Can't go back to Gay/Lesbian AA! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Mo S · 06-28-2012, 03:05 PM

Ok...I am going back to my hometown for the first time in 5 years. Its not really my "hometown" as it wont feel like "home" at all. Its more the place i grew up and got sober 28 years ago. So....

I would love to go back to a gay AA meeting, HOWEVER, they all thought i was certifiably nuts when i left ( I have those mental disorders they talk about in the BB), AND almost all my exes will be there...ok not all exes if you know what i mean...I was very young with raging hormones; lets put it that way. In the final analysis, I would love to see my exes but there is "too much water under the bridge" and I would feel like all eyes were on me WHICH THEY WERE. Gay AA in my former home is SOOOOOOOO clickey. UGGHHHH. I cant bear it....so i will miss out on seeing some of my true friends or aquantainces i would love to catch up with.
I have no phone numbers anymore.....poor me lol. Looks like i will hit "regular" AA and hope i run into them. Thank you for letting me share and vent.

Weasel1966 · 06-29-2012, 10:34 AM

Mo... I am not a AA person so no advice on that. But if I were to walk into a place that would make me feel uncomfortable because of the people there then why go? This should be easy.

It doesn't sound like you live in that town so why stir a pot and leave. Unless the pot devilishly needs stirring.

Good luck with your decision.

catallus · 06-29-2012, 07:32 PM

Hi Mo,

If you feel the need for a gay meeting, then go. You are going for your recovery; go in, say hello to everyone you want to, then get some recovery with them. They would probably luvs to see you also.

It's difficult, but try not to project outcomes that haven't occurred, it may stop you from having a swell time. (and besides, if you really feel uncomfortable, you can always leave - and you would be able to say you tried).

Have fun

utopia · 07-02-2012, 04:27 AM

recovery must come first, its not a place to make friends, where is that in the traditions? its an easy way for the madness to come back in to find mroe reasons to keep away,,,but then again, some meetings are toxic, and if people cant put their stuff aside to focus on the meeting, then maybe ur recovery is better with a different meeting

Mo S · 07-02-2012, 04:32 AM

utopia- you make several good points. However, Ive been sober 28 years- how can you be part of AA and the fellowship without making life long, intimate friendships. Its a "we" program.

utopia · 07-02-2012, 04:35 AM

you can of course, and it can be a nice bonus, my point is that the focus should always be primarily on recovery,

people should take their own inventory! lol if you hurt anyone, make amends, release the guilt. sobriety, sanity, its too precious.

michaelca · 08-23-2012, 03:11 PM

Hopefully one of the gifts of recovery is not only to find that higher power who can help us fix what we found impossible to fix ourselves...but to also realize how little control we have over people's perceptions of us. If you want to visit that gay AA meeting and catch up with some old friends, put everything else into the universe's hand and focus on what you can control. You might be amazed at how cool it is when you look for good.

06-28-2012, 03:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mo S Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Sarasota FL Posts: 281	Can't go back to Gay/Lesbian AA! Ok...I am going back to my hometown for the first time in 5 years. Its not really my "hometown" as it wont feel like "home" at all. Its more the place i grew up and got sober 28 years ago. So.... I would love to go back to a gay AA meeting, HOWEVER, they all thought i was certifiably nuts when i left ( I have those mental disorders they talk about in the BB), AND almost all my exes will be there...ok not all exes if you know what i mean...I was very young with raging hormones; lets put it that way. In the final analysis, I would love to see my exes but there is "too much water under the bridge" and I would feel like all eyes were on me WHICH THEY WERE. Gay AA in my former home is SOOOOOOOO clickey. UGGHHHH. I cant bear it....so i will miss out on seeing some of my true friends or aquantainces i would love to catch up with. I have no phone numbers anymore.....poor me lol. Looks like i will hit "regular" AA and hope i run into them. Thank you for letting me share and vent. __________________ One Minute At a Time....We can Recover.

06-29-2012, 10:34 AM	#2 (permalink)
Weasel1966 A simple guy making his way Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Long Island New York Posts: 2,188 Blog Entries: 36	Mo... I am not a AA person so no advice on that. But if I were to walk into a place that would make me feel uncomfortable because of the people there then why go? This should be easy. It doesn't sound like you live in that town so why stir a pot and leave. Unless the pot devilishly needs stirring. Good luck with your decision. __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You cannot see your strengths, but you gain confidence in their existence as they enable you to act. And the results of your actions you can see.

06-29-2012, 07:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
catallus Contented Blast Billards Champion! Pool Jam Champion! Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 124	Hi Mo, If you feel the need for a gay meeting, then go. You are going for your recovery; go in, say hello to everyone you want to, then get some recovery with them. They would probably luvs to see you also. It's difficult, but try not to project outcomes that haven't occurred, it may stop you from having a swell time. (and besides, if you really feel uncomfortable, you can always leave - and you would be able to say you tried). Have fun __________________ With the GIFT of recovery...The sky's the limit...

07-02-2012, 04:32 AM	#5 (permalink)
Mo S Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Sarasota FL Posts: 281	utopia- you make several good points. However, Ive been sober 28 years- how can you be part of AA and the fellowship without making life long, intimate friendships. Its a "we" program. __________________ One Minute At a Time....We can Recover.

07-02-2012, 04:27 AM	#4 (permalink)
utopia Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Australia Posts: 750	recovery must come first, its not a place to make friends, where is that in the traditions? its an easy way for the madness to come back in to find mroe reasons to keep away,,,but then again, some meetings are toxic, and if people cant put their stuff aside to focus on the meeting, then maybe ur recovery is better with a different meeting

07-02-2012, 04:35 AM	#6 (permalink)
utopia Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Australia Posts: 750	you can of course, and it can be a nice bonus, my point is that the focus should always be primarily on recovery, people should take their own inventory! lol if you hurt anyone, make amends, release the guilt. sobriety, sanity, its too precious.

08-23-2012, 03:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
michaelca happy sober gay guy Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: kirkland wa usa Posts: 3	Hopefully one of the gifts of recovery is not only to find that higher power who can help us fix what we found impossible to fix ourselves...but to also realize how little control we have over people's perceptions of us. If you want to visit that gay AA meeting and catch up with some old friends, put everything else into the universe's hand and focus on what you can control. You might be amazed at how cool it is when you look for good.

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