tomsteve

yup, and ya know the start of the solutions. block the phone number, erase it from your phone, no contact. that can be hard, but just remember ya dont have to let your thoughts control your actions when the thought of contacting her comes up. when the thought comse up, put your phone where ya cant reach it and crank this out and remember why you wont contact or allow her to contact:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LQftYK2n8o

tomsteve

God already gave you stength. he gave you the strength to post here.
God guided you here and gave you a community of people that have been in your shoes.

no contact doesnt get texts
no contact cant get texts when a number is blocked

so, start practicng NO with NO contact.
NO phone numbers from her allowed in your phone.
NO emails from her.
NO!

tomsteve

there was no normal at ANYTIME over the last 3 years.PERIOD.
your live in girlfriend left because if it
THAT is the actions of someone normal.

ok, im puttin away my crowbar
for now.

tomsteve

idk how long this woman had been goin to the church for help, but i know the church im a member of doesnt pawn someone that needs or wants help off on a member of the congregation( theres something in the bible about the elders have a duty to protect the flock) or an outsider.
they are directed to the proper organization that can help.

PuzzledHeart

I agree with tomsteve. Something's fishy with the church arrangement. When I volunteered with a mentoring program, they were very careful to put boundaries in place to prevent the family of the child from fleecing the volunteer. The first meeting with the child was conducted by the child's caseworker. But BEFORE that first meeting, volunteers had to undergo training where boundaries, amongst other things, were discussed ad nauseum.

So either you ended up in a situation where a volunteer program was being run by folks who had no idea what the hell they were doing, or you got suckered into an arrangement that was done without church sanction. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if your business acquaintance was her previous mark, and he was just passing the buck. Maybe he didn't take it quite as far as you did, but once he felt the heat he thought this was the best way to take care of things.

hopeful4

What you should do is call CPS b/c the child is obviously in a horrible situation. Then you should let go, move forward in your own life, and never give her a dime again b/c it will go to drugs. Steel yourself b/c she will come crying back.

AnvilheadII

yeah, spidey sense went ZING when you reported how you two were "introduced". i held off replying as i felt i was being a bit opinionated and overbearing. (what, who, ME????).

i really really hope you make the decision to be done. go fully no contact. take every precaution to assure she cannot contact you. if you are that concerned about the minor child's welfare, get the appropriate agencies involved. and then let it go. let this be a big painful lesson for you. but leave her be, walk away, shut the door, be DONE.

HardLessons

The woman. Didn't go to this church at all. I didn't say that. I don't go to this church. Don't even know the name of the church

The guy I knew as a business acquaintance. Knew him for years. Was aware. From what he told me. & I had no reason to doubt him. Was through his church. He was aware. The daughter had needs.

He asked if I would be willing to help. I said. Yes. I had no reason not to trust him. I knew him for years. I was looking at helping a family in need. It wasn't a big deal to me at the time

A few days later. He provided me the woman's contact info. He said call her & talk. She is aware. You will contact her. I said ok. It wasn't a big deal at the time.

I had zero concern over the cost. Of what I May have to do. It wasn't. About. Money. For. Me. It was about helping. All that I did over the years. Was. Never. Ever. About money. For. Me.

My business friend. Was not aware of. The whole situation. He still isn't

SmallButMighty

HardLessons,

I am curious about the user name you chose to use here at SoberRecovery.

Why did you choose such a handle?

I am sorry you are feeling the distress the addicted bring into our lives. It is never easy to deal with. It's good to see you have been receptive to what the others have been saying. It took me a while to realize my enabling and codependence really wasn't any different than anyone else's. My situation wasn't all that unique or special or beyond reproach. It's a bitter pill to swallow at first. Good for you finding ways to educate yourself about this kind of chaos.

HardLessons

Also. This. Situation. All developed over. Time. It. Wasn't a train wreck on day. One

When I met the woman. For The first time. She wasn't wearing a sign. Saying. Proceed with caution I am an addict. She didn't. Hand me a card saying. Caution. You may become codependent.

In the beginning. I didn't even know what codependency was. No clue. I had a very limited Understanding of addiction. I didn't know then. Anything close. To what I know now. I didn't know the signs of heroine. Abuse. I. Unforuately. Know them all. Much too well. Now

I had no contact. With Nor did I meet the daughter. Until. Months later. I thought I was clear on that

hopeful4

You are clear. Thing is, we all look back and wonder what the heck happened. How did we not know. However, now you do know. It hurts, and only time will heal that hurt. However, there is an innocent child involved, so I hope you reach out to CPS and report the unsafe situation she is in. No one blames you for helping. Many, many here have been in similar situations.

Now, you have educated yourself and can only go forward. Seek out a support group, that sounds like it could help you as well. Face to face support is really important. You are a nice person who was trying to do the right thing.

HardLessons

SBM

I knew I had a problem & was in over my head. Pretty long ago. I started. Reading. Addiction. Is a big field. I knew nothing. I had a lot of ground to cover. I've been reading for about a year.

By the time I started reading. I was already. Heavily. Addicted to the addict. I was in deep. The learning process. Is scary. &. Challenging. I was. In denial. Too. Telling myself. 100. Times. Oh. It's not that bad

I have been reading SR forums for many months. I have read extensively. On here. I have been thinking of posting on here. For a couple. Months. Couple days ago. Based on recent developments. With. My addicts. I was feeling a lot of distress. &. Got the courage. To register. &. Post

When I. Went to register. I thought. Long &. Hard. On a user name. I. Am. Learning. Very. Hard lessons. Concerning addiction. Honestly. I did not ever want to learn. These lessons. I did not want. To end up. Here. On SR.

Hard lessons. Came to mind. I made it my screen name. I have learned. Am. Still. Learning. The very hard lessons of addiction

HardLessons

One. Of the hardest. Lessons. I. Have. Learned. Is. I thought. I was helping. A family. Doing it with respect. But in the end. I was hurting more than helping

That's a hard lesson And. Extremely. Bitter. Pill. To swallow.

Ariesagain

Your initial intentions were noble. Then it came something else...about your needs as well as hers. Mutual parasitism of a sort.

Those needs of yours are what a therapist can help you understand and address.

P.S. What's with all.the.periods?

HardLessons

You can read my story. And think OMG. This makes no sense. It's just stupid. Really stupid

You can think what you want. But. In reality. It. Is what it is. It is exactly what it is

Yes. This is all dumber. Than dumb. It's a crazy f ed. Up mess

I recognize it's a mess. I recognize I'm a mess. I'm trying my best. To. Sort myself. Out. That's why I am here

HardLessons

Thank you. For your comments. They are meaningful. Yes I recognize. Now. I have issues which need to be addressed

Sorry on the periods. IPhone. Does it automatically. Not doing it on purpose to annoy you

SmallButMighty

I've been thinking he is double spacing while typing on his phone...

SmallButMighty

Sorry HardLessons, posted same time as you did there!

Also, keep posting.

SoberRecovery was integral to my recovery from my codependence to an alcoholic spouse as well as several other relationships within my family.

And the book called, "Codependenet No More" , by Melody Beattie was a MAJOR life changer for me.

Ariesagain

Hey, not annoyed. You'd have to get at the end of a looong line for that!

We all understand. Nobody ever gets up in morning and thinks to themselves, "I think I'll go find me an addict/alcoholic and mess up myself a hundred new ways!"

It's insidious. It's addiction, just in a different way. It's one of the reasons we're easily hooked in...we have sooo much in common with them. A non-codie long about the third time wakes up, sends the exploiter to the curb and tells them to latch on to someone else.

Having any luck finding a therapist?

HardLessons

Thank you. I will. Look into your book suggestion

It has not been easy for me. To. Read all. The responses to my post. It is upsetting. To. Read the reaction of people with experience.

I was unable. To see the Forrest from the trees. All. I saw were individual trees

One of the very best things I read. In all my reading. Was the very short story. Of the snake & the girl.

Google snake & girl. Story. Really hit home for me