why are women cougars?

[evmdimples]

this is not specific to glbt but it affected me last night and so I post it here. It's about labels.

Why is it that women who are engaging in relationships with younger men being labelled cougars (which I don't believe is meant as a flattering trait, at least not the way I've heard people use it.)

Much to my surprise, last night I was called a cougar (by my ex-ex-g/f); most of my adult involvements have been with men/women a few years younger than me. (Now that I think about it, the ex-ex herself has always been involved with younger women--except for me, but I'm the "cougar".... double standards even in the glbt world? Or maybe just stupidly and blindly following the antics of pop culture without thinking twice about what she's actually saying.) Nevertheless, I don't think I've ever heard of a man being labeled a cougar because he dates a younger man/woman. In fact, that's pretty much the traditional standard in hetero unions.

Cougar. Hmmph. Don't we have enough labels to deal with? What gives?

Venting a bit, thanks for listening!

[Done_With_It]

Here's a good article on "Cougars". I think there is always going to be some kind of label out there, I wouldn't take on any label unless it was flattering to myself. lol.

If you don't like it, don't take it on, is how I look at things these days. But that's just me. I do know a lot of women who are like you and are very upset about this whole
cougar thing, so your not alone. I think the new Courtney Cox show will be interesting to see.

Are More Older Women With Younger Men? - ABC News

[Bamboozle]

I like older women...


Anyone calls you that go ahead and call her/him what he/she is--@sshole.


Hi, evm.

[mattcake79]

I agree with Bam - labels tend to be lazy and based on ignorance. I can definitely see why you'd be offended. From Urban Dictionary": An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie (censored ). Cougars are gaining in popularity as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her **** together. "

I've been both mountain lion and prey, but I guess it's - inevitably - different with men. I have to wonder who coined the term "cougar" though - for some reason I doubt it was the "preys" who, going by this account, seem to be pretty satisfied and happy with the arrangement. In fact, I think they're purring.

[suki44883]

Well, I can't speak for anyone else, but I've enjoyed a few cougar moments in my life and if I'm lucky, I'll enjoy a few more before I shuffle off this mortal coil.

Labels don't bother me. Like someone once said...it's not what they call you, it's what you answer to.

[utopia]

I think Cougars rock, but i only know of the animal

Cougar - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

As for being labelled by others theres quite a few names that GLBT are saddled with, but not only labels but also preconceived assumptions about our lifestyle, our choices in fashion, culture and depending where you live an assortment of legal prejudices that inhibit our rights to live the same way as our heterosexual brothers and sisters. yes its bullshit.

As for the cougar comment i think you need to say "f**k em all!!!" you are your own person and once your self esteem is strong in the wonder of your own self (as wonderful as all others) you wont need to be bothered with the comments and labels of small minded bigots and hating charlatans.

also as long as you're both consenting adults its noone elses business.

[indigo]

Well I hadn't heard of this particular label of course there are legion!!!! I have had two cougar relationships & I enjoyed them so whey the he!! I think labelling is for people who need to get a life instead of living through other people good points people.

[Bamboozle]

I think most labeling is just a way for people to take barbs at one another. Context is important, IMO.

That being said I do identify as atheist and lesbian. I'm proud of being the way I am...and calling myself such gets me in touch with similar people.

[freya]

Regardless of the current meaning of the term, as far as I can tell, these kind of comments pretty much always come from a place of insecurity and usually of jealousy as well.....As such, the best response is to laugh and reply snarkily: "Well, at least I'm getting laid!" or "Oh my, sounds like somebody needs to get laid!"

Can't say I've got a lot of experience with the younger-straight-men-thing -- and, what I do have makes it a rather scary thought for me.

Back when I dated men-born-male -- even when I was very young -- I almost always dated older ones. I rarely dated men less than 10 years older than me -- and often they were 15 -25 yeas older. I was pretty consciously operating on the assumption that they had to become emotionally mature at some point. There was a very, very brief period -- after I realized my assumption was erroneous, that I tried the "Well, if they're going to have the emotional maturity of a 5 year old no matter what, I guess they might as well have the body of a 20 year old," approach, but that was a dismal failure for me, because, let's face it, there is just no way around the lack of emotional maturity no matter how hot the body, and, even when it comes to the sex, really, I don't want a sex partner that I have to "train" to that extent -- that just pretty quickly gets to be way too much of a "top" space for me to enjoy it and be comfortable in it at all.

However, if I wanted to date younger men, I certainly wouldn't let any "cougar" b*llsh*t" stop me. I mean, it's my life and my choice, and, really, pretty much like in any other area of it, I really don't give a d*mn what other people think -- especially, in this particular instance, lesbian exes who, if they were to make some kind of lame-*ss comment like this to me, I would have to figure were just operating out of their own insecurities triggered by the fact that I was dating a man-born-male.

freya

[Rainbowgirl128]

send some of those cougars my way! i love older women and can never find them.

i do understand your frustration with the labels and double standard. it is what it is...the gender gap with women getting the short end of the stick.

[Fluttering]

labeling, stereotype, catagorizing.. I agree with the statement hat it all stems from ignorance and narrow mindedness

acceptance is the answer

[evmdimples]

Nice lively discussion, great input everybody! And as usual, it's reminded me of some things and helped me define a few others that were just lurking beneath the surface, mainly:

1) I do HATE labels! (Especially ones that carry a somewhat negative connotation.) Labels make me feel like I'm in a box and can't breathe. Just my thing I guess. Thanks for the support and the suggested responses, lol!
2) Matt: prey, predator... yeah, I guess so... I'm definitely the predator, the huntress (is that a label?!)... and that's brought up some other stuff that I need to explore, having to do with those damned (W)hore-mones and the devastation they can wreak when she goes a 'huntin'! (As far as those kittens, Matt, they are indeed left purring contentedly
3) Freya: immaturity in the younger set. Yeah, I hear you on that one. It's also happened with the women I've dated as well. No doubt something I need to look at in myself. And given that I can actually see it now, I will attribute it to my own growth thanks to recovery!
4) Lastly, (does a happy dance ) hallellujah, praise be, thanks to all the gods/desses/universe/corner table, for you ladies who like older women!!!

(Hi Bam! How u doin'?)

[divvd]

the way i see it: the term cougar should be used to empower yourself if you ever find someone labeling you as such.

you are fierce.
you are strong.
you are one of mother nature's most beautiful creatures.
you have instincts honed to weaponry levels.

and, shoot-- if you're a cougar, so be it. attack 'em. .

[HuskyPup]

Wow, I never heard of this term before. I live sort of outside the mainstream world, then again :P

I am involved in the furry community, that subculture that imagines themselves as an animal they idendify with(spiritually, symbolically, &c), and sometimes dress in costume as. So women being cougars sounds pretty cool to me, as they are such beautiful cats. But then again, I often see men compared to dogs, and women comapred to cats in general; not sure how this all came about.

Anyway, I'd be proud to be called such a noble name as cougar, though I am male!

HP

[Live]

My last husband was 14 years older than me.
My next one to be is 5 years younger than me.
And I had never heard the term cougar before...but I quickly got called one by his relatives within the first coupla weeks!
I don't think anyone called the last husband anything more than lucky!

[indigo]

I don't know why younger women are attracted to me but they do seem to be!!!

[evmdimples]

I went to a party last night. A woman started to flirt with me was. She was 13 years younger, lol! I guess it's just us indigo!

divvd, I enjoyed your comment and will be using your words when self-esteem fails!

[ElegantlyWasted]

Cougar meat is most likely to taste better than that of her cubs.... I think the term is fun and light hearted. Only haters would use It to bash another person. If there is actual connection and attraction between two consensual people and we are not talking in breeding.... Let it go!!! And go for it!

[ElegantlyWasted]

What is a man born male?

[freya]

A"man-born-male" is someone who IDs (identifies himself as) as a man and happens to have been born male, i.e with a body the physiological sex of which is male.

"Man" is a gender identity, and, as such, is both different from and can exist independently of the sex "male." There are females and intersexed persons who ID as "men," also.

I happen to be attracted to butch females (females whose gender presentation -- behavior and mannerisms -- tend to be masculine, sometimes very masculine), some of whom ID as "women" and some of whom ID as "men".....So, it's important to me, when I comment on a thread related to issues around romantic and/or sexual relationships, to be careful to accurately express exactly what I mean to say -- Otherwise people tend to make silly (and false) assumptions based on the cultural expectation that biological sex necessarily determines all matter of other things about one's sex and gender behavior and identity.

For more info see this thread:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-helpful.html (Just Being Helpful)

Thanks for asking!

freya