Looking for an Answer

[Cpop86]

Hey all, this is a bit of a complicated scenario, but perhaps speaking of it will help me figure a few things out. Unfortunately I cant just put this scenario out there without a little background. I'm currently 23, and have been trying to sort this out for years and years. I used to love the women, but as of 9th or 10th grade, I've began to change. It was something of a complete change and my interest in straightness dropped. I was never the type to run around "hooking up" in clubs or on the net etc etc. No interest in it anymore either. I tried to find something that was real and beyond just physical attraction, and that would last. I was on the down low about this for a long time. I pursued (short lasting) relationships and finally accepted myself and came out 5 years ago at the age of 18. It was easier and others were more accepting than I thought.

Here's the interesting thing- It just so happened at that point a couple weeks later I started to having second thoughts about this and had no idea what was wrong with me. I have spoke with a counselor and he said it was normal in many, which now I certainly know. Long story short I kept to the gay side and a year ago pursued a relationship during this time. We've grown attached and it certainly was something real feeling. My curiosity was much less about changing being that I was so happy...Although I always had some, more so today than I ever had.

My significant other and I recently have had problems and we broke up two days ago, which I am beyond distraught over. He said I can continue to live with he and his roommate but his mind is made up. That I will get over, Ive been through plenty of ugly scenarios before.

Here's my main problem: I really doubt I want to remain under this lifestyle, part of me really wants to date a like minded girl instead (although not my current main goal in life). The thing is I isolate myself and am very shy. I have a tough time starting a conversation with guys I don't know, and with a girl its much worse. Actually all my friends that have stayed by my side are all guys. This makes me wonder if the fact that I don't even know how to talk to women my age has played a part in the life decisions that I've made. I've asked one girl out a long time ago without knowing her and was rejected so since then It's been even harder for me. I don't know what to think anymore honestly. I'd love to be in a setting and make some friends that ARE girls so maybe I could learn to socialize a bit better. I dont know where to start either. Does this make sense to anyone? Please help me out here

PS I've posted this message on the relationship board as well, please disregard it