sponsors?

[unda]

hi - I asked this in the newcomers forum (I am new here today) and was directed here. Glad to know this forum exists!

I am a lesbian who attends AA...now feeling that it is time for me to consider a sponsor. The question is: should I pick a same-sex sponsor, or a male? Truth be told, I have not always had the best of boundaries with other women, and am in a committed relationship now (which I have slowly but surely damaged with all my antics).

Do yo have any advice for me? The newcomers forum says I should look for a woman...can you all help me as well?

thank you,

Unda

[freya]

Welcome to SR! (Posted this in your other thread first; sorry, didn't know you were trying to move it over here.)

I'm a lesbian (specifically a q*eer femme) Al Anon member; the person who actually acts as my "sponsor" is a straight AA woman. We're both "real girly girls," but she's attracted to men and I'm attracted to butches. It's a little different, but it works. I guess I usually think of the "men work with men and women work with women" "rule" (and remember, really, there are no rules in the usual sense in AA!) as fundamentally coming down to the issue that it's just too likely to lead to awkwardness and other problems/complications if one finds oneself sexually attracted to the person upon whom one relies most heavily for program guidance and support. And who, especially in early recovery, needs more awkwardness and problems and complications????

So, find somebody who has what you want -- in terms of program, not sex-appeal -- and ask him/her to be a temporary sponsor, and, then, just trust your HP and see what happens.

freya

[nandm]

First Welcome to SR and our GLBT forum. Glad you are here.

Freya truly said what I would have said only worded it much better........there are not "rules" in AA. Listen to Freya and find someone who has what you want and for your sake and theirs just make sure it is someone you have no sexual interest in. A sponsor is too important in sobriety to not have one just because of the awkwardness of the situation. I have known many women both straight and gay who have had male sponsors and that relationship worked for them. Personally I have always had women sponsors. I have been fortunate that I have not had to deal with a sexual attraction to a sponsor so maybe I have been lucky or maybe I am just too attracted to my partner to even acknowledge the possibility of an attraction, who knows.

[indigo]

Welcome I am a woman identified woman, lesbian & I agree with the posts above, I cannot add as I am not a stepper all the best in your sober quest.

[louis]

Hi and welcome to SR

I am attracted to women but relate better with men so i thought... i was determined to get a male sponsor...

a) because i thought i related better to men
b) no sexual attraction

I found it very difficult to get men to sponsor me, when at meetings they would send me off to the females...
In the end i did get a female sponsor and it has worked out alot better than i could have imagined.

I was worried about me ruining things by becoming sexually attracted to them, i did become attracted to them, but not in the way i thought.... i was attracted to their spirit, determination, honesty and passion for helping another person... and their own recovery

We have become good friends now and that relationship has grown over time...

What it comes down to is what the others have said... This woman had something i wanted... i respect her... and i wanted what she had...

So i am going or it....

Try not to look at the outside... if you see someone who has what you want... dont let your own fears of what MIGHT happen hold you back

Welcome again
louis

[FanofJoeMcQ]

I just saw this thread. I am attracted to women first. So when it was time to get a sponsor. Divine providence stepped in. My recovery counselor was a man. Whom I told I was bisexual. So he matched me up with his wife (later I found out she was phobic) and we laughed over it years later. They really turned my life around. She died a year ago. I miss her. We had 13 years as sponsor/sponsee then friends. We all learned from each other in a purely platonic way.