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09-30-2009, 02:26 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 4
| sponsors?
hi - I asked this in the newcomers forum (I am new here today) and was directed here. Glad to know this forum exists! I am a lesbian who attends AA...now feeling that it is time for me to consider a sponsor. The question is: should I pick a same-sex sponsor, or a male? Truth be told, I have not always had the best of boundaries with other women, and am in a committed relationship now (which I have slowly but surely damaged with all my antics). Do yo have any advice for me? The newcomers forum says I should look for a woman...can you all help me as well? thank you, Unda |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to unda For This Useful Post: | louis (10-01-2009) |
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09-30-2009, 09:21 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| ...all this, and brains, too!  Join Date: May 2004 Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 1,146
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Welcome to SR! (Posted this in your other thread first; sorry, didn't know you were trying to move it over here.) I'm a lesbian (specifically a q*eer femme) Al Anon member; the person who actually acts as my "sponsor" is a straight AA woman. We're both "real girly girls," but she's attracted to men and I'm attracted to butches. It's a little different, but it works. I guess I usually think of the "men work with men and women work with women" "rule" (and remember, really, there are no rules in the usual sense in AA!) as fundamentally coming down to the issue that it's just too likely to lead to awkwardness and other problems/complications if one finds oneself sexually attracted to the person upon whom one relies most heavily for program guidance and support. And who, especially in early recovery, needs more awkwardness and problems and complications???? So, find somebody who has what you want -- in terms of program, not sex-appeal -- and ask him/her to be a temporary sponsor, and, then, just trust your HP and see what happens. freya
__________________ I never did give anybody hell; I just told the truth and they thought it was hell. -- Harry S. Truman |
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10-01-2009, 12:08 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Life the gift of recovery!  Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 5,310
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First Welcome to SR and our GLBT forum. Glad you are here. Freya truly said what I would have said only worded it much better........there are not "rules" in AA. Listen to Freya and find someone who has what you want and for your sake and theirs just make sure it is someone you have no sexual interest in. A sponsor is too important in sobriety to not have one just because of the awkwardness of the situation. I have known many women both straight and gay who have had male sponsors and that relationship worked for them. Personally I have always had women sponsors. I have been fortunate that I have not had to deal with a sexual attraction to a sponsor so maybe I have been lucky or maybe I am just too attracted to my partner to even acknowledge the possibility of an attraction, who knows.
__________________ NOTE: All Big Book quotes are from the First Edition of the Big Book  WHY DOGS LIVES ARE SO MUCH SHORTER THAN HUMANS: People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice. Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long  |
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10-01-2009, 02:45 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter  Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,919
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Welcome I am a woman identified woman, lesbian & I agree with the posts above, I cannot add as I am not a stepper all the best in your sober quest.
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté  |
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10-01-2009, 01:57 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Here's me. but when drinking could be found in doorways!
Posts: 802
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Hi and welcome to SR I am attracted to women but relate better with men so i thought... i was determined to get a male sponsor... a) because i thought i related better to men b) no sexual attraction I found it very difficult to get men to sponsor me, when at meetings they would send me off to the females... In the end i did get a female sponsor and it has worked out alot better than i could have imagined. I was worried about me ruining things by becoming sexually attracted to them, i did become attracted to them, but not in the way i thought.... i was attracted to their spirit, determination, honesty and passion for helping another person... and their own recovery We have become good friends now and that relationship has grown over time... What it comes down to is what the others have said... This woman had something i wanted... i respect her... and i wanted what she had... So i am going or it.... Try not to look at the outside... if you see someone who has what you want... dont let your own fears of what MIGHT happen hold you back Welcome again louis |
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