What would you have done with your life?

[spiker]

What would you have done with your life if you had not faced abuse or addiction?
I am asking this because I had always fancied myself a writer. I think I could have, and still can be a creative writer. It is my new outlet for all the pent up energy. I started a short story today.
I wrote a lot on my high school and college newspapers before the alcohol hit, and I lost myself. I always dreamed of resuming, but life happened. I always managed to keep writing in some form. Whether it be a blog or my endless Amazon.com reviews.
I am only 37 years old, so I think I can still pursue my dream.

I dropped out of college due to the partying in my early twenties. I was on my way to being a nurse. I am actually disappointed that I did not become a male nurse, but glad at the same time. I wouldn't be doing it now if I had continued with nursing classes. In the meantime I have become a computer repair technician, which is a living. Just a living.

I have read that a lot of drinkers resume where they left off in life, after they become sober. Does that mean I am really only about 20 years old mentally? If only I still had that 20 year old body LOL.

Does anyone have something similar to add?

[evmdimples]

Many many years ago, I was admitted to the Zoology program at San Diego State. I was so excited but... as the codep that I am I was eager to please my parents. I ended up moving back to Florida to be with them and attending a more traditional school program, business-oriented, which my father thought was far better than Zoology. I've never really been too happy working in the business world. I've made a living, but only that.

My passion has always been with animals and I've managed to somehow always incorporate them in my life, even to this day (see my Iguana post on Cafe Central, lol!) I've worked mostly with birds (my first passion): adopted, rescued, healed, bred them, invented a contraption to cure a birth defect (successfully!). I've recently wondered what would've happened if I'd followed my passion. Would I have become this highly codep person? Or would following my passion in the form of a career that was fulfilling have given me the satisfaction that's always been missing? Would that have prevented my falling deeper into my codependency? Obviously that wasn't my path. It took me all these years to finally start to break free from the family of origin codependencies, before I could move on in a more positive direction, one that works for me.

At this time in life, I am thinking of ways to incorporate working with animals. If I could find a way to earn an honest decent living doing it, even better!

As far as mental age, as I work my recovery, I'm finding that on many levels, I have the emotional/spiritual maturity of a child or rebellious teenager. Working my recovery is helping me grow those areas.

Thanks for the opportunity to share.

[indigo]

I really believe that whilst we have breath in our bodies we can star over & persue most things within our capabilities. Good luck with the choices you make.

[mattcake79]

Spiker, I've recently realised that I accomplished many things during my drunken years; I know it sounds unacceptable, but that's the truth:

- For better or for worse, I chose a career that has, so far, proven to be interesting; at this point, I CAN choose another direction at the drop of a hat.

- Gullible friends were at my side, and they were only "friends" because they put up with me.

- My intimate relationships were laced with spirits, SO, ... hardly intimate. This suited me fine back then.

- Throughout this horrible scenario I created, something within me never changed. That is what I'm holding on to, realising that it, too, changed.

- And on it goes.

What I'm saying is that my life didn't come to a screeching halt when I started drinking- whether I now wish to change this creation or not is a different matter altogether

[sct]

I'm very lucky to be young enough that I'm 'starting over' at the same point that many people my age are starting their lives. My experiences have been very different from most, but at this point I wouldn't change them, because everything I've been through has made me who I am.

[louis]

I agree with sct....

I have had lots of things happen to me and by me i wish hadn't... but i cannot change these... and they have played there part in shaping who i am today.... and sober that is not such a bad person (somedays... when my recovery heads on)....

As for things i wish i had done or acheived.... i totally believe... i am right where i am meant to be.... and tomorrow if that changes.... again i am where i am meant to be...

be well
louis

[Cleansing]

I don't really know, in my sophomore year in college, I was planning on getting a dual degree in psychology and Urban Studies. I've worked with kids plenty of times before (after school programs -- my own btw, day camps, play streets) and worked for a non-profit at one point (anti-gun violence), so I was hoping to do something for some kind of foundation which help kids in low income areas. If not, I would have just become a teacher in NYC and maybe work my way up to a high level position in The Board of Education.

I was always a great student in high school, did very well, I even made it to an IVY League school (the number four school in the US). I was set. Came from a poor family, but was living a rich kid's life. A lot of opportuntiies were awaiting.

Then the depression hit. And the depression is what ruined my career plans, my passion for life, and perseverance. The drugs just helped me cope with everything i had lost (my sister, my education opportunities, my livelihood), but eventually, the drugs became a problem, and it was all my life was about. So the drugs were good at the beginning, but became terrible. Went from a good kid to a theif, liar and selfish batsard. I stole pills and cash from my parents and grandparents. Even my best friends. I hate what i've become. It's so different from where i cam from. It's all so different.

So I don't know, the depression was pretty debilitating, but I bet if I never picked up the drugs/alcohol, I would have been able to bounce back earlier, get that Ivy league diploma, and reach for the sky. Now I just feel like there's not much hope for me. But I take it a day at a time, til i feel stable and comfortable with my sobriety.

[CatEyez28]

I dont allow myself to stop and think about the could of beens and would have beens. For me, its all about the now and moving forward. If I was given the chance to change one thing back there, I wouldn't. It made me who I am today and that is a strong person who has the whole future ahead of him.

I am 32 and just completed my 1st year of Social Work, most amazing feeling ever. Yes, I see myself writing a book one day, playing the violin and many other things. Age is nothing but a number, if you want to do it then go for it! I have faith in you. We are all strong amazing people who can conquer anything.

I created a list a few years ago when I got clean of things I always wanted to do with my life, small things and big things. Two years later I have a few things checked off so far and for me, thats an accomplishment. If I complete the whole list then hey good for me, if i dont get to finish before I leave this life then ill just have to do it in the next one. LOL.

[utopia]

wow, i dont think i could ever really know but this song is good summary by Alanis Morissette.......

I wouldn't have compromised as much.
So much of myself for fear of having you hating me.
I would've sung so loudly,
It would've cracked myself.

I became so self-conscious of anything exuberant.
I wouldn't have sold myself short.
I wouldn't have kept my eyes glued to the ground.

If I had've known my invisibility would not make a difference,
I would've run around screaming proudly at the top of my voice.
I wouldn't have said it was in fact luck,
I'm talking idealism here.

I would not have been so self-deprecating,
I wouldn't have cowered for fear of having my eyes scratched out!
I wouldn't have cut my comfort off.
I wouldn't have feigned needlessness.
I would not have discredited every one of their compliments.

It was your approval I wanted.
Your congratulations.

[jhay]

I would have gone to Parsons in NY as was my high school goal or continued on after community college to get my Bachelors in Physics. I'm looking into starting back up to work towards the latter this fall.

[bjork]

Maybe I would've written a few books by now? I have one completely outlined. Now, I just have to write the damn thing. Thank Goodness for the outline as I would've forgotten a lot of it had I not done that.

I think I would've had more long-term relationships.
Maybe I would've even settled down in one place.
I think I wouldn't have smoked cigarettes so much or so long.
Maybe I would've continued teaching aerobics and have a super "hot rockin' body" right now.
I think I may have kept in touch with more of my friends.
Maybe I would've made more meaningful frienships easily.

I'm 37....I'll get it done.