New To Recovery...?

[miiichael]

Hey. I'm Michael. I'm 17 years old and I'm addicted to heroin. This is just a brief overview of my drug use.

I was kicked out of my house for coming out as gay a couple years ago. Since then, me and my best friend took to the road and started traveling. After a little while of that, some street kids taught me about a better way to make some money than panhandling. At this time, the hardest drug I was doing was cocaine. I wasn't addicted, but I could certainly see how one might become addicted. I began taking their advice and selling myself. I was surprised at how many older men would pay for sexual favors, as I had previously seen this as something only women could do. For some people, prostitution may be an empowering situation, but for me it was frightening and degrading. I hated the way I was treated and every time somebody picked me up, I wished that they wouldn't leave me alone afterwards and that they might help me somehow, but every time I was let down (though it was far from my place to get my hopes up in the first place).

Finally, one night, I got my wish, but it wasn't in the way that I had hoped. I was kidnapped. I was treated brutally over the course of more than half a year, and I was shot up for the first time (and many more times after that) with heroin, which they used to keep me complacent. I was moved across the country and sold and treated like an object. With my lack of family, and my friends as powerless as I was, nobody was looking too hard for me. I had never felt more alone and hopeless in my life and I was sure that I was going to die that way.

I escaped out of pure hopelessness. I was bored and resigned to the idea of death and figured, "why not?" I spent only a couple nights on the street before a very kind man-- the first bit of humanity I had been shown in quite a long time --took me in, and has allowed me to stay with him. As somebody who had been homeless not so long ago, he felt compelled to help me, being horribly sick and lost. He saved my life and I am forever indebted to him for that. However, having been here for a couple months now, I've found that heroin is not an easy drug to quit, and quite an easy one to obtain, at least around here. I hope to be able to quit very soon. I also hope to find some support from other addicts and former addicts, as I don't know many people who are in full support of me quitting my drug habit.

I'm very scared to try and live drug-free. It's been a long time since I've been sober. I just hope to gain some support and insight into how to live without drugs and how to deal with trauma and anxiety, and maybe meet some people who have dealt with similar issues.

Thank you very much. c:

[Dee74]

Welcome to SR miiichael - you'll find a lot of support here

D

[Weasel1966]

Michael,

I am sorry these things have happened to you. They should not happen to anyone. But now that they have you are doing the right hing to reach out. For both the addiction and for the abuse.

I personally am a drinker and coke user. Opiates are a very different animal to tame. I suggest you post this in the general forum that is visited a little more than this section. Share there as you feel comfortable but it will be seen by more people.

As far as the abuse... Sounds like you need a good gay role model. Have you looked into any safe houses for gay youth in your area? Many big cities have them.

Here is a link to one that maybe can connect you to your area.

national gay helpline

Life as a gay man gets better. Trust me. But getting help now is vital for you. Keep posting here. There are genuinely safe and caring people that will offer assistance as much as we can long distance.

Reach out to these people on the link and keep us updated on your progress.

Getting sober and clean is not an impossible thing to do. There are many here who have. You can to!

Ken

[miiichael]

Originally Posted by Dee74

Welcome to SR miiichael - you'll find a lot of support here

D

Thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

[miiichael]

Originally Posted by Weasel1966

Michael,

I am sorry these things have happened to you. They should not happen to anyone. But now that they have you are doing the right hing to reach out. For both the addiction and for the abuse.

I personally am a drinker and coke user. Opiates are a very different animal to tame. I suggest you post this in the general forum that is visited a little more than this section. Share there as you feel comfortable but it will be seen by more people.

As far as the abuse... Sounds like you need a good gay role model. Have you looked into any safe houses for gay youth in your area? Many big cities have them.

Here is a link to one that maybe can connect you to your area.

national gay helpline

Life as a gay man gets better. Trust me. But getting help now is vital for you. Keep posting here. There are genuinely safe and caring people that will offer assistance as much as we can long distance.

Reach out to these people on the link and keep us updated on your progress.

Getting sober and clean is not an impossible thing to do. There are many here who have. You can to!

Ken

I appreciate this a lot! I'll check out the link.

I was into cocaine, but I think that downers were just always my thing and I never really knew it. I just didn't get addicted to coke. I hated the comedown so much that I guess it just hardly was worth it to me. But I did love the high. >.<

There are safehouses, but anything like that scares me a little bit. I'm kind of under the radar right now and I don't want to have to sign any sort of legal document or anything of the sort. And I don't have identification. So, being a minor with all of the above, I doubt it would be easy for them to take me in. I know a couple of sober people, but most people I know do drugs. And the sober people I know don't really care one way or another what I do. So support is really minimal for me.

I'll check out the link. Thank you so so much for your kind words.

[BlueEyedBoy]

I am not a drug user but as an alcoholic I know sober life is really hard-but the rewards are massive. Miichael, reading your story broke my heart- no one should EVER have to go through what you have experienced. Before my addiction spiralled out of control I was a youth worker for an LGBT group, and specialised in working with young men who were involved in sexual exploitation. If you ever want to chat, please send me a private message. I really mean it matey

[nandm]

Hi Michael. Welcome to SR. It looks like you have received some great suggestions already and I really don't have anything I can add to them but I wanted to say hello and welcome.