A Newbie Shame & Remorse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Sebastian2 · 10-12-2009, 08:30 AM

Hello All,

I just came off of a 5 day drinking binge (new record for me). It started last Sunday at our cottage an hour away from our home, I stayed there alone and drank pretty much the whole week. I have a loving partner of 4 years. I told him I had hurt my back and needed to stay there to recover. I finally started to lose it on the 4th day and he rushed up to help me and found me to be quite a disaster, a blithering idiot.

I of course sent out some bizarre emails to people and even sent in an assignment to one of my grad school professors during the course of the week. I spent a lot of time on gay web site chatting with guys and being creepy. Ugh, I hate who I am.

I have not had a drink since Friday but feel horrible physically and mentally. I missed a week of classes and am now far behind in my studies. I cannot sleep at night due to anxiety, shame and remorse.. I don't feel like I will ever come out of this. I don't want to see anyone or do anything. I have been to 2 AA meetings since I have been sober. I will likely have a psychotherapy appointment this week, something I stopped last summer since "I had it all under control." I have been using Xanax lightly to reduce my stress and anxiety.

I feel like I am stuck in some weird funk and cannot get out. My partner has been incredible and supportive. I feel like I could lose this amazing man, what is he doing with ME!?

Will this get better and how long will it take?

Thanks,

Sebastian2

MCake · 10-12-2009, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sebastian2

Will this get better and how long will it take?

Welcome to SR, Sebastian =)

Reaching out for help is a great way to start

It may take a while, but it can -and will- get better, as long as you're willing to do the work. AA, therapy, peer support... these are all things you can do for yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sebastian2

My partner has been incredible and supportive. I feel like I could lose this amazing man, what is he doing with ME!? (...) Ugh, I hate who I am.

Don't hate yourself

Shame, remorse, guilt... these are all feelings that you can address, but do take one thing at a time, don't overwhelm yourself.

I hope you decide to commit to recovery... keep reaching out

and take care of yourself. Hope to see more of you.

indigo · 10-13-2009, 05:56 AM

Welcome to SR please try & put it behind you & don't beat yourself up over it, it can be a lesson instead of a tragedy, it's up to you now & have some faith in yourself your partner does.

ashleek · 10-13-2009, 07:49 AM

I totally agree with everyone, the past is in the past no matter if it was just yesterday. We can't turn back time and fix things but we can fix the future. Good for you for getting back in therapy, I go today for the first time to an addiction therapist. Keep coming back on here, there is a lot of support and wonderful people in all forum threads! Let us know how you are doing, we like updates good or bad. Much love to ya!

hebrewdiva · 10-21-2009, 02:00 PM

I've felt the same way, Sebastian...I'm pretty new to this and still can't get over the "I hate myself" thing. But let's hang in there, it will get better! Gotta have faith!

indigo · 10-26-2009, 07:34 AM

What better thing thing than love, put the guilt aside & embrace love.

10-12-2009, 08:30 AM	#1 (permalink)
Sebastian2 Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: IL Posts: 5	A Newbie Shame & Remorse Hello All, I just came off of a 5 day drinking binge (new record for me). It started last Sunday at our cottage an hour away from our home, I stayed there alone and drank pretty much the whole week. I have a loving partner of 4 years. I told him I had hurt my back and needed to stay there to recover. I finally started to lose it on the 4th day and he rushed up to help me and found me to be quite a disaster, a blithering idiot. I of course sent out some bizarre emails to people and even sent in an assignment to one of my grad school professors during the course of the week. I spent a lot of time on gay web site chatting with guys and being creepy. Ugh, I hate who I am. I have not had a drink since Friday but feel horrible physically and mentally. I missed a week of classes and am now far behind in my studies. I cannot sleep at night due to anxiety, shame and remorse.. I don't feel like I will ever come out of this. I don't want to see anyone or do anything. I have been to 2 AA meetings since I have been sober. I will likely have a psychotherapy appointment this week, something I stopped last summer since "I had it all under control." I have been using Xanax lightly to reduce my stress and anxiety. I feel like I am stuck in some weird funk and cannot get out. My partner has been incredible and supportive. I feel like I could lose this amazing man, what is he doing with ME!? Will this get better and how long will it take? Thanks, Sebastian2

10-13-2009, 05:56 AM	#3 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	Welcome to SR please try & put it behind you & don't beat yourself up over it, it can be a lesson instead of a tragedy, it's up to you now & have some faith in yourself your partner does. __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

10-13-2009, 07:49 AM	#4 (permalink)
ashleek FREAKING AWESOME! Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Paris KY Posts: 253 Blog Entries: 1	I totally agree with everyone, the past is in the past no matter if it was just yesterday. We can't turn back time and fix things but we can fix the future. Good for you for getting back in therapy, I go today for the first time to an addiction therapist. Keep coming back on here, there is a lot of support and wonderful people in all forum threads! Let us know how you are doing, we like updates good or bad. Much love to ya! __________________ I will not bow, I will not break, I will shed the world away, I will not fall, I will not fade, I will take your breath away ~ Breaking Benjamin You can stand under my Umbrella, ElLa, Ella, ELLa ~The beautiful Rihanna

10-26-2009, 07:34 AM	#6 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	What better thing thing than love, put the guilt aside & embrace love. __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

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10-21-2009, 02:00 PM	#5 (permalink)
hebrewdiva Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 35	I've felt the same way, Sebastian...I'm pretty new to this and still can't get over the "I hate myself" thing. But let's hang in there, it will get better! Gotta have faith!

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