being me in a small town

[Carson67]

How do you become a gay sober alcoholic in a town where gay men are not accepted. I had a sponsor, thought I could trust him, told him I was gay and was told by him not to talk about it to anyone in AA here in my town, that I should find a therapist because being gay is a mental disorder. I have come to hate the local AA program here in my town.

[catallus]

Hi Carson,

Welcome aboard!

Wow, sorry to hear about your misinformed community. I'm sorry to say I do not have any practical answers to your question. But I do have questions.

My questions are:

Are you sure that what your sponsor said is the sentiment of the whole AA community or is this just your sponsor's POV and his own way of not having to discuss the matter? Is there anyone else in the AA community you feel you can talk to?

Are there larger towns nearby you can travel to for the support you need? Sometimes it's worth the extra drive to find a comfortable meeting.

Have you checked out alternative programs other than AA? AA is not the only program for recovery, however, I feel that no matter what program is used for recovery, support is needed - it is difficult to recover on one's own; not impossible, but difficult. And it's definitely more fun with friends in sobriety.

I'm sorry I couldn't be much help, but please let us know how it is going for you.

[Weasel1966]

Carson,

Glad you're here!

Sorry that happened to you. You do know what he said is not true. Are you accepting of yourself? That's always a good first step. I find I could not ask for acceptance unless I accepted myself. That was hard for me.

I agree.... It is more of a challenge to sober up on your own. But again not impossible.

There are aspects to being gay and abstaining. We do face similar but different issues. This board has helped me more than I can express.

I have posted about my life and partner in the general newcomers area and found great acceptance. No one cared I was gay. They cared if I drank.

Please stay on SR and post your story. Share as if you were at AA. You will find a great many will respond and support you. You will feel the love from complete strangers wanting nothing more than for you to find what you need in life.

Welcome.

My name is ken. Feel free to contact me if you want.

[SoberForMySon]

My little hick town sucks too... Would love to talk to you and connect.

[Freedom55]

Originally Posted by Carson67

How do you become a gay sober alcoholic in a town where gay men are not accepted. I had a sponsor, thought I could trust him, told him I was gay and was told by him not to talk about it to anyone in AA here in my town, that I should find a therapist because being gay is a mental disorder. I have come to hate the local AA program here in my town.

So your sponsor thinks of himself as a psychiatrist, does he? Well "...position statements from the American Psychiatric Association, American Psychological Association and other institutions in many other countries, is that the research and clinical literature demonstrate that homosexuality is a normal and positive variation of human sexuality, and that any social exclusion or difficulties with homosexuality are a problem of society." sources: American Psychological Association and Royal College of Psychiatrists.

I wish I could help. We have GBLT meetings in the city in which I reside. I live in Canada where, thankfully, sexual orientation is a protected Human Right, and same sex partnerships and marriages are legal. I pity those unevolved folks who think, for some bizarre reason, that they have the right to judge others based on things which are none of their darn business.

Blessings,
lh

[Vall]

Dear Carson67,

I am really sorry if I appear ignorant but why do gays have to have separate AA meetings? I know that AA can be a bit of a "brain washing" "ott" experience but I never thought that they were homophobic. Maybe your town is a one off. I hope so.

It makes me sad/mad to think that in this day and age some people still cannot accept/acknowledge different sexual orientations.

Wish you all the best.

[Sobersunshine]

I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm sorry AA let you down. I live in a small town too and I understand the closed mindedness and I hate it. Its canada tho (im american btw) so theyre a little more open minded about homosexuality, but theres lot of predujuce about other things that i wont go into. Can you get to a larger town? I drive 30 minutes to the closest small city for my meetings. Your situation really makes me mad and sad. AA is supposed to be about not drinking, not about anything else. I am sure not all AA groups are like that. Maybe you could find another AA group or a different type of support group. You also have SR of course and I'm pretty sure no one here cares if you're gay or straight or bi or anything else. We just want you sober. Good luck.

[Vall]

I just noticed that this post is dated August? I am still trying to get my head around the American dating system :> Hope Carson is still here?

[Freedom55]

Originally Posted by Vall

Dear Carson67,

I am really sorry if I appear ignorant but why do gays have to have separate AA meetings? I know that AA can be a bit of a "brain washing" "ott" experience but I never thought that they were homophobic. Maybe your town is a one off. I hope so.

It makes me sad/mad to think that in this day and age some people still cannot accept/acknowledge different sexual orientations.

Wish you all the best.

Hi Vall, I know you directed your question to Carson, but just wanted to mention gays are welcome at any AA meeting (which I've attended) in my town. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. I believe that the separate meetings became available to those who felt more comfortable sharing amongst other gay people. Just like there are separate men's and separate women's meetings, along with the mixed.

And sobersunshine, you got that right -- just being Canadian does not mean being free of prejudice, not by a long shot. I recall a song by Kristofferson, where he sings "Everybody's gotta have somebody to look down on; who they can feel better than at anytime you please; someone doing something dirty decent folks can frown on; if you can't find nobody else, then help yourself to me".

Hope everyone has a terrific sober day,

lh

[utopia]

have u thought of moving to a bigger town carson? i know its not fair but there are people out there who have felt something similar to u. its sad to be ostracised, its enough to make one pick up so i wanted to send u a holler and say ur worth more than that, what other ppl think is none of our business

[Carson67]

thanks everyone

[Carson67]

hey sober for my son, thanks for you input, I would love to keep in touch with you, but have to find out what this 5 posts are that I have to post before I can email others. Keep strong. I wish I have done the same, but I have relaplsed and done it hard, I was locked in my travel trailer for 3 months, still there most weekends, drunk, not eating, not talking to anyone and hating life, but I keep saying next weekend I will make it.

[Hollyanne]

Carson,
Doesn't make a damned bit of difference here at Sober Recovery if you are gay or not.
Welcome back.
I have to go to bed now so I just wanted to say Hi!
Just go to main forum for now as the traffic is bigger there. Newcomer's thread!!!
The 5 posts is for control over people just coming on SR and bugging people by private messaging them (I think).
Just post a few more times and then click on a member's name and private or visitor message them.
I went to a meeting slap bang in the middle of Manhattan and there was a guy picking on a gay guy.
There are idiots everywhere!