atalose

AS you are learning, no one can quit heroin in a matter of days/weeks all on their own because if that were possible they would not be an addict. He needs rehab lots of rehab, lots of aftercare – sober living, counseling, meetings, we are talking years of recovery, lifelong!!

I think his decision to leave is the kindest and caring thing he can do right now for you and the unborn baby.

I really do think you need a plan B, a place of your own, a life of your own without any attachments to him right now. Keep reminding yourself he is not YOUR solution to your fears, anxiety and stress – he is the cause of all of those things.

Right now you need to surround yourself with love with family and friends and lean on them to help you and the baby, not him, because he’s not capable , not now and possible not ever.

Missmac35

So a little update. He is STILL abusing Xanax, pregabbalin and drinking now too. He's been wasted everyday except maybe 2 or 3 since I made this post. The house me and my kids live in is in his name and he has been round all the time begging forgiveness saying he will be clean and change his ways etc. Of course he has not. It's very hurtful as I only have a couple of weeks left to give birth. I considered going to a women's aid refuge just t get away from him but have decided that I will legally enforce rights to this property for myself and get him to stay away. I'm overcome with anger and near hatred now for what he has done. I went down to speak to his mum and she took my breath away by screaming in face that it was my fault, I treat him like **** and I know what he was like so why am I moaning now? She said me and my kids should leave to go women's aid so her son isn't homeless. Actually screaming at me I was so shocked at how she could defend his revolting behaviour. She has been giving him money to "live on" aka buy drugs. It's sick.
However I have found my strength and I want this addict out of my life for evermore. All the love has gone and has been replaced with contempt and disgust

hopeful4

The only thing is that going this legal route will take some amount of time. I am hoping you go to a domestic shelter and speak to an advocate who can help you. Many times they also have access to attorneys who can help.

Blood is ALWAYS thicker than water. I cannot even count the times I have heard on this forum, and this applies in my own life as well, the family who you think loves you and loves your children turn on you in support of the addict. It happens. Just accept it and move forward.

Huge hugs. Take good care of you. Do you have someone to help w/your other children when you give birth? Now is a good time to plan for that as he will be useless.

Missmac35

I've been in touch with a refuge and spoke to a social worker and I just justify uprooting my son and miving him school etc to live in a refuge to have to move again. I also do not want to bring my baby back to a refuge and recover from major surgery there on my own with all my belongings in storage etc for god knows how long. I'm so so so so angry. Why should we have to turn our lives upside down because he has chosen to **** everything up by getting high all the time again. I know the law takes its time but what alternative is there to protect my mental health.
He came here earlier and was straight for the first time in weeks. Saying all the usual as they do about getting clean being a dad all the rest. I've just come to bed because I cannot hear it anymore. In so filled with anger and disgust at him and his family I don't want him anymore. Any dreams of this working out have been shattered and I'm prepared to do it alone. I don't believe for 1 second he will be clean but god they know how to suck you into their fantasy and have you almost believing don't they? I've been here too many times. If I had a permenant house to go to id leave and never ever come back. I just wish he would leave me alone. It's like he's teasing me with a happy ever after and I resent him so much as I know of course he will mess up again.

OpheliaKatz

Oh no. I know what this is like. My AH was my entire personal life for the past 10 years. It's not easy being alone.

OpheliaKatz

I want to share what a counselor said to me when I was in relationships counseling with my AH: if you have a child with this man, you will be a single parent whether he is there or not.

This was back when I was still with my AH. I'm still not divorced yet. Part of me still thinks that maybe the relationship is worth saving, but the longer I spend on the forums, the more I realize that holding on to hope is extremely risky.

I think that you need to protect your offspring no matter what the cost. Your AH needs to figure out how to look after himself. The most you can do is give him the information he needs to go into recovery, and then he needs to make the effort to make the phone call, go to a doctor, whatever. Give him the tools he needs to stop, then walk away and let him figure it out. If I were about to give birth, I would try to see if any of my friends and family could take me in until I can afford my own place. Early childhood is very important and a child should not be around an alcoholic parent. I don't know if leaving is even possible in your situation. You are in such a difficult place. I'm sorry.

OpheliaKatz

It sounds like his family is enabling him.

You know what? Hold on to that anger. It's protecting you.

Missmac35

Your so so so right it is!!! I could never ever forgive his mother for the things she said and the way she's treated me while I've been heavily pregnant so any chance of a relationship working even if he was clean would be out the picture because he is a total mummy's boy. I just want my life back away from smack,crack and pills and total disfunction.
I feel almost cruel not allowing the chance again when he's begging for once last go. That he will be there for me that he knows he's gone too far this time. I find it difficult to let go of the idea that he can be there for me to see our son born and support me. I want to believe so much but deep down I know it's pointless.
You are right I need to hold on to my anger and push through my feelings and get off the roller coaster once and for all

Missmac35

So I thought I would post an update. After I last posted my oh decided he was done wth Xanax and heroin and was sticking to his prescription methadone and has done for the past few weeks. I went into hospital and had my child and he came with me. He has been doing great but today I noticed he was acting strange and over the top when a relative was here and I asked if he had taken anything which he denied but still carried on acting strange. I went to check my painkillers I got and I'm 99% positive that a strip of my dhydrocodiene are missing.
I have not really been taking them as I don't like them maybe 2 a day but there are too many missing for that. I wonder if that is the reason he was acting up or whether he's been taking something else.
I'm so gutted I don't know what to think. He is so in love with baby and wit put him down and I have had to speak to social work and assure them he will be supervised around him and all the rest and I find it so stressful dealing with them as I feel like I am being the one who's getting judged etc. To take drugs again after all that's happened? His eyes weren't pinned but his behaviour was off. I told him to get lost and he's not been back

Missmac35

Actually ignore that last post . He came back and was wearing a jumper too small for him and his clothes all a mess, he looked wasted and said he was bursting for the toilet. I opened the toilet door and found him with a needle. There are no words to explain the rage disgust hurt and sadness all at once. I'm sitting holding our beautiful much loved baby boy and he went back to do this. Done isn't the word. I will never look back from this there is no more. Choice was made and that's that my son deserves a dad who loves him and wants him more than drugs

JJ408

My goodness...I am going through the same thing with AH. I feel your pain.

Keep your head up and stay strong

Ann

I am sorry for your pain and hope you find a safe life for you and your children. What you just saw may be a "strangely wrapped gift", the gift of clarity. You saw what addiction looks like and know in your heart it isn't going to get better any time soon.

My prayers are with you and your children, God bless.

Missmac35

Thank you. I know you are right. I know I have been shown the truth and he is really sick with his addiction and no amount of me within and wanting is going to make that change. I know I have to let him go and not allow him back no matter how painful that is.

Missmac35

Just another update. Sorry, it doesn't matter if this doesn't get read or replied to it just helps so much to get it off my chest. My baby is now 13 days old. I'm sitting crying my eyes out for the past 2 days as the realisation that I am truely alone in this is sinking in. I saw my addict partner the day before when he drove past me and stopped the car. He had nothing to say other than he was sorry he wasn't going to do it anymore and the usual ******** they come out with. But .. He had no money and he was actually driving to a junkys house.
I'm not even angry now I'm just broken and so so so hurt. All the masks have fallen off and all the good times I clung to in the hope they were real and could be again have gone away. They are memories now and that's all they will be. They probably didn't even mean to him what they meant to me as he would only have been thinking about getting his fix. Like our whole life has been a big fat lie. I've been the one in love and he's been pretending, numb feeling nothing but the craving and the high of smack and crack.
Why did he want this baby? He wanted him so badly he said. He begged me to keep him promised me he would be here. Why after a few days has he done this to us? They say the addict isn't able to get clean until they truely desire sobriety. I'm which case I'm finding it so so hard to not take it personally as why are we not enough to be the catalyst for the desire to be clean? I'm so stupid. So so so stupid and dumb to bring a child into this world with an addict father and it is so unfair on him to be disadvantaged so soon in his life. I'm usually such a strong person but I'm findin it really hard to find the strength tonight

Ariesagain

Sending you a big hug.

There aren't any good answers right now, for sure. You may want to talk to a lawyer at some point as to how to protect your child's best interests and your own, but for now, just try to breathe, hold your little one close, and be gentle with yourself, yes?

hopeful4

Sending huge hugs. Here is the thing. I PROMISE, that being a single mom to your sweet baby is better than having him the house. He would be nothing but a liability and another child for you. You would never be able to trust him, ever.

Reach out to your friends and family for support. Tight hugs!