Is this a boundary issue?

[evmdimples]

This is a bit convoluted as I try to unravel my thoughts.

I've been bothered about a couple of things that came up recently with someone who used to be my therapist. Now she's a friend's therapist. I've been wondering about some things that happened in a group activity she (therapist) was leading recently, that seemed highly innapropriate, i.e. she was trying to impose her will on the group (everybody noticed this and just rolled their eyes, one person stormed off, she made an inappropriate comment about my financial standing, etc); the next day, she was trying to impose her will on my friend and I while we were doing her a favor (driving her to the airport). Now I'm realizing, maybe this is the first boundary that's been breached? The client/therapist relationship? Is it appropriate for a therapist to ask a client to be their ride to the airport? I'm sensing this is the first boundary that's been broken. No wonder other boundaries were being broken left and right recently. I don't believe any therapist I've ever dealt with has ever made themselves available to me outside of therapy sessions; quite frankly, I now see why that's not a good thing. We got to see some of her issues and I'm guessing that's not a good thing for a client to see in her therapist! From this experience comes another question: how do you effectively deal with someone who wants to impose their will on you? Is this indicative of unhealthy boundaries, people overstepping boundaries and ok to walk away from these types of people? As a codependent, I tend to try and make nice to the point that it is damaging to me. I'm trying to become better at distinguishing inappropriate behaviors and establishing appropriate boundaries for myself.

Thoughts/suggestions please?
Thanks!

[freya]

It does sound to me like this woman has some professional boundary issues -- especially if she's making inappropriate and/or personal comments about clients in front of a group and/or other clients.

I've got to say that I personally do not buy into the widely-held patriarchal assumptions about the necessity and healthfulness of a lot of the "rules" about professional behavior and boundaries and on the separation between the personal and the professional. And I like to see thoughtful, careful, attempts to push the envelope in this regard. However, I also recognize that fact that those rules and distinctions have been developed in an attempt to avoid serious and dangerous complications and abuses of power in professional - client relationships, and that any attempt to question and change them must, therefore, include alternative strategies to avoid those same kinds of problems. Unfortunately, I also have personal experience with therapists who have used the "those rules are patriarchal and need to be questioned" as an excuse to throw out the baby with the bathwater and to try to get away with all kinds of truly unethical behavior.

I guess that my gut response, given the info you've provided, is that I personally probably would not necessarily assume that, by itself, asking for a ride to the airport was an issue...but when put in the context of the other behaviors you've mentioned, it does seem to be just one more example of a highly suspicious pattern.

freya

[MCake]

The American Psychological Association (APA) has a code of ethics: APA Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct If you take a look at it you'll find that this lady has probably violated certain rules (assuming that she is a psychologist, and not a counsellor/advisor/psychiatrist - they have different codes, though the contents are similar).

These rules aren't arbitrary, among other things they're designed to protect the patient from iatrogenic damages. Therapeutic relationships are unique and very complex, a client is typically placed in an extremely vulnerable position, so a therapist's missteps may have serious consequences. That's the main reason for setting up and enforcing such a strict framework.

Asking clients for rides, discussing personal issues -never mind breaching confidentiality- are huge no-nos. I've fired therapists for much less than that.

If the current arrangement is making you feel uncomfortable, chances are boundaries are being broken, and maybe you should reconsider the situation. As therapy is such a personal process, though, it's your call of course - you need to decide what to do about it.

Good luck, keep us posted

[evmdimples]

Thanks for the information. I'm finally understanding that it all boils down to how it feels to me; as another SR friend stated: do I feel safe or not? In this case, what I experienced/saw felt inappropriate to me. My concern is for my friend, who is currently this woman's client.

Last sunday my friend and i attended an event hosted by the therapist (celebration of autumnal equinox). In thinking back, the only ones in attendance who had a professional relationship with the therapist are my friend (current client) and myself (former client.) Everyone else was a friend/colleague of the therapist. I think that's where the client/therapist lines become blurred. It's become clear that for me, a therapist is not a friend and the relationship needs to remain professional even outside of the therapy room. After much thinking, I finally decided to express how I felt about the therapist/professional boundaries to my friend, and to use Matt's words, she can decide what to do about it.

The whole incident did mirror my own boundary issues and in fact helped me deal with something this week, me saying no to someone! Now that was hard, because usually I tend to agree to do things I may not want to do. For fear of losing a friend. Or people getting mad at me. Today I exercised my right to say NO! Politely. And I offered to do something else instead, something that did feel right for me.

Recovery in action, gotta luv it!

[Bamboozle]

Good job, e.

I'm sure it's needless to mention, but exploitation isn't limited to the financial and sexual. It would be a disaster for your friend to get attached to the therapist in such a way that therapy and your friend's mental well-being is compromised. Hopefully your friend treads carefully.

Your friend is lucky to have you.

[MCake]

I'll have to add that I have strong feelings regarding this topic - when I was a teenager, I terminated work with a therapist whose unethical interventions and behaviour severely affected my mental health.

Without going into details, as I'd rather just forget about the whole thing, this person violated my trust, confidentiality and, more importantly, introduced me to the "disease" model of homosexuality. I obviously know better than that BS model now but, at the height of my vulnerability, it was the last thing I needed to hear.

I'm all for progressive approaches (in fact, I enjoy them), but only as long as the mental health practitioner in question is aware of the responsibilities that are intrinsic to their line of work: their actions and words have very important consequences.

[evmdimples]

((Thanks for sharing that experience Matt!))

This has developed an interesting twist. My friend just told me that while she does not feel the therapist in question necessarily overstepped boundaries, she does feel there's something "different". And... that her previous two therapists did in fact overstep boundaries with her but she hasn't been able to figure out what's going on. Maybe she'll be able to put together the pieces of the puzzle soon enough.

Meanwhile, I'm feeling a nice inner glow of satisfaction (or is it self confidence?) born from this newfound awareness about my absolute right to say NO (without guilting myself out of that option!) So simple, but yet so difficult for me. I'll be practicing this very consciously this week.

thanks for the input!

[Bamboozle]

Nice, e. I'm trying to work on not being a people pleaser.

[HuskyPup]

Sounds like she's definitely violating some serious rules.

Remember.....If you've got a phone, you've got a lawyer! :P

HP