New Here - Train Wreck - Please Help
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
HL, seriously, make yourself some YOUTIME. if ya dont still have fishin supplies, get yer arse to bass proshops or whatever ya have near ya and set yourself upt o get out and throw a line in the water this weekend.
even if that line is just going into a 5 gallon bucket in your backyard with a goldfish in it.
not sayin to stop working on yourself, but take a break and YOU for a day. did i read something about motorcycles? if ya have one, go on a roadtrip this weekend.
prolly be better iffen its not just around the yard,though.
neighbors might think your weird.
if ya dont, get in your car and take a roadtrip.
DEFINATLY not around the yard,tho.
cops might think something more than weird.LOLOLOLOL
even if that line is just going into a 5 gallon bucket in your backyard with a goldfish in it.
not sayin to stop working on yourself, but take a break and YOU for a day. did i read something about motorcycles? if ya have one, go on a roadtrip this weekend.
prolly be better iffen its not just around the yard,though.
neighbors might think your weird.
if ya dont, get in your car and take a roadtrip.
DEFINATLY not around the yard,tho.
cops might think something more than weird.LOLOLOLOL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
But the last 3 or 4 months I honestly don't know what I was doing. That's not an excuse. But it is the truth
The most scary and important part you have already done, you got off!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
people using their gas mower to trim the lawn do not INTEND to cause harm to the atmosphere, either. 
i could give a homeless person a can of soup - that they later throw that can at a car and break the windshield is not MY fault, certainly not my intent.
you know how like in google maps you can see the whole planet and then zoom in a bit, see the continents, zoom in more to the US, and all the way down to your house? and go even further to street view and "drive" around? methinks it's time to start UN-zooming a bit......start to look at the slightly bigger picture. you were involved for a time with someone, and their ancillary someones, and now you aren't. you aren't still holding the cooler with her new kidney in it!!! you didn't make off with the family jewels, or leave her in a Turkish prison.
Three C's of Alanon:
You didn't CAUSE
You can't CONTROL it
You can't CURE it
i could give a homeless person a can of soup - that they later throw that can at a car and break the windshield is not MY fault, certainly not my intent.
you know how like in google maps you can see the whole planet and then zoom in a bit, see the continents, zoom in more to the US, and all the way down to your house? and go even further to street view and "drive" around? methinks it's time to start UN-zooming a bit......start to look at the slightly bigger picture. you were involved for a time with someone, and their ancillary someones, and now you aren't. you aren't still holding the cooler with her new kidney in it!!! you didn't make off with the family jewels, or leave her in a Turkish prison.
Three C's of Alanon:
You didn't CAUSE
You can't CONTROL it
You can't CURE it
I hope she never actually needs a kidney. I could be in big trouble. Then
Lol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
hey, you LOL'd!
2 hr commute home today, UGH. where is the bazooka, get OUT of my way.
so tell me one cool thing that happened today. or a funny thing.
2 hr commute home today, UGH. where is the bazooka, get OUT of my way.
so tell me one cool thing that happened today. or a funny thing.
Yesterday I was busy with work & I was ok for most of the day. In the afternoon some dark thoughts crept in concerning last Friday night & anxiety type feelings hit me. After a while, I was able to work through that. From there just wanted to get home. Went to bed at 9 felt very tired.
Dreamt of her last night. Woke up at 2 am thinking I should unblock her. Worked through that madness & fell back to sleep like at 4 am.
She is still blocked.
I am feeling ok. I just have to deal with thoughts & feelings as things come up. I have therapy tomorrow.
I am going to get to a better more stable place.
Thanks for checking on me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
Shout out to HL! don't think you can leave now, we're like the mafia...you know too much! LOL
Don't worry I haven't left. Nor will I for a long time.
SR is my life line. I still read on here daily. Just noting thanks when I read something especially meaningful to me. Which is often
I've been quiet concerning posting anything. Just laying low & getting myself sorted out & stable
I am ok in general. Taking one day at a time. I'm committed to no contact. I still get daily heavy anxiety. It comes & goes. I'm learning to deal with it in a constructive way & get past it
The contact was a pretty big set back. I'm more stable now than I was when it happened
Thank you for checking on me. I have a special place in my heart for you. Your very direct advice & vast knowledge concerning. Addiction has helped me greatly I have a lot of respect for you.
I don't mean to slight all the other wonderful people here on SR. Who have taken an interest in me & my mess. So many who offered words of wisdom & support to a complete stranger. I can't thank you all enough
I have a long way to go. I know that. I also clearly know the. path I must take. It's not easy for me to deal in the reality of my situation. But I am coming to terms with that reality.
Thank you. I'm not leaving. I'm here daily.
Mafia. Lol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
I just wanted to add one more thing
Coming here to SR has been a very humbling experience for me
Humbling because I thought I knew a lot about my addict & knew a lot about addiction. Then learned I didn't know very much
Humbling also to read the ongoing painful situations posted each day by people who are struggling badly
Coming here to SR has been a very humbling experience for me
Humbling because I thought I knew a lot about my addict & knew a lot about addiction. Then learned I didn't know very much
Humbling also to read the ongoing painful situations posted each day by people who are struggling badly
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I thought I knew my addict like no one else ever possible could. And as it turned out all the wonderful people here at SR knew my A so much better than I did. I am forever grateful to each and every single one of them, especially AnvilheadII.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by atalose
I thought I knew my addict like no one else ever possible could. And as it turned out all the wonderful people here at SR knew my A so much better than I did. I am forever grateful to each and every single one of them, especially AnvilheadII.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
hee hee, i got you to LOL. this calls for.......
Dancing Bananas!!!!
Dancing Bananas!!!!
People are gonna talk. Lol
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Hi Hardlessons,
I am very late to your party here but wanted to chime in. First, yeah, we all love Anvilhead. She sure puts it to us quickly and efficiently. She's a good egg with a huge heart (don't let her toughness fool you).
I can tell you so many helped me when I first came here to SR broken and hurting. Many kind, compassionate and loving people here. You found a good place to find healing and refuge.
It took me a long time to learn about addiction and enabling too. It sucks to be in the place you are but know you are not a fool. We all get sucked in and we all do things we wish we hadn't done and we all struggled with the ending of the enabling. For me it was my son and let me tell ya, that was very very difficult.
On a die note,I have also been addicted to a person like you and helped that person out financially so I get that part too (unfortunately). I know the many times of telling myself to stop and just not having the cajones to do it.
I am so glad you have therapy to help you. From one enabler and addict of a person to another, you will get through this and you will survive. Every single day that you have NC puts you at a much better place and closer to finding happiness again. I see from your post that you work many hours but hope you can find time to do things you enjoy. This is key to moving forward and getting to a better place emotionally.
Can you find time to walk a bit during the day, even for 10-15 minutes? Any type of exercise will help you, especially getting out in the fresh air.
What did you enjoy doing before this all started? How did you fill your time when not working? You may not find as much enjoyment right now, but in time it will come back I promise you.
The gratitude part is also very helpful. I know some days it sure is hard to find anything to be happy or grateful for when you are feeling like you do but again, it helps. Some have journals where they write three things daily they are grateful for. Waking up can be one, they do not have to be astounding.
All these things will help you in the long run. I know you wont feel magically wonderful in a day but with time (and time is your best friend here), you will slowly start to feel like the real you again.
On a side note, after the fact, with therapy and some real NC time behind me, I realized I just wanted to feel needed. I was naive, stupid, whatever you want to call it and I got played.....but I also learned a lot from it and I also learned a lot from my son's addiction and my role in keeping him addicted. Do not own her addiction HL, that is hers and her alone.
Keep working with the therapist and try and get out and not close yourself in your house. It takes A LOT of pushing yourself to do these things but they will help you and you will feel better.
Hugs to you. Don't be so hard on yourself. As Anvil says, we have either done it or heard it before. We are all here to help each other and support each other. No judgement here.
I am very late to your party here but wanted to chime in. First, yeah, we all love Anvilhead. She sure puts it to us quickly and efficiently. She's a good egg with a huge heart (don't let her toughness fool you).
I can tell you so many helped me when I first came here to SR broken and hurting. Many kind, compassionate and loving people here. You found a good place to find healing and refuge.
It took me a long time to learn about addiction and enabling too. It sucks to be in the place you are but know you are not a fool. We all get sucked in and we all do things we wish we hadn't done and we all struggled with the ending of the enabling. For me it was my son and let me tell ya, that was very very difficult.
On a die note,I have also been addicted to a person like you and helped that person out financially so I get that part too (unfortunately). I know the many times of telling myself to stop and just not having the cajones to do it.
I am so glad you have therapy to help you. From one enabler and addict of a person to another, you will get through this and you will survive. Every single day that you have NC puts you at a much better place and closer to finding happiness again. I see from your post that you work many hours but hope you can find time to do things you enjoy. This is key to moving forward and getting to a better place emotionally.
Can you find time to walk a bit during the day, even for 10-15 minutes? Any type of exercise will help you, especially getting out in the fresh air.
What did you enjoy doing before this all started? How did you fill your time when not working? You may not find as much enjoyment right now, but in time it will come back I promise you.
The gratitude part is also very helpful. I know some days it sure is hard to find anything to be happy or grateful for when you are feeling like you do but again, it helps. Some have journals where they write three things daily they are grateful for. Waking up can be one, they do not have to be astounding.
All these things will help you in the long run. I know you wont feel magically wonderful in a day but with time (and time is your best friend here), you will slowly start to feel like the real you again.
On a side note, after the fact, with therapy and some real NC time behind me, I realized I just wanted to feel needed. I was naive, stupid, whatever you want to call it and I got played.....but I also learned a lot from it and I also learned a lot from my son's addiction and my role in keeping him addicted. Do not own her addiction HL, that is hers and her alone.
Keep working with the therapist and try and get out and not close yourself in your house. It takes A LOT of pushing yourself to do these things but they will help you and you will feel better.
Hugs to you. Don't be so hard on yourself. As Anvil says, we have either done it or heard it before. We are all here to help each other and support each other. No judgement here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by needingabreak
Hi Hardlessons,
I am very late to your party here but wanted to chime in. First, yeah, we all love Anvilhead. She sure puts it to us quickly and efficiently. She's a good egg with a huge heart (don't let her toughness fool you).
I can tell you so many helped me when I first came here to SR broken and hurting. Many kind, compassionate and loving people here. You found a good place to find healing and refuge.
It took me a long time to learn about addiction and enabling too. It sucks to be in the place you are but know you are not a fool. We all get sucked in and we all do things we wish we hadn't done and we all struggled with the ending of the enabling. For me it was my son and let me tell ya, that was very very difficult.
On a die note,I have also been addicted to a person like you and helped that person out financially so I get that part too (unfortunately). I know the many times of telling myself to stop and just not having the cajones to do it.
I am so glad you have therapy to help you. From one enabler and addict of a person to another, you will get through this and you will survive. Every single day that you have NC puts you at a much better place and closer to finding happiness again. I see from your post that you work many hours but hope you can find time to do things you enjoy. This is key to moving forward and getting to a better place emotionally.
Can you find time to walk a bit during the day, even for 10-15 minutes? Any type of exercise will help you, especially getting out in the fresh air.
What did you enjoy doing before this all started? How did you fill your time when not working? You may not find as much enjoyment right now, but in time it will come back I promise you.
The gratitude part is also very helpful. I know some days it sure is hard to find anything to be happy or grateful for when you are feeling like you do but again, it helps. Some have journals where they write three things daily they are grateful for. Waking up can be one, they do not have to be astounding.
All these things will help you in the long run. I know you wont feel magically wonderful in a day but with time (and time is your best friend here), you will slowly start to feel like the real you again.
On a side note, after the fact, with therapy and some real NC time behind me, I realized I just wanted to feel needed. I was naive, stupid, whatever you want to call it and I got played.....but I also learned a lot from it and I also learned a lot from my son's addiction and my role in keeping him addicted. Do not own her addiction HL, that is hers and her alone.
Keep working with the therapist and try and get out and not close yourself in your house. It takes A LOT of pushing yourself to do these things but they will help you and you will feel better.
Hugs to you. Don't be so hard on yourself. As Anvil says, we have either done it or heard it before. We are all here to help each other and support each other. No judgement here.
I am very late to your party here but wanted to chime in. First, yeah, we all love Anvilhead. She sure puts it to us quickly and efficiently. She's a good egg with a huge heart (don't let her toughness fool you).
I can tell you so many helped me when I first came here to SR broken and hurting. Many kind, compassionate and loving people here. You found a good place to find healing and refuge.
It took me a long time to learn about addiction and enabling too. It sucks to be in the place you are but know you are not a fool. We all get sucked in and we all do things we wish we hadn't done and we all struggled with the ending of the enabling. For me it was my son and let me tell ya, that was very very difficult.
On a die note,I have also been addicted to a person like you and helped that person out financially so I get that part too (unfortunately). I know the many times of telling myself to stop and just not having the cajones to do it.
I am so glad you have therapy to help you. From one enabler and addict of a person to another, you will get through this and you will survive. Every single day that you have NC puts you at a much better place and closer to finding happiness again. I see from your post that you work many hours but hope you can find time to do things you enjoy. This is key to moving forward and getting to a better place emotionally.
Can you find time to walk a bit during the day, even for 10-15 minutes? Any type of exercise will help you, especially getting out in the fresh air.
What did you enjoy doing before this all started? How did you fill your time when not working? You may not find as much enjoyment right now, but in time it will come back I promise you.
The gratitude part is also very helpful. I know some days it sure is hard to find anything to be happy or grateful for when you are feeling like you do but again, it helps. Some have journals where they write three things daily they are grateful for. Waking up can be one, they do not have to be astounding.
All these things will help you in the long run. I know you wont feel magically wonderful in a day but with time (and time is your best friend here), you will slowly start to feel like the real you again.
On a side note, after the fact, with therapy and some real NC time behind me, I realized I just wanted to feel needed. I was naive, stupid, whatever you want to call it and I got played.....but I also learned a lot from it and I also learned a lot from my son's addiction and my role in keeping him addicted. Do not own her addiction HL, that is hers and her alone.
Keep working with the therapist and try and get out and not close yourself in your house. It takes A LOT of pushing yourself to do these things but they will help you and you will feel better.
Hugs to you. Don't be so hard on yourself. As Anvil says, we have either done it or heard it before. We are all here to help each other and support each other. No judgement here.
Your not late to my party. My party has been going on for years & is still in full swing. I don't expect it will be over anytime soon
Thank you for taking time out of your day to write me. I read and appreciate all that you said
Many people here on SR. Have helped me. Given me sound advice.
I know from reading other stories some have much more complicated & maybe worse situations than I have. My heart goes out to them. It makes me think about my blessings which I try to do daily
I got myself into a pretty big mess. It's left me damaged. I'm working on repairing that damage. I'm not fooling myself into thinking this all will be ok without getting help. I know that's not the case
I do work a lot. Like 10 to 12 hours a day door to door. It's good for me keeps my mind occupied. I do get out. During the day for a walk fresh air. By the end of the day I am tired & just thankful to get home
I keep myself busy on the weekends doing small things. I spend time outdoors I'm not ready for anything big. I still have anxiety which comes & goes daily. I have a lot of other difficult thoughts & feelings. But the anxiety when it hits is the worst. Doing anything big like taking a trip even for the day would be too difficult. For me. I'm just staying within my limits for now
I don't even remember what I felt like before I met her. Due to the nature of the relationship it feels like a lifetime. I do know the quality of my life is way worse now than before I met her
I push myself to keep busy doing small things. But I am not at a point I enjoy doing anything. But I still do it.
I would like a chance to date & meet someone nice. Do fun things together. But right now I have too much going on in my head. It would be difficult for me to be around one person for an extended period of time unless they understood what was going on with me. Anxiety could hit then what? Difficult to explain unless someone understood I get sad at times too.
It would be very nice for me to meet someone who understood. That would certainly help me
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I can't thank you enough. I'm doing my best to deal with this just day to day
Thank you for your hugs. Love the thought of hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
You are doing the right things, no matter how small. My daughter has panic attacks so I also understand that. Working with your therapist and time will help. Dont beat yourself up, you've been through a lot. I wish Z was here, he would fully understand all you are dealing with.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Midwest
Posts: 96
Hardlessons,
Sorry to hear your pain. You posted on my site yesterday, which prompted me to read yours. There is a lot of pain, a lot of confusion.
I share the pain and am trying to unweave it and get myself out of the trap.
If I could offer this idea that my Al Anon sponsor said to me.... When we try to figure it out, we start to buy into the insanity. There is nothing to understand, nothing to figure out, its insanity.
I started to read "Codependence no more" , only on the first chapter but I like it. Maybe to read more about codependence. Also, Al Anon has helped me (just fell off the wagon and temporarily forgot what I learned).
I wish you well and hope you can let go of this situation and start to focus on yourself.
Take care
Sorry to hear your pain. You posted on my site yesterday, which prompted me to read yours. There is a lot of pain, a lot of confusion.
I share the pain and am trying to unweave it and get myself out of the trap.
If I could offer this idea that my Al Anon sponsor said to me.... When we try to figure it out, we start to buy into the insanity. There is nothing to understand, nothing to figure out, its insanity.
I started to read "Codependence no more" , only on the first chapter but I like it. Maybe to read more about codependence. Also, Al Anon has helped me (just fell off the wagon and temporarily forgot what I learned).
I wish you well and hope you can let go of this situation and start to focus on yourself.
Take care
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