two cases before it right now as I think once they have ruled on them then more people will start becoming more accepting. I think it is just a matter of time and patience.
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Old 12-09-2012, 03:25 PM   #6 (permalink)
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The presumption of hertosexuality... Wow... I see us as the same... Just it sucks that we are not supported the same.

Can you imagine what it must be like to be a male... And have sex pushed on you? Like its normal?

I don't judge... But I just wanna be me.
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Old 12-09-2012, 08:08 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I was talking with some heterosexual friends recently and a similar topic came up. This was the general idea of the conversation. A large part of the problem is that when people see two heterosexuals holding hands walking down the street they see "Love" but when they see a same sex couple holding hands walking down the street they see "sex." A same sex couple walking down the street holding hands is throwing homosexuality in their faces but a heterosexual couple walking down the street is in love and "Oh so cute."

I think some of that comes from so many men being ok with two women as long as a man is involved in the sex act and God forbid if it is two men. But they can't view a same sex relationship as anything more than just sex or friendship because they can not relate it to their own feelings or experiences.

I recently had my sister tell me that I was throwing my "gayness" in her face and needed to tone it down. My sister does not even live in the same state. The only contact we have is via facebook, one three day visit in a year and one phone call in the past year. In the phone call nothing was said about homosexuality. During her visit nothing was said about homosexuality but of course my partner and I slept together in our bedroom. On my facebook I counted up my posts over the past 6 months and in all that time I have posted 3 posts that referenced something to do with homosexuality that is out of nearly 80 posts but of course there are pictures of my partner on my page. I think straight people are often way too sensitive because of their own discomfort with homosexuality. My sister obviously is. I guess she was much happier when I was miserable and in the closet because it made her feel better to pretend that gay people did not exist. We were actually supposed to have spent a few days with her while we were here in Arizona but after that statement from her my partner and I no longer felt welcome in her home so we opted to spend our time exploring and rent a motel instead.

These are actually very selfish and narrow points of view but many people are unable to put themselves in someone else's shoes which makes it harder for them to relate to a same sex relationship and therefore they are threatened and tend to over exaggerate anything they see or hear. That perception is starting to change but it still hurts to have our relationships devalued in that way. My sister and I have not spoken since that conversation and I highly doubt I will ever trust her the same again because if she can not accept my partner then I don't need her in my life. I am very fortunate my children have more open hearts and minds.

PS: I hope that I am staying on topic enough here and not highjacking your thread.
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Old 12-11-2012, 10:35 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Appropriately expressed and directed anger works for me here (I have lots of it).

Funny looks, uncalled-for comments: I bare my fangs.

This is far from an ideal solution, but it's all I can do at this point, and it does work most of the time.
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Old 12-13-2012, 08:00 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I too long for the day when either no assumptions are made of being hetero or homosexual, or that any couple is looked at with joy and acceptance. I get frustrated with people assuming I'm straight or acting weird if I mention my sexual orientation. After they've told me about living with their straight boy/girlfriend, etc. They shove their "sex life" in my face and then go weird if I just say I'm gay. Sigh.....
It is definitely changing though. And the more we are present and accepting of ourselves the more society becomes, too.
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Old 12-13-2012, 08:06 AM   #10 (permalink)
 

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Yeah...I get it from both "sides" if you will: "Make up your mind" is what they like to tell me. I find that both gay and straight have the capacity to judge.
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:57 AM   #11 (permalink)
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My problem is my habit of assuming everyone is gay!

I can remember us being refused a motel room in West Yellowstone and it even had two beds! There was a photo of the Salt Lake Mormon Temple on the front desk. Granted, it was 30 years ago.

A grocery store line is a little harder to tell, but if they're not sure, they shouldn't say anything.

I've noticed at restaurants, if we're at home in Utah, they'll try to sit us across from each other, when in CA or NY, they'll automatically sit us next to each other if it's a table with four sides with four places.

Mostly, Salt Lake City is a very friendly place to live as a gay couple. Outside the city, not so much.
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Old 01-23-2013, 08:31 PM   #12 (permalink)
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My problem is my habit of assuming everyone is gay!
LOL! Me, too, sometimes. I live on women's land, well lesbian land actually, even though the nearby town has a lot of biblebeltness to it. But I just assume anyone coming here or calling is a lesbian and am surprised if it's not.

On a similar vein, most women I know have carpentry or plumbing or electrical skills, which I know gets stereotyped too. But when I go to the hardware or electrical/plumbing store I have to remind myself that men do those things too, lol!
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