New Here - Train Wreck - Please Help
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 
You are absolutely right to focus on yourself and get your mind right over this. That may take a counselor who can help you, and a group would help as well. However, in the mean time, you need to be prepared for when they come knocking, and they will.
It is hard to hear. We all have had deep love for our qualifiers. No one here says any of this lightly because we all know, IT HURTS. There is no magic cure, but just like for any addict, you are admitting your problem, and that's first.
Keep posting, there is lots of support here at SR.
It is hard to hear. We all have had deep love for our qualifiers. No one here says any of this lightly because we all know, IT HURTS. There is no magic cure, but just like for any addict, you are admitting your problem, and that's first.
Keep posting, there is lots of support here at SR.
Yes. I know I have a lot of work to do to fix me. & get to a much better mental state. It took me years to get the place I am at now. I'm sure it will take. Much time to get past it
Her & I have stopped talking several times in the past. I think AlwAys initiated by me. She has never let me go for very long. For whatever reason. I honestly. Don't know what it is. She has left me alone. It seems very strange to me. We shall. See what happens. I'm fearful of bad news
Yes I have. & probably always will have deep love for my qualifier. I do know. Without any doubt. That she shared. A side of herself to me. Which was real. &. beyond addiction.
There was a time. When her & I had a big discussion about problems. She was showing aggressive denial. I told her while looking in her eyes calmly. that I know somewhere. Deep within yourself. You know. I'm right. There is a real person. A wonderful. Person in there. Somewhere. I know it. She had no response.
Yes. It's all. Very painful. With no majic. Cure
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Girl and the Snake
A young girl walking along a mountain path to her grandmother's house heard a rustle at her feet. Looking down, she saw a snake, but before she could react, the snake spoke to her.
"I am about to die," he said. "It's too cold for me up here, and I am freezing. There is no food in these mountains, and I am starving. Please put me under your coat and take me with you."
"No," the girl replied. "I know your kind. You are a rattlesnake. And if I pick you up, you will bite me and your bite is poisonous."
"No, no," the snake said. "If you help me, you will be my best friend. I will treat you differently."
The young girl sat down on a rock for a moment to rest and think things over. She looked at the beautiful markings on the snake and she had to admit he was the most beautiful snake she had ever seen.
Suddenly, she said, "I believe you. I will save you. All living things deserve to be treated with kindness."
She then reached over, put the snake gently under her coat and continued toward her grandmother's house.
Within a moment, she felt a sharp pain in her side. The snake had bitten her!
"How could you do this to me?" she cried. "You promised that you would not bite me, and I trusted you!"
"You knew what I was when you picked me up," he hissed as he slithered away.
FYI still quiet crickets
A young girl walking along a mountain path to her grandmother's house heard a rustle at her feet. Looking down, she saw a snake, but before she could react, the snake spoke to her.
"I am about to die," he said. "It's too cold for me up here, and I am freezing. There is no food in these mountains, and I am starving. Please put me under your coat and take me with you."
"No," the girl replied. "I know your kind. You are a rattlesnake. And if I pick you up, you will bite me and your bite is poisonous."
"No, no," the snake said. "If you help me, you will be my best friend. I will treat you differently."
The young girl sat down on a rock for a moment to rest and think things over. She looked at the beautiful markings on the snake and she had to admit he was the most beautiful snake she had ever seen.
Suddenly, she said, "I believe you. I will save you. All living things deserve to be treated with kindness."
She then reached over, put the snake gently under her coat and continued toward her grandmother's house.
Within a moment, she felt a sharp pain in her side. The snake had bitten her!
"How could you do this to me?" she cried. "You promised that you would not bite me, and I trusted you!"
"You knew what I was when you picked me up," he hissed as he slithered away.
FYI still quiet crickets
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heres another one, HL, and pretty good to read you dont seem to be looking for just the right help:
The Drowning Man
A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.
Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."
The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."
So the rowboat went on.
Then a motorboat came by. "The fellow in the motorboat shouted, "Jump in, I can save you."
To this the stranded man said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the motorboat went on.
Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety."
To this the stranded man again replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.
Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, you let me drown. I don't understand why!"
To this God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"
The Drowning Man
A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.
Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."
The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."
So the rowboat went on.
Then a motorboat came by. "The fellow in the motorboat shouted, "Jump in, I can save you."
To this the stranded man said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the motorboat went on.
Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety."
To this the stranded man again replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.
Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, you let me drown. I don't understand why!"
To this God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"
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I like the tale of the two wolves which I personally relate to my own healthy thinking vs my codependent thinking.
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
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Originally Posted by HardLessons
Girl and the Snake
A young girl walking along a mountain path to her grandmother's house heard a rustle at her feet. Looking down, she saw a snake, but before she could react, the snake spoke to her.
"I am about to die," he said. "It's too cold for me up here, and I am freezing. There is no food in these mountains, and I am starving. Please put me under your coat and take me with you."
"No," the girl replied. "I know your kind. You are a rattlesnake. And if I pick you up, you will bite me and your bite is poisonous."
"No, no," the snake said. "If you help me, you will be my best friend. I will treat you differently."
The young girl sat down on a rock for a moment to rest and think things over. She looked at the beautiful markings on the snake and she had to admit he was the most beautiful snake she had ever seen.
Suddenly, she said, "I believe you. I will save you. All living things deserve to be treated with kindness."
She then reached over, put the snake gently under her coat and continued toward her grandmother's house.
Within a moment, she felt a sharp pain in her side. The snake had bitten her!
"How could you do this to me?" she cried. "You promised that you would not bite me, and I trusted you!"
"You knew what I was when you picked me up," he hissed as he slithered away.
FYI still quiet crickets
A young girl walking along a mountain path to her grandmother's house heard a rustle at her feet. Looking down, she saw a snake, but before she could react, the snake spoke to her.
"I am about to die," he said. "It's too cold for me up here, and I am freezing. There is no food in these mountains, and I am starving. Please put me under your coat and take me with you."
"No," the girl replied. "I know your kind. You are a rattlesnake. And if I pick you up, you will bite me and your bite is poisonous."
"No, no," the snake said. "If you help me, you will be my best friend. I will treat you differently."
The young girl sat down on a rock for a moment to rest and think things over. She looked at the beautiful markings on the snake and she had to admit he was the most beautiful snake she had ever seen.
Suddenly, she said, "I believe you. I will save you. All living things deserve to be treated with kindness."
She then reached over, put the snake gently under her coat and continued toward her grandmother's house.
Within a moment, she felt a sharp pain in her side. The snake had bitten her!
"How could you do this to me?" she cried. "You promised that you would not bite me, and I trusted you!"
"You knew what I was when you picked me up," he hissed as he slithered away.
FYI still quiet crickets
As: She is the girl and the snake is drugs?
OR
As: You are the girl and she is the snake?
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My take on this story is as follows
When I first met the snake. I did not realize it was a snake at all. I did not know it was a dangerous poisonous snake that could bite me
I picked up the snake not knowing what it was. I did get bit. I put it down & picked it back up & was bitten more. After about fifty times of getting bit. I began to recognize something was wrong
I began trying to find out what this creature was. After time. I learned that it was a dangerous poisonous snake with a bite. Stupid me I continued even after clearly knowing what it was. To pick it up
As more time went on. The bites became more painful. I also got sick from the poison. Each bite got worse. By now I was bitten 100 times from head to toe
About 4 weeks ago. I received the last bite. It hurt very badly & I got very sick. I'm hoping I put the snake down for the last time
I am the girl in the story. The dangerous poisonous. Biting snake is my A woman. She is what she is. She has a wicked bad bite
When I first met the snake. I did not realize it was a snake at all. I did not know it was a dangerous poisonous snake that could bite me
I picked up the snake not knowing what it was. I did get bit. I put it down & picked it back up & was bitten more. After about fifty times of getting bit. I began to recognize something was wrong
I began trying to find out what this creature was. After time. I learned that it was a dangerous poisonous snake with a bite. Stupid me I continued even after clearly knowing what it was. To pick it up
As more time went on. The bites became more painful. I also got sick from the poison. Each bite got worse. By now I was bitten 100 times from head to toe
About 4 weeks ago. I received the last bite. It hurt very badly & I got very sick. I'm hoping I put the snake down for the last time
I am the girl in the story. The dangerous poisonous. Biting snake is my A woman. She is what she is. She has a wicked bad bite
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
heres another one, HL, and pretty good to read you dont seem to be looking for just the right help:
The Drowning Man
A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.
Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."
The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."
So the rowboat went on.
Then a motorboat came by. "The fellow in the motorboat shouted, "Jump in, I can save you."
To this the stranded man said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the motorboat went on.
Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety."
To this the stranded man again replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.
Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, you let me drown. I don't understand why!"
To this God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"
The Drowning Man
A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.
Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."
The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."
So the rowboat went on.
Then a motorboat came by. "The fellow in the motorboat shouted, "Jump in, I can save you."
To this the stranded man said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the motorboat went on.
Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety."
To this the stranded man again replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.
Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, you let me drown. I don't understand why!"
To this God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"
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Originally Posted by SmallButMighty
So how are you looking at this story?
As: She is the girl and the snake is drugs?
OR
As: You are the girl and she is the snake?
As: She is the girl and the snake is drugs?
OR
As: You are the girl and she is the snake?
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by HardLessons
One thing I'd like to make clear. What I did for these people. Was. Not. &. Never was about trying to create. A diamond. A polished GEM. It was never that. Not even close. It was never even a hope
Initially. It was about the. Basic things in life. Things which I took for granted. On a daily basis. Food. Heat. Hot. Water. Etc
I did progress. Past the basics. But at no time. Was there any thought. Of fairy tail endings. Or. Polished. Gems.
I was hoping for stability. In life. For them. What. I didn't understand. What I didn't factor into my thinking & actions. Was the ugly disease of addiction.
Initially. It was about the. Basic things in life. Things which I took for granted. On a daily basis. Food. Heat. Hot. Water. Etc
I did progress. Past the basics. But at no time. Was there any thought. Of fairy tail endings. Or. Polished. Gems.
I was hoping for stability. In life. For them. What. I didn't understand. What I didn't factor into my thinking & actions. Was the ugly disease of addiction.
well, look at the progress in 1 day- you went from all of this to admitting
"Yes I have. & probably always will have deep love for my qualifier."
there were underlying motives more than ya said yesterday.
good on ya for admitting that!
it was exactly what i was doing yet rationalizing,"no, im just trying to help someone that needs help."
when in reality i fell in love with a future dream.
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Originally Posted by HardLessons
FYI still strangely quiet
It remains very difficult with lots of emotions I am getting by though
Having lots of very strange vivid dreams & restless nights
It remains very difficult with lots of emotions I am getting by though
Having lots of very strange vivid dreams & restless nights
It's normal, we've all been there. I know how anxiety inducing it is, and how disconnected you feel. It's part of the healing process my friend.
Stay strong. *hugs*
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Originally Posted by SmallButMighty
Because you are a codependent "junkie"...you're jonsin' for your "fix"... You are coming down off all that crap she's been feeding you...and it feels all wrong and unfamiliar
It's normal, we've all been there. I know how anxiety inducing it is, and how disconnected you feel. It's part of the healing process my friend.
Stay strong. *hugs*
It's normal, we've all been there. I know how anxiety inducing it is, and how disconnected you feel. It's part of the healing process my friend.
Stay strong. *hugs*
Yes where I am now feels totally all wrong and totally unfamiliar territory. It just amazes me how off I feel. I feel very disconnected.
I was thinking yesterday, what if I met a "normal" woman & we went out on a date. She asks me so tell me about your life over the past couple years. What have you been up too? OMG!
Things are still strangely quiet. I have not made contact. After today starts week 4. Each day is very difficult. There were always certain times of the day every day when I would talk to my A. those particular times are just filled with emotions & anxiety.
It hit me yesterday that I run to these forums whenever I start to feel shaky (which anymore is quite often) I'm starting to think that by reading here & posting (interacting with others) concerning this topic of addiction - it somehow reconnects me in a healthier way to my addicted loved one. Not sure I'm making sense here. I'm replacing her with these forum & all of you?
I am so thankful to have support from all of you. It has helped me tremendously.
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She's maybe in jail or hospital and will call you when she can. You need to be prepared for that call. When she calls and says she's clean and just needs a few bucks to get a lawyer so she can regain custody of her precious daughter. Are you going to be able to resist that?
You need a program and or therapy or old habits repeat. I've been on both sides of this and without intense therapy I kept doing what came natural. It fed my addiction to give to my addict. Every time I told myself it was about the kid. It wasn't it was about me. Until I figured that out it was same old same old. The chaos was familiar from my childhood.
Good luck to you my friend. It's a journey and your first steps are here on SR
You need a program and or therapy or old habits repeat. I've been on both sides of this and without intense therapy I kept doing what came natural. It fed my addiction to give to my addict. Every time I told myself it was about the kid. It wasn't it was about me. Until I figured that out it was same old same old. The chaos was familiar from my childhood.
Good luck to you my friend. It's a journey and your first steps are here on SR
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Originally Posted by tbeit
She's maybe in jail or hospital and will call you when she can. You need to be prepared for that call. When she calls and says she's clean and just needs a few bucks to get a lawyer so she can regain custody of her precious daughter. Are you going to be able to resist that?
You need a program and or therapy or old habits repeat. I've been on both sides of this and without intense therapy I kept doing what came natural. It fed my addiction to give to my addict. Every time I told myself it was about the kid. It wasn't it was about me. Until I figured that out it was same old same old. The chaos was familiar from my childhood.
Good luck to you my friend. It's a journey and your first steps are here on SR
You need a program and or therapy or old habits repeat. I've been on both sides of this and without intense therapy I kept doing what came natural. It fed my addiction to give to my addict. Every time I told myself it was about the kid. It wasn't it was about me. Until I figured that out it was same old same old. The chaos was familiar from my childhood.
Good luck to you my friend. It's a journey and your first steps are here on SR
Thank you for your words & taking time to respond
I still haven't heard from her which is crazy strange at this point
Yes she could be in the hospital or jail. Her daughter & BF have my cell number. I think if something happened to her like that I think they would call or text. But who knows really
Since I've known her She never told me she currently has a problem whith addiction she more used the fact that she is on methadone to mean that she is in recovery. She told me about her severe long term IV heroine use she said back then she was an addict. If recovery looks like recovery & addiction looks like addiction. Then she is clearly an active addict
I did track down a therapist. I called for an appointment however she is on vacation for two weeks. I wasnd able to set an appointment until the 4 th week in July. I know based on how I feel. I need professional help
Up until the past couple weeks I haven't been able to resist anything with her. All she has ever had to do is cry & I was done.
It's hard for me. I have no family
Maybe god has taken pity on me & knowing how badly I am feeling he has kept her from contacting me
It's all such a mess. Painful mess
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Programs are all over NJ and meet right thru the holiday. You can go and just sit in the back. You dont even have to say anything. It will help with the urge you have to contact her. I know you have an urge to contact her and its always on your mind because I have the same obsession. Different person different issue same obsession. Have a good weekend and do something for yourself. It helps me to do something nice for myself
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Originally Posted by tbeit
Programs are all over NJ and meet right thru the holiday. You can go and just sit in the back. You dont even have to say anything. It will help with the urge you have to contact her. I know you have an urge to contact her and its always on your mind because I have the same obsession. Different person different issue same obsession. Have a good weekend and do something for yourself. It helps me to do something nice for myself
My problems are more along the lines of waiting for my phone to blow up & how to handle that if & when it happens.
Also my mind is still racing all around with feelings of deep love & drama after 3 years of being in crisis mode. I am very detached like a fish out of water. I am also very concerned as to why I haven't heard from her & what may have happened. I know none of this thinking is normal or healthy.
I am unable to focus on the upcoming holiday weekend, I just cant think that far out. I can only focus on today. I just want to get through today.
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Focusing on the moment is/was one of the hardest things I had to grasp for my own wellbeing. We want to KNOW what is going to happen, and when we don't, it's scary and makes us feel out of control.
I can only say that doing more work on yourself will take the focus away from those feelings until you grow more accustomed to them. Go to a meeting. Work out. Have dinner with a friend. Go to a movie. Change your focus.
I can only say that doing more work on yourself will take the focus away from those feelings until you grow more accustomed to them. Go to a meeting. Work out. Have dinner with a friend. Go to a movie. Change your focus.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
Focusing on the moment is/was one of the hardest things I had to grasp for my own wellbeing. We want to KNOW what is going to happen, and when we don't, it's scary and makes us feel out of control.
I can only say that doing more work on yourself will take the focus away from those feelings until you grow more accustomed to them. Go to a meeting. Work out. Have dinner with a friend. Go to a movie. Change your focus.
I can only say that doing more work on yourself will take the focus away from those feelings until you grow more accustomed to them. Go to a meeting. Work out. Have dinner with a friend. Go to a movie. Change your focus.
Thank you for your response.
I am trying my best It's extremely difficult for me. In plain words it just sucks. All of it.
It started out innocently with what I thought were good intentions. It ended up sick & tragic. My own fault
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The road to hell is paved with good intentions...not always, but enough that it's an adage, yes?
I posted this on another thread...it may help you understand how an otherwise sensible intelligent person like yourself has ended up where you are?
The Most Powerful Motivator on the Planet ~ Intermittent Reinforcement | Psychopaths and Love
I posted this on another thread...it may help you understand how an otherwise sensible intelligent person like yourself has ended up where you are?
The Most Powerful Motivator on the Planet ~ Intermittent Reinforcement | Psychopaths and Love
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000, thanks for that Aries!!! I just followed the link to How Do You Know if You are being Manipulated.....it has bullet points (swoon!) and i think it will make a great stand alone thread, if'n ya don't mind....?
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