gay alcoholic speaking at meeting this monday awww

[cloud8]

Hay guys and gals, Im speaking this week and have had some questions on how to deal with the gay issue myself, i mean it is about alcoholisim and i did drink over my sexuality alot self acceptence has been a big issue, i know only one gay man in recovery and all the rest r strait this is a small aa comunity in arkansas.and i dont want to freak them all out. but hay ive slipped over my sex issues for years, but do they realy need to know that... im not alcoholic because im gay i drank over it true used it as an excuse true and even now at 19mths sober i have trouble accepting myself for who i am. im 45 and still confused,, what alife. further work on the steps will hopefully help with that. and god has been good to me so i trust he will help me in all areas of my life..

but the question remains when i share in a general way what it used to be like there are men and compulsive sex issues all through my story how do i deal with that and still maintian some form of sanity i might get kicked out of aa ha ha. but lets face it when it comes right down to it all there kind words deep down im just that ****** that goes to mettings. like i said i have trouble with selfacceptence.im gonna do alot of praying and try to let god have this one . turn my thoughts and my actions over to him and do more inventory work,, any input would be nice

please dont be brutal im insecure enough ha ha

[freya]

Tell the truth. Don't go out of your way to hide your sexuality or the role it played in your drinking and don't go out of your way to make a bigger deal of it than it actually is/was.

Consider this: If you were at a meeting being chaired by a straight woman whose alcoholism had been partially fueled by her inability to relate sexually unless "under the inlfuence, what amount of info and detail would you, as a listener, be comfortable hearing about that? How would you imagine she might best tell her story appropriately without leaving out imporant information and without compromising her own truth and the honesty of her program?

Whatever you believe the "right" answers would be to those questions, there's no reason why those answers should be any different for you than for her.

Good luck! Chairing a meeting is great fun -- and important service!

freya

[cloud8]

You know i drank for every reason i could think of it wasnt till i relized i drank because i had to that things began to change. i drank becuase im alcoholic, and now i have a chance to recover aint life grand..

Thanks for the info, being a gay man has been a confusing road for me and the truth is i dont need there approval or there disapproval i just need my acceptance and gods,, one day ill have both because im sober,, ya

[freya]

Originally Posted by cloud8

the truth is i dont need there approval or there disapproval i just need my acceptance and gods,, one day ill have both because im sober,, ya

Yes, yes, yes!!!!!....If you can hold on tightly to this vital truth, you will never go wrong!

freya

[spiker]

Unless it is vital to your recovery, I do not think they need to know about your sex life. I am sure when some of them were drinking or drugging, they may have experimented with the same sex. I would hate to think that members of AA would be prejudice as they have their own issues. But unfortunately, I hear they can be.
I don't think I owe it to anyone to tell them who I date. Especially at work. People get nosy and want to know. But I say leave them wondering , LOL. I hate when co-workers say "we are family" here. It creeps me out. Sorry, but no, I am not your family. I work at the same company and please mind your own business.
This is just my opinion. I feel no need to go around blurting it out. And unless you need help and support dealing with being gay as well, I wouldn't tell them.
Some advocates will disagree with me. But everyone is entitled to their opinion.

[Stagebear]

It's always more awkward to try to disguise our sexuality in telling our stories. Using "them" and "they" instead of "he" and "she" to describe our partners. I stopped trying long ago. Let 'em deal with it.

I agree that it is sufficient to say something along the lines of: "Like many of you, my alcoholism took me to places where I did things socially and sexually that I might not have done otherwise, but that's best left for a different 12-step meeting" They'll get the idea.

[sct]

I've shared my story a few times, I usually do make note that part of the reason that I left home (not the reason I used, but left home) was because it was made very clear to me that it was unacceptable to be gay in my family's home. I have done a lot of ****- but to me a lot of that is just war storying. Feelings of being unwanted, rejected, judged, everyone can relate to, and to me that's much more important, and that's what I try to get across. I also make brief mention of my relationship, with my boyfriend because it's one of those suggestions I didn't take- I got into a relationship at 7 months clean, and while I don't necessarily recommend that for anyone else, it does work for us. Lots of work though. Other than that- I don't dwell on the sexuality thing, and it's never been a big deal in meetings. If people want to hate privately, then that's their business. So long as their homophobic behind closed doors and don't hurt anyone- they can do what they like

[freya]

Originally Posted by sct

If people want to hate privately, then that's their business. So long as they're homophobic behind closed doors and don't hurt anyone- they can do what they like

[ClayTheScribe]

Hey man,

I know I drank in small part because I was in the closet as a bisexual man. While I haven't needed to tell a support group about my sexuality yet, I came out this year and it always felt liberating to tell people, even strangers (if it came up, not just blabbing it to whoever). It sounds like your confusion with your sexuality has caused great pain and I can empathize, and it definitely contributed to your drinking. If that's the case then you'd be better off telling in a meeting. I doubt anyone is going to come after you as people, even in the South, have become more accepting. And part of recovery is being courageous. Another option is to find an AA meeting specifically for gay people, I know here in Denver there's quite a few. You may have to travel in Arkansas, but it's worth it if you feel that apprehensive. If your intuition says strongly it might bring you harm to tell your AA group, then go with that. But in that case, find a gay-friendly therapist who can help you with your sexuality issues. Or a sex therapist.

Good luck and take care,

Clay

[freya]

Hey, cloud8, how did it go??????

[cloud8]

all went great everyone thanks for your kind words,

funny thing happend i have one roomate that has been not working and staying home all day, doing nothing, he just got out of tretment and i guess decided to take a break from recovery, dangerous but i am powerless over people placese and things so i let it be and just prayed fro him, anyway he decided to take me to the metting i was speaking at, from that night on to now hes been to a meeting every day, dont know why but hay ill take whatever i can get, when god works through me all things are possible. aint life grand,,

good to be sober one day at a time...