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Old 03-30-2010, 03:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I have a crush on a total stranger

and now he's gone UGH!

I left school early today because the professor didn't show up. Pouring with rain, so I got drenched. The train home was jam packed, so I wound up sitting on the floor in the bicycle/cargo section, which is a "hangout" for the younger crowd.

Three guys came along and sat across the corridor, right in front of me, and my jaw just dropped. There he was: preppy, blond, not too tall - most definitely not my type. But, for some reason, I just could not take my eyes off him, there was that infamous *something* about him; I suddenly felt like a teenager =/

I must have been staring too openly, cos he looked over at me and kinda smiled and blushed. His friends were yakking about the gym, BBQs, girls.. he kept stealing glances at me.

Had he been alone, I would have definitely struck up a conversation with him (I've done that before), but the other two guys intimidated me, I guess. I was hoping he'd get off at my station, but he didn't. Blaaah.

Now I'm kicking myself for not having -subtly- slipped him my email/cellphone # on a piece of paper. I'll probably never see him again

I called my gay friend, told him about it, and he yelled at me... "where the f*** were your post-its!!!" Seems like whenever he's interested in someone, he uses a post-it to pass on the message - pink post-its, no less :/

Oh well, just needed to vent. On the bright side, it's been *years* since I've felt truly attracted to anyone - so much so that I was worrying I'd turned into a narcissistic, self-absorbed recluse:. A gift of recovery, maybe?

Still, I need to do this again: GAAAH!
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Old 03-30-2010, 04:21 PM   #2 (permalink)
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hate that when it happens but .. ok take the conversation they said Gym ... do you know where he got on at ? is there a gym near by there ? did it look like he may have just worked out you never know .. maybe have coffee in that area .. you never know who you mite see luvies
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Old 03-30-2010, 04:34 PM   #3 (permalink)
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hate that when it happens but .. ok take the conversation they said Gym ... do you know where he got on at ? is there a gym near by there ? did it look like he may have just worked out you never know .. maybe have coffee in that area .. you never know who you mite see luvies
*whine* no mention of a specific gym - anyway, his friends were talking about it, not him.. He got on the train in the downtown terminal (along with me and a swarm of other people). Oh well, not much I can do, I might as well let the whole thing go =/ bah!


Thanks Endzy :-) xox
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Old 03-30-2010, 08:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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If the Universe wanted you two to meet, it would've happened. You know how I feel about positive thinking, but in this case, do look on the bright side: You're starting to warm up to the world again and you're showing yourself you're ready for a relationship. Just next time your intuition says to go for it, don't let a moment of doubt enter (I should take my own advice haha).
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Old 03-31-2010, 09:15 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Thumbs up

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If the Universe wanted you two to meet, it would've happened. You know how I feel about positive thinking, but in this case, do look on the bright side: You're starting to warm up to the world again and you're showing yourself you're ready for a relationship. Just next time your intuition says to go for it, don't let a moment of doubt enter (I should take my own advice haha).

Fort, I agree with everything you've said =) Thank you for your advice

While addiction really messed up my relationships, in recovery I've spent the last couple of years preoccupied with other issues about myself - it needed to be done. Maybe I'm not quite there yet, but that's fine because I love being a work in progress.

What happened yesterday was so completely unexpected, though, and I suddenly feel very relieved - maybe a part of me assumed that I'd never be interested in relationships again. I've obviously been proven wrong, and I'm grateful for that.

Incidentally, I recently came across a very interesting debate online... "if it's meant to be it will happen" v. "you get out what you put into it". I've settled on "Fate will only take you so far, and the rest is up to you" as a happy medium. And yeah, blahblahblah, but action is key. Lesson learned.

In any case, I'm grateful for yesterday's experience - this guy unknowingly jolted me back to Life... maybe that was the "message". I hope I did something for him too

In any case, I'll be getting post-its green ones!
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Old 03-31-2010, 06:32 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Oh, Matt, this is so frustrating! I feel for you.

(...and I gotta say, Endzoner, I like the way you think!)

In all honesty, if it were me, and I was still thinking about it in a few days time, I would probably make some attempts to catch the same train at the same time a few times and watch carefully when people get on at the stop that he got on at. I know that's silly and with probably not a great likelihood of success (and probably shoots-to-hell my sane and rational SR image) but it's the truth. I've done stuff like that in the past...a couple of times with some luck.

...and definitely get yourself some notes and a little pen of some type...As my son says, "You gotta be prepared, man!" (They actually have right now lots of very cure little fancy note-pads with tiny pens that you can find in accessory, gift, or stationary shops -- it's kind of a fad at the moment for women to have these things in their purses.)

Also, and this is both expensive and a long shot, but you do sometimes see those ads: "You got on the X 4:24 train at Union Square, Wed. 3/10. You were X,Y and Z. I was staring and you knew it. Can't believe I missed my chance & can't stop thinking of you. Please have mercy and call 123-3456."

..and, yeah, I actually did that once too.....but with no luck.

freya
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Old 03-31-2010, 09:42 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Matt, sometimes I stay away from romantic topics deliberately, but you roped me in.

I have a friend far away in her 50s who just started a relationship with somebody she went through school with when she was growing up. I don't know if you will like how he looks once that time rolls around (ha ha), but maybe he will turn up again.

Even though it is a downer, sometimes these "angels" from unrequited moments are good keepsakes in the soul.
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Old 04-01-2010, 12:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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...Toronto... :p let me get this straight: I'm supposed to wait for 30 years? What should I do in the meantime, dress in black and take residence in a turret perched on a dramatic cliff?

Quote:
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Even though it is a downer, sometimes these "angels" from unrequited moments are good keepsakes in the soul.
Now *that* is beautiful And so very true. Tom Waits' "Just like the stranger with the weeds in your heart". I do have one of those.

Frey, "frustrating" indeed. The fact that I had a notebook and a bazillion pens in my backpack didn't cross my mind at the time. It boils down to simply not paying attention - an ongoing theme with me. And I have the nagging feeling that something quite obvious is eluding me, but I can't put my finger on it - yet.

Like you, I did the whole "catch the same train" thing... about ten years ago - and it worked. But I can't do that now, not without dropping out of that class.

I live in a huge city, and couldn't possibly cover all the available newspapers. It would be a loooong shot.

BTW, your son obviously takes after you Very smart. Honestly, I'm so dense sometimes. I've decided to get personal contact-info cards printed, to be used in case of emergency, LOL. Some friends have told me that would make me come across as a playa but... uhmm... I'm not - not anymore, anyway.

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Originally Posted by freya View Post
I know that's silly and with probably not a great likelihood of success (and probably shoots-to-hell my sane and rational SR image) but it's the truth.
I'm pretty sure your image is quite intact ;-) Your advice makes a lot of sense. In any case, sanity and rationality are ridiculously overrated. I'm the one having a very public meltdown, hissy fit and a bad case of puppy love, all rolled into one. Heck, I might as well finish off the job and destroy what's left of my ego: Mattcake79 sings "tadadadata ta da da DAH!" and s along - indeed, "swallow(ed) all my pride"





There!
*goofy grin*
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Old 04-01-2010, 12:39 PM   #9 (permalink)
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"Fate will only take you so far, and the rest is up to you"
I like that as a happy medium. Makes sense.

Maybe you did have to come across this situation to learn this lesson. That next time you see a guy you're interested in you WILL make contact. This guy was just sent to learn your lesson, perhaps next time the stranger WILL be Mr. Right and you WILL talk to him because you learned your lesson this time around. Yup, thats what I'm thinking.
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Old 04-01-2010, 02:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thanks, Baby I think you're right. This incident all but forced me to become more aware: yeah, after many years of eschewing relationships, I now *want* one. The transition from contented lone wolf to plain lonely was very abrupt, LOL. Typical! I do feel lonely, but not in a painful/needy/woe is me kinda way - I just want to share Life with people now, and that includes a partner

And yes, lesson learned... and no regrets, either. ACTION!

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Old 04-05-2010, 11:57 AM   #11 (permalink)
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You're starting to warm up to the world again and you're showing yourself you're ready for a relationship.
I like this. It's a good sign, even though you're kicking yourself for not talking to him.

I recently (after MONTHS of trying to pluck up courage) asked out a woman at my gym. We went on a date... I had ridiculously high hopes and, well, I don't think there'll be a second date. So the whole thing was a real anticlimax for me but it's good to get back out there!

Great idea about the post-its!
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Old 05-18-2010, 03:49 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Well, I ran into him again.

Train, absolutely crammed full, so I was leaning against a wall, totally absorbed in my book. Then I felt someone watching me (such a weird feeling!), so I looked up and it was he, making his way down the corridor, eyes on me. I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped because he blushed and scurried past me, into the next car (bike sector).

My first impulse was to chase after him, but that would have been too Murder in the Orient Express, so I decided to stay put and calm the heck down. I pretended to read my book for a couple of minutes while I plotted how to approach him (pouncing on him would have been crass and obvious). I eventually decided to walk up to him and start a conversation Having learnt my lesson, I scribbled my name, cell and email address on one of the cards that I now carry around with me at all times (including in the shower and in bed).

And then I lost my cool and panicked =/

It took me a full ten minutes to talk myself out of my fear of rejection -"just frigging do it"- at which point my station was nearing fast (surprise of the decade, the train driver was in a hurry :/), so I had very little time to act.

The next car was also packed, but I spotted him right away. I waded towards him, stepping over bicycles and stepping on toes. For whatever reason, he was biting his lower lip (any insights?). He was still 10 metres away when the train pulled into the station, the doors opened and that was it.

I gave up :/ I actually considered balling up the card and throwing it at him.

I must have looked so crestfallen and ridiculous that he smiled at me, promptly blushed yet again, looked away for a sec, then looked back at me. I was surprised! I threw a wide goofy grin in his general direction and got out, feeling pretty good

Third time's a charm?
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Old 05-18-2010, 04:57 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I knew I was forgetting something ;-)
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Old 05-19-2010, 09:43 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Wow.

Biting his lower lip? I do that when I don't know how to stay inside my skin and control is no where in sight.

If he smiled and blushed that number of times, that indicates to me he must be gay for one thing. It can also mean he is nervous and likes you, which is the sunny side. On the less sunny side, maybe he likes you well enough, but not in the "chemistry" way that you like him. The way you can like somebody but the buttons get pushed definitively for someone else.

I say, embrace any of the options as being a grateful day for a surviving gay man who is also an alcoholic. You're alive and in working order with any of them.

If there is another Train Moment, you could allow him to see you recognize him, then give it a bit of time to show nothing (a timing risk), and then make it so that you blatantly look back at him and just lock it for a good 5 seconds. He'll take in the first 2, then look away, then look back before the 5th one. That's when you smile. If he does too, then you know where you need to be on the train next.

Our Mattcake is a go-getter.
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Old 05-19-2010, 02:58 PM   #15 (permalink)
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On the less sunny side, maybe he likes you well enough, but not in the "chemistry" way that you like him. The way you can like somebody but the buttons get pushed definitively for someone else.
Maybe. Seems to me that if you're trading smiles and glances on a train, there's little else but "chemistry" to go on. Good luck Matt.

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Old 05-23-2010, 07:28 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Matt: Keep on crushin in moderation. I have done that. We are human. I saw a woman I 'phyisically' liked. Major eye candy. Then I bumped into her at a meeting. Yippee. Then at a GLBT gathering. Oh yeah. I was happy. Glad I never got the nerve up to talk to her... Turns out she's happily married to a wonderful woman whom I have seen in the rooms over the years. Damn. So she's not my 'mrs right'...so I wait. We should match each other up! We know enought about one another from coming on this board over the years.
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Old 06-01-2010, 02:16 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Spotted him yet again. Long story short, I wound up jamming the train door with my foot at my station, where I quickly jotted down a short note on a piece of paper; I extended it to him with a smile... he just stared at me (incredulously, I assume, and who could blame him) and didn't take it.

To hell with this, game over.
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Old 06-01-2010, 03:27 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Hey, matt. You have bigger balls than I do.


You put yourself out there. That's what's important. Take it easy, hon.
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Old 06-01-2010, 04:30 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Thanks, Bam. I guess you're right, I tried my best. BTW, I didn't act as crazed as I made it sound. I also didn't mention that he popped his head out and stared at me again right before the door slid shut.

Wouldn't you -at the very least- be intrigued if someone handed you a note? Even if you're a guy who's not into guys?

Whatever.

I did what I could here, now I'm letting it go.
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Old 06-01-2010, 05:26 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Matt, I am so impressed, in awe, PROUD of you!

Yes, if a handsome stranger on a train handed me a note and smiled at me with the door closing, I'd grab it in a flash and be totally intrigued!

Ya never know where this story is headed ...

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