Anyone here lack a family?

[otterbearcat]

I remember when saying you were 'family' meant you were gay and we used this terminology because we lacked families of our own because of who we were.

My Dad wasnt around growing up, parents divorced he is an alcoholic and a pot head.

I am not and have no plans to talk to my mom, she became a born-again Christian right around the time I came out and doesnt accept my being a lesbian.

No brothers or sisters.

Got rid of alot of friends after I quit drowning myself in alcohol.

Just wondering if others in this community are in the same boat?

Parents reject you because you are gay?

[mattcake79]

I'm sorry so many people rejected you due to your sexual preference

When I came out 10 years ago, I made it clear that my orientation and my feelings were non-negotiable. My parents weren't exactly thrilled - in fact, they did not see it coming. They had a hard time accepting my sexuality, but they eventually came around... these days, they try to be supportive in their own clumsy way. My sister, however, was great right from the start - very understanding, open minded and supportive; I consider her my best friend My closest friends were fine with it, too. I'm very grateful for that. The few people who did take issue are no longer part of my life.

[mattcake79]

I should add that, when I came out, I was not as totalitarian as I've made it sound. I realised that some people may have understandable problems with it it, and I was more than willing to work those issues through with them. For example, my parents had lots of questions and valid concerns. It's been a cyclical process.

The people who got the boot were those who reacted in a closed-minded way by rejecting me outright.

[indigo]

I was lucky when I came out so many years ago now my parents were supportive & treated my girlfriends no differently. When I found my partner of nearly 25 years my parents loved her immediately & on my mothers deathbed she told her that she was an angel & knew I was happy so she was able to die without worrying. I am so sorry you have had such a negative response you will find your "family" & when you do the other things won't hurt the same. I wish you peace of mind & love.

[Bamboozle]

(((obc)))

[sct]

I moved out about two weeks after my dad found out I was gay, y'know, long enough for stuff to heal up. We haven't spoken or seen each other since.

I only communicate with my mother via letters. She usually says "people like you" rather than gay...

Oh well.

[mattcake79]

Originally Posted by sct

I moved out about two weeks after my dad found out I was gay, y'know, long enough for stuff to heal up. We haven't spoken or seen each other since.

I only communicate with my mother via letters. She usually says "people like you" rather than gay...

Oh well.

[otterbearcat]

Originally Posted by sct

I moved out about two weeks after my dad found out I was gay, y'know, long enough for stuff to heal up. We haven't spoken or seen each other since.

I only communicate with my mother via letters. She usually says "people like you" rather than gay...

Oh well.

Do you have other people in your life that you consider family?

[otterbearcat]

Originally Posted by indigo

I was lucky when I came out so many years ago now my parents were supportive & treated my girlfriends no differently. When I found my partner of nearly 25 years my parents loved her immediately & on my mothers deathbed she told her that she was an angel & knew I was happy so she was able to die without worrying. I am so sorry you have had such a negative response you will find your "family" & when you do the other things won't hurt the same. I wish you peace of mind & love.

Yeah that is lucky, I am glad for you.
In all cases, my girlfriend's parents have always been way more accepting.

The fact that my Mom has been so unaccepting is really the root cause of so many issues for me , so it is really annoying and frustrating on top of all those feelings of rejection.

[otterbearcat]

Originally Posted by mattcake79

They had a hard time accepting my sexuality, but they eventually came around... these days, they try to be supportive in their own clumsy way.

Yeah,I just finally reached a point where I couldnt take it anymore. I would say that I went on camping trip with my girlfriend and she would just act like I didnt even say anything.
About 10 years ago I was dating someone named Tina and she called her Gina and referred to her as my roommate when she knew damn well her name was Tina and it was a one bedroom apt!

[sct]

I have a few people, my partner, and his niece and nephew and their mom, and some very good people in recovery. I'm don't naturally warm to people quickly, but my 'family' is slowly growing.

[freya]

Actually, I have a pretty amazing "family of origin" and a pretty amazing group of people who constitute a "chosen family" for me, too. At my 50th b'day party a couple of weeks ago, one of my long-time friends (a gay man with whom I used to teach) gave me this card in which he had written just the most incredible things about my family and my home...and the thing is, that, really they're all true....about how open and accepting and nurturing and supportive of an environment we've created and how many people we've helped, and/or provided refuge for, and/or just made feel welcome and entertained. Every time I try to read it again, it makes me cry.

...and just Monday evening I had an Al Anon friend come over so that I could give her a key, just in case she needs an emergency escape place. If she ends up at our house, she'll be the third "battered woman" to have lived in our attic room. There have also been 3 newly recovering addicts/alcoholics and one gay teen who got thrown out by his parents. It's funny, but my kids, my mom (who lives with me) and my brothers and sisters all kinda consider all of these people as "family members" now. One of my best friends -- who lived with us for ~6 months after I "rescued" her from an abusvie relationship -- calls me her "good mother" (as opposed to her "bad/birth mother" whose abuse set her on the road to choosing abusive partners). This woman actually, in the time she lived with us, went from being a total victim/martyr to taking the stand in a court of law to testify against her abuser and send her to jail.

The only "serious problem" I've ever had in terms of "family" was with my dad. He was not an active alcoholic himself but he came from a very alcoholic, highly dysfunctional hugely extended alcoholic family. He was extremely emotionally retarded and basically totally unable to be an adult, let alone a parent. During my teens I went through alternating periods of "trying to get through to him" and just loathing him so much that I couldn't stand to be around him. Then, in my mid 20's I had an acceptance break-though with him -- and by that I mean, I had an "AH HA" in which I totally saw him for who/what he was, realized he was never going to change, and was able to let go both of hating him and of trying to get him to be the father I wanted him to be. From that point on, I had pretty limited (by me) and controlled (by me) contact with him.......and that worked and was good for me. (He died in 1996.)

It was also very, very liberating because all of that energy that I had been futiley "giving" to him either in trying to change him or just in resenting him and letting him live rent-free in my head, was mine again to use for better, more constructive things.

I think that that is one of the best things about my family -- there is absolutely no idea/expectation/assumption that we let each other behave badly, or that we don't tell the truth about what's really going on (with ourselves, in the family, or anywhere else), or that we "keep our dirty secrets" for each other or co-sign each other's b*llsh*t. Actually, if I were to want to try to find someone to cosign some b*llsh*t, the very last place I would look would be to my family members. It's like, with us, it's: be honest, be true, be strong and you've got everyone's support 101%. But start in with the b*llsh*t, the denial, the poor-me-ism, the game-playing, and it'll be: "Later-much, give us a call when you're ready to get real."

freya

[Fluttering]

I am the "black sheep of the family. They call ocasi9onally, probably out fo a sense of duty or obligation or as hisdtory has shown me, for appearance sake. My younger ister comes out on occasion to se her daughters and I get to see her then. But I learned this past summer that the bond I thought we had was only in my own mind.

The fellowship here is not very supportive, unless you are part of the clique, which I do not believe is part of the fellowship.
I feel more supported and encouraged by folks on the boards.
and of course I have my awesome, loving HP.

[bjork]

When I first came out, I brought my girlfriend home for the holidays and my family got to know her and they seemed ok with it (as long as there wasn't any PDA). Actually, nobody ever said anything. They just pretended like everything was fine and never mentioned/acknowledged she was my lover.

Now, my parents don't really acknowledge my gayness either. I have joked that I need to come out again. I feel like my family just finds it easier to tolerate, but not to deal with.

I don't have any family involved in my life. There are phone calls on holidays (that I initiate), but not much more. I have decided to quit going home for holidays as I am in another country and it is always very hurtful. This summer I have chosen to stay overseas during my summer holiday. It's really sad and something I need to start dealing with....but....my family is really not a part of my life.

I have a few close, long-time friends that I keep in touch with. Other than them, it seems that my friends have been very transient. Now that I stopped drinking, it seems like recently added friends weren't exactly good friends afterall.