Extremely new to this...

[MatthewBrady]

Hi everyone. So I have completed my first ten days of sobriety. I have been addicted to opiates for the past four years, and honestly now that it's Sunday night--this has been the hardest part so far. Considering it was Halloween weekend, my opiate use typically would have been very, very, very huge this weekend. Instead, I went to a few meetings, hung out with sober friends, sought support, etc.

The most difficult part has honestly been feeling my feelings. Why I started using opiates was because they allowed me an escape unlike anything else--I could escape my depression, I could escape my anxiety, I could escape my innate shyness, I could escape EVERYTHING.

Now that I have abstained from everything for ten days, I am feeling everything! It's overwhelming. Everything I used to drown out and numb is absolutely coming to the surface seemingly quicker than what I have gathered is typical for most people newly sober.

I need advice please! I am seeing my counselor Tuesday and I honestly can't wait because I am going to be spilling my guts out about everything.

Part of the problem too is that I identified always as a "loner"--now I think that was a guard and defense mechanism from allowing people to get too close. I was also a closet user, used in secrecy, and never to have fun--only to numb out my uncomfortable emotions..

Any advice would be appreciate, because truthfully right now my emotion is very, very sad.

Thank you!

[MatthewBrady]

P.S. I am a graduate student in Mental Health therapy as well. Because of my issues with depression and numbed emotions, I need motivators to keep going with my heavy, intense workload. Because right now honestly I just want to loaf on my couch and watch The Brady Bunch and pig out.

[nandm]

Welcome to SR.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling so right now. I can say that it does get better. Unfortunately it does take time and a lot of work.

Are you utilizing any recovery program? If not it would be useful to consider one. They can be helpful with providing the tools to make it though times like these. Reaching out here at SR is also a very positive thing as you should find a lot of supportive people here. In my early recovery I had to make sure I kept myself quite busy. If I was not attending my recovery meetings, I was hiking, riding motorcycles, taking my dogs to the coast, spending time with my kids, etc... The less time I spent alone inside my head the better it seemed to be for me. That may not be the case for everyone it is just my experience.

On a side note. You are more than welcome here in the GLBT area of the forums if that is where you intended to post but you might also consider posting in our Newcomers section as well since that area is seen by a lot more people and you will receive faster responses and a lot more responses and shared experiences if you post there as well. If by chance you posted in the wrong section please feel free to let a moderator know or you can feel free to pm me and I will let one know and they can move this thread.

[MatthewBrady]

Hi, thank you for responding. I do feel better and I like yr advice about staying busy. There are things I need to keep in mind during this process, for example, staying busy, keeping active, and getting outside my head..I did mean to intentionally post in this forum for I'm also a gay man and I need support from others in the lgbtq community. In terms of a program, I guess so far its loosely structured,as its mostly going to meetings and seeing both a psychiatrist and a drug and alcohol counselor weekly...this weekend was the first major hurdle though, with having to find new and different things to do on weekend nights,rather than going to the bar and/or getting high...

[nandm]

Originally Posted by MatthewBrady

Hi, thank you for responding. I do feel better and I like yr advice about staying busy. There are things I need to keep in mind during this process, for example, staying busy, keeping active, and getting outside my head..I did mean to intentionally post in this forum for I'm also a gay man and I need support from others in the lgbtq community. In terms of a program, I guess so far its loosely structured,as its mostly going to meetings and seeing both a psychiatrist and a drug and alcohol counselor weekly...this weekend was the first major hurdle though, with having to find new and different things to do on weekend nights,rather than going to the bar and/or getting high...

That is the hardest part....finding those things at least it was for me. I had gotten so used to centering everything I did around getting drunk that I did not know how to do anything without drinking. It was hard to learn that I could still have fun and not be drinking. It took a while for my brain to learn how to do that. It did happen though.

I am very thankful that I met my partner in early sobriety. She is has 2 more years sobriety than I do. It helps to be with someone that does understand the struggles that we go through. It has also helped having this forum throughout most of my recovery. I have found some wonderful experience and support here.

Glad you did mean to post here as it is always nice to see a new face. People can sometimes be slow to respond down here so don't worry if responses come in over a period of days. We are still growing but we have some really good people here.

[catallus]

Hey now,

Yeah, early recovery is difficult and challenging. But it's important to deal with all these new feelings and issues as they come along. Like you said, in the past you drowned them out with opiates. I also used drugs and alcohol to stem the flow of feelings and my insecurities.

This is why you'll hear people say that recovery is hard work. It's not laborious work, but it's work that one's own body and mind does not want them to do - and that makes it difficult.

When I was using, alone was better for me also, but in recovery I found I needed support - both with friends in recovery and a therapist to "take out the garbage" - clear my side of the street, so I could at least start over without guilt and remorse throwing in their two-cents.

Please do not try this alone, try and build a good network of support. And yes, it's important to keep busy, whether it's school related, hobbies etc. But try to find a good balance, don't go overboard in any which direction. program, work, school, fun time - get a nice healthy balance going. It's all about change.

Let us know how Halloween goes - Happy Halloween!

[Toronto68]

Matthew, I'm an alcohol addict, but I had a memory "flicker" when you talked about feeling things and being in your first two weeks. For me, I would second-guess what I was feeling for quite a while. The sudden bursts of emotion would be heavy and then there would also be an exalted feeling about 5 or 6 months later.

The mix of things you are doing for a "program" sounds good to me. It's more than what I sought out, which was probably pretty risky for most people. I think staying busy is important too. I remember in new sobriety a sudden lethargy that really slowed me down. I thought I was having a major breakdown. (Well, I guess I did have one.) But staying physically active was good for me. There was also a new appreciation for sleep. I am coming up on my second year next month, but during the first year, I had some insomnia issues. This is probably one of the "excuses" that some people use when their addictive thoughts creep in. Even though it was a smack in the face after quitting, I told myself I needed time to repair myself; and I just suffered through it and then it got better till the next time. It hasn't been that bad during much of this second year. But many things might feel like a smack in the face. But we have to re-mature again and work through them. And to give ourselves credit when we earn it.

While there has been some variation to it, I am basically a loner too. And a gay man. I'm not clear on what the status is as far as obsessiveness goes with me, but I think I have some issues with it, but with hope in sight. I tend to concern myself with too much all at once (when looking at it from the perspective of other people). You might be similar to me, not really sure. Either way, it can be helpful to know that you don't have to solve everything all in one day. In the early days after I quit my addiction, I built strength in putting one day on top of the next.