Tonight is my "red flag" night - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

spiker · 06-19-2009, 03:00 PM

I have to say that I have the urge and I have it bad. I work Monday through Friday. And tonight would be the night to go to the (gay) pub and drink beer and sing some karaoke, or rather just watch other's sing.
Friday is my danger zone.
I can't go. I cant do it.
I almost started crying as I wrote this,
No, I cannot go and have a good time and not drink.
I just cant go at all.
How sad am I ?

spiker · 06-19-2009, 04:01 PM

I went back and read what I posted here, and how whiny I sound cause I can't drink. Makes me feel embarrassed.

carl11 · 06-19-2009, 04:05 PM

we've all been there......go visit a friend, go to a movie....choices.

freya · 06-19-2009, 04:12 PM

No reason to feel embarrassed about being honest...just remember, you might not be able to control your feelings or ideas but you can control whether or not you act on them!

Take care of you!

freya

***mattcake79*** · 06-19-2009, 04:58 PM

I honestly don't think you should feel embarassed. What you said -and the way you feel about the situation- is absolutely understandable, and it's healthy to acknowledge feelings. Maybe going to a pub isn't in your best interest right now so, like Carl said, what are your options?

And.. what about your mindset? If you focus on feeling deprived, you're bound to struggle. Why don't you focus on feeling excited/grateful/free instead? It's not necessarily easier said than done

Take care, keep reaching out

spiker · 06-19-2009, 09:29 PM

Thanks for all the understanding and kind words. I got off work at 6 p.m. and came home and laid down for a nap. I gotta tell you, the urge was overwhelming when I came in from work. Luckily, I fell asleep. It doesn't help that this is pride weekend and everyone will be milling around tonight.
I woke up around 9 pm after the nap (I know almost 3 hours is a long nap) and the urge is gone. Even though I am eating junk food, (a whole different kind of hang over tomorrow ha ha). Hey gotta have some fun. Right now I am talking on yahoo with my mom who lives in another state. And tomorrow I will actually be able to get up in the morning and have a productive day off from work.
Now, tomorrow night I will probably battle the demon again. But I'll just face it tomorrow.

spiker · 06-19-2009, 09:35 PM

Today, I reached out to someone I knew in my drinking days. He asked me why I decided to contact him after all this time. I explained that I had a lot of issues when I knew him, and was working through them. He understood and accepted my invite to hang out. He was one of the sober ones. So, this will be another person to do stuff with.

***indigo*** · 06-20-2009, 02:20 AM

You did well seeking out your sober friend & don't worry we have most of us been where you have be kind to yourself.

CatEyez28 · 06-20-2009, 07:08 PM

Hang in there Spiker. Summer and yes the weekends are hard for me at times like tonight. I keep reminding myself the outcome and how much shyt I put myself through. I come too far to turn back this time. One night is not worth everything I got back since I cleaned up. You're in my prayers and things will get better. ;-)

sct · 06-22-2009, 01:54 AM

Just remember... don't use today. Deal with tomorrow tomorrow, and focus on going to bed clean. Works for me

spiker · 06-22-2009, 12:45 PM

Thank you all for the support. I made it through the weekend sober. I think a bigger force was at work here. I made it friday night without drinking. Saturday morning my mother had to be taken to the hospital for a possible heart attack. If I had followed through on my urges the night before, I either would not have been available to answer the phone call, or would have been passed out, or too messed up to do anything about it.
Luckily, I was clear headed when the emergency took place and capable of being there at the hospital to give full support.

utopia · 06-23-2009, 05:02 AM

wow, congrats on doing what feels good to you.

bjork · 06-23-2009, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiker

If I had followed through on my urges the night before, I either would not have been available to answer the phone call, or would have been passed out, or too messed up to do anything about it.
Luckily, I was clear headed when the emergency took place and capable of being there at the hospital to give full support.

Congratulations on making it through the weekend sober!!!

It's always amazing how these things work out....the ability to be there for your mother was a major sign! I hope she's doing better.

06-19-2009, 03:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
spiker Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Orlando Posts: 34	Tonight is my "red flag" night I have to say that I have the urge and I have it bad. I work Monday through Friday. And tonight would be the night to go to the (gay) pub and drink beer and sing some karaoke, or rather just watch other's sing. Friday is my danger zone. I can't go. I cant do it. I almost started crying as I wrote this, No, I cannot go and have a good time and not drink. I just cant go at all. How sad am I ?

06-19-2009, 04:12 PM	#4 (permalink)
freya ...all this, and brains, too! Join Date: May 2004 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 1,143	No reason to feel embarrassed about being honest...just remember, you might not be able to control your feelings or ideas but you can control whether or not you act on them! Take care of you! freya __________________ I never did give anybody hell; I just told the truth and they thought it was hell. -- Harry S. Truman

06-20-2009, 02:20 AM	#8 (permalink)
*indigo* Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,919	You did well seeking out your sober friend & don't worry we have most of us been where you have be kind to yourself. __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

06-23-2009, 05:02 AM	#12 (permalink)
utopia Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Australia Posts: 598	wow, congrats on doing what feels good to you. __________________ Dear Life, Bring it on that I will fall in love with being alive every day, allowing and embracing joyfully within my core of cores, the best life ever, right here, right now. Amen.

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06-19-2009, 04:01 PM	#2 (permalink)
spiker Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Orlando Posts: 34	I went back and read what I posted here, and how whiny I sound cause I can't drink. Makes me feel embarrassed.

06-19-2009, 04:05 PM	#3 (permalink)
carl11 trying to get it.. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: California Posts: 286	we've all been there......go visit a friend, go to a movie....choices.

06-19-2009, 04:58 PM	#5 (permalink)
*mattcake79* orbital boy Batman the Mystery of Batwoman Champion! Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: where your head expl^odes Posts: 1,725 Blog Entries: 8	I honestly don't think you should feel embarassed. What you said -and the way you feel about the situation- is absolutely understandable, and it's healthy to acknowledge feelings. Maybe going to a pub isn't in your best interest right now so, like Carl said, what are your options? And.. what about your mindset? If you focus on feeling deprived, you're bound to struggle. Why don't you focus on feeling excited/grateful/free instead? It's not necessarily easier said than done Take care, keep reaching out

06-19-2009, 09:29 PM	#6 (permalink)
spiker Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Orlando Posts: 34	Thanks for all the understanding and kind words. I got off work at 6 p.m. and came home and laid down for a nap. I gotta tell you, the urge was overwhelming when I came in from work. Luckily, I fell asleep. It doesn't help that this is pride weekend and everyone will be milling around tonight. I woke up around 9 pm after the nap (I know almost 3 hours is a long nap) and the urge is gone. Even though I am eating junk food, (a whole different kind of hang over tomorrow ha ha). Hey gotta have some fun. Right now I am talking on yahoo with my mom who lives in another state. And tomorrow I will actually be able to get up in the morning and have a productive day off from work. Now, tomorrow night I will probably battle the demon again. But I'll just face it tomorrow.

06-19-2009, 09:35 PM	#7 (permalink)
spiker Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Orlando Posts: 34	Today, I reached out to someone I knew in my drinking days. He asked me why I decided to contact him after all this time. I explained that I had a lot of issues when I knew him, and was working through them. He understood and accepted my invite to hang out. He was one of the sober ones. So, this will be another person to do stuff with.

06-20-2009, 07:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
CatEyez28 Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 6	Hang in there Spiker. Summer and yes the weekends are hard for me at times like tonight. I keep reminding myself the outcome and how much shyt I put myself through. I come too far to turn back this time. One night is not worth everything I got back since I cleaned up. You're in my prayers and things will get better. ;-)

06-22-2009, 01:54 AM	#10 (permalink)
sct Guest Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 348	Just remember... don't use today. Deal with tomorrow tomorrow, and focus on going to bed clean. Works for me

06-22-2009, 12:45 PM	#11 (permalink)
spiker Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Orlando Posts: 34	Thank you all for the support. I made it through the weekend sober. I think a bigger force was at work here. I made it friday night without drinking. Saturday morning my mother had to be taken to the hospital for a possible heart attack. If I had followed through on my urges the night before, I either would not have been available to answer the phone call, or would have been passed out, or too messed up to do anything about it. Luckily, I was clear headed when the emergency took place and capable of being there at the hospital to give full support.

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