Remembering Why I Started to Drink...

[comingoutsober]

Although I'm only a little under a week into sobriety, I can feel the cloud lift from my mind. I feel happier and healthier, but at the same time I'm experiencing the old feelings that I had forgotten that drove me to drink in the first place.

So to make a long story short, I'm remembering (and experiencing) the anxiety, depression, and loneliness that got me to this point in the first place.

So I guess I'm wondering if this is normal? Does (or did) anyone have a similar experience? And if so, how did you learn to cope with these long-forgotten emotions and memories?

[Weasel1966]

Hey.... I think everything you mentioned is part of it. It is for me.

Loneliness is defiantly a drinking motivator for me. I find not being able to go to bars makes the opportunities to meet and be social severely limited. I wind up convincing myself that I need to drink to be social. That's a lie I tell myself.

Anxiety comes from my fear to be different... Sober... What will life be like without my comfortable highs.... Well they turned on me and now being high is uncomfortable. Change is good but scary.

As being gay I also have self worth and value issues that get compounded through trying to get sober. This is not impossible and I will remain sober... But it adds to it all in ways.

Ken

[nandm]

Congrats on your week.

Early recovery was a roller coaster of emotion for me there were days of elation and feeling I was on top of the world followed by days of remembrance of all the things I had done drinking which left me numb with regret, shame, guilt, anxiety, and depression. I have heard others talk about early recovery in a similar manner so I do think that it is pretty normal. For me the regret, shame, and guilt passed but the anxiety and depression hung on. I had to seek outside help for those.

I am not sure how others deal with the regret, guilt, shame, etc.. but for me it took a program of recovery. The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are designed to relieve us of the regret, guilt and shame and for me they did. Another benefit of a program of recovery for me was that it helped with the loneliness and isolation because I had to be around others when I went to the meetings. By being around other sober people or people working on being sober I made some good friends and learned how to do things without drinking. For me that was big because everything I did had been centered around alcohol.

Anyway, congrats again on your week. Hope I was not too long winded

[catallus]

Hey now comingoutsober,
Mucho congrats on beginning your recovery. Oh yeah, anxiety, depression, guilt, anger, regret, shame - it was a roller coaster of emotions. As nandm pointed out, the 12 step program also worked for me.

I worked through several AWOLs, and with a sponsor, to try and get an understanding of the steps and how best to use them in my program of recovery. I soon realized that the 12 steps were addressing these emotions by having me acknowledge not only these emotions, but also the reasons I was having them - and then took steps to remove the guilt and shame and anger. I am not an "AA Nazi", but I did put together a simple daily program after "cleaning my side of the street" through using the 12 steps, and I whole-heartedly recommend working the 12 steps into your program.

We do not forget or shut the door on our past - we accept, forgive and move on.

I forgot who quoted this, but I like it: Those who do not remember their past are doomed to repeat it.

Best wishes.... And keep workin' it