am i realy gay not again????

[cloud8]

hay im 45 i cant take this ****, i love the male body it turns me on no doubt there, but usualy there 20 or at least under 30,my ageor older men dont do it for me.. im not a perv i just like guys in there 20s .

but now ive got this girl at work that realy likes me hell shes even said she wants to marry me,, it feels so good to have a woman care for me like she does, and i have a good time with her at work always laughing and joking ect,,
and shes my age. pretty and she seems to accept me as i am, although i havent told her im gay yet, could it be ive been wrong all along that my attration to guys has been just about sex and nothing else?? im lonely for love and attention this is true and ive never realy had the kind of relationship with another man like im feeling with her. but im just not turned on by the girl sexualy wish i was but im not,

i want to have a guy feel for me like she does for me, and i want to feel like that for a guy, but i sure do miss my times with my mom now that shes gone,, maybey im looking for a mother figuar. lol

anyway still sober thank god i sure had more luck in the depratment of sex when i was drinking then i do now..without for 3 years yikes..i guess im looking for more then just sex had plenty of that, but i want more today, just trying to understand my attraction to this girl,, anyone ever have similar experiance?? be nice guys im confused enough lol..

greatful to be sober and have the chance to grow..

[Amazonqueen522]

Please dont use her if your not sure what it is that you are looking for.

[cloud8]

Originally Posted by Amazonqueen522

Please dont use her if your not sure what it is that you are looking for.

AND THATS THE PROBLEM ISENT IT IM A BAD PERSON FOR USING HER TO FIND MYSELF,, SELFISHNESS THAT IS THE ROOT OF OUR PROBLEMS WE THINK.. IM GONNA TALK WITH HER TOMMAROW AND TELL HER THE TRUTH, IF I ONLY KNEW WHAT THE TRUTH IS,, FEAR OF COMMITMENT, FEAR OF INTAMACY, OR IM JUST PLAIN GAY.. I THINK ITS ALL 3..THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP..

[mattcake79]

Hi Cloud

I can relate to what you're experiencing. My best friend - a girl - used to tell me stuff like that all the time. When I came out to her, she was only slightly surprised, and she told me that she kind of suspected it - let's face it, most girls don't "flirt" with guys by telling them they want to marry them, lol. We're very good friends, and we often discuss how right we'd be for each other if I were straight. But it's pretty clear to both of us that it's not going to happen, for obvious reasons.

Having said that, I do think that it's possible to identify and feel 100% gay, and still feel attracted to the opposite sex in a non-sexual way. I know of openly gay men who chose to pair up with women they loved, who were aware of the situation but decided that they could handle it. Of course, the whole "Will and Grace" thing doesn't usually work out well in reality.

Also... the fact that you've yet to find a man who attracts you in a loving -as well as physical- way is not unheard of . That situation isn't exclusive to the GLBT community, yanno.. Many of us are still looking for someone who can satisfy both our emotional and physical needs.

I think that honesty is very important here. It's challenging, but it's also very rewarding and worthwhile.
Good luck with your friend =) Keep us posted!

PS. Being gay is only a problem if you turn it into one. Being confused at the moment doesn't make you a bad person either.The confusion will probably clear up, as long as you're true to yourself

[freya]

First off, I personally believe that, we don't "fall in love" with bodies -- we "fall in love" with people.

That being said, however, it's impossible for me personally to imagine being in a committed life-partnership situation with someone whom I didn't also desire physically. And, yes, some people can manage the "open relationshp" thing well on a long-term basis -- but, in my experience, those people are very few and far between, and the ones I know who have managed to do it well and happily would be the first to say that it is not an easy thing.

Also, it is very, very common for people in relatively early recovery to discover hitherto unrecognized "issues," complications, whatever around their sexuality. As I've written eselwhere, I have had the opportunity to work with several women whose sponsors "referred" them to me specifically for help with these kinds of issues. I don't know if there's anyone you know in program who might be able to help you work through any of this, but it would probably be very helpful if you could find someone. Or, if you know any people who work in the Alcoholism/Addictions field, you might be able to talk to them about what you're experiencing and see if they know of anyone who might be able to guide you a bit in better coming to know and to understand yourself.

Oh, yeah, it's a journey alright!

....and thanks for being brave enough to bring this up here...that took some guts!

freya

[cloud8]

thanks everyone for the kind words, of course im gay, and thank god im sober and have the chance to accept it as well, funny how at 45 i feel young again like im starting all over, guess i was out there longer then i thought,lol its good to be back..if you know what i mean..20 months sober and working on step 4 oh boy more discovery,,cant wait...lol
but as they say the show must go on..one day at a time.. oh and now that she knows we have a better freind ship then ever,, what a big suprise,,he he