Home for a weekend , quick spiral and painful
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Home for a weekend , quick spiral and painful
My son, came home for a bday weekend, seemed amazing had 6 months with him and celebrate turning 24 yrs old. we laughed and did so much crying. He insisted on seeing old good friends, clean non drug friends, but ended up super depressed....why is he in this spot and they have all moved on...so sad broke my heart.. I am glad he is alive. 2 OD and brought back to me. I met him where he was, not with lecturing and trying to help I listened to his heart break and love . he sat across from me and I haven't seen him in 8 months, my son, my amazing son. it wasn't a good trip for him, my fear is a quick relapse didn't want to do ameeting while he was here since so limited but needed it more than ever im sure. I loved him, I just loved him. enjoyed talking but then I felt it in my codie heart he was right there ready to go and use at any moment........my heart broke I offered help here if he wanted He said no............I hugged and kissed him and let him go back on a plane to where he lived and now cant get ahold of him. coulda shoulda woulda kicking in now, my guilt wish I begged him to stay and get help my program says no he has to want it I get it but im physically sick all over again.............sorry had to vent.
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Location: Adelaide, Australia
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not a vent- a cry of pain and anguish and sadness. I have often said that the only thing that could really happen worse for me than the path that led me to SR, would be anything happening to my 2 adult sons (who do not talk to me now because of my alcoholism). So you are grieving and want support. You have it. My support, effort and compassion.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Twofour,
I know that grief and pain you have, been there and fear it. It's hard to forget what has happened in the past
My loving support
to you and I'll pray that YOU take care of you!
Strong hugs from this momma to you!
TF
I know that grief and pain you have, been there and fear it. It's hard to forget what has happened in the past
My loving support to you and I'll pray that YOU take care of you!
Strong hugs from this momma to you!
TF
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
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Thank you all for ongoing support. twofish, so hard having two in it I do as well but update my son said "mom I need help" im gonna use no matter what I feel it in my body I have to go somewhere safe don't worry about me im going inpatient now my sponsor is taking me before I OD again. update , safe at the moment , didn't spiral to the point of no return..............so scared as always ................thankful for him making the right choice
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Update now son wants to get out of the state he is in and get a fresh start somewhere else. in south florida now and no work available and recovery has been such a challenge.......................can use anywhere right? what is the location although he has never asked to move been at this location for almost 3 years. mom guilt help fly him somewhere say good luck make good choices, I love you ..............................all I want to do is say ok find a spot and I will get you there but not sure, gotta hit a room to decide if it is a good choice for me. I feel guilty for him being in florida since I helped get him there from his first detox. didn't realize how bad south florida is but isn't every state hit with the opiate epidemic???????????? any locations other than CA and FLorida people have had success with???
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
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i could live on the polar icecap and find my DOC if i wanted it.
i could run anywhere, but wherever i go, there i am.
the geographical relocation program NEVER worked for me.
"any locations other than CA and FLorida people have had success with???"
success with what? recovery? hell yes!! EVEN in cali and fla. addiction doesnt leave an addict when they change locations. an addict doesnt mysteriously,majically become recovered with a geographical relocation.
the best thing ive found to help and addict recover?
get the monkey off the back and kill the bastaad.
that can be done in downtown detroit,miami,dallas, d.c., seattle, tacoma, portland, baton rouge, cleveland, st louis, san francisco, deluth,omer,elmore, cripple creek,brookings..............
it takes action that doesnt involve moving.recovery doesnt just mysteriously happen. its not all unicorns, rainbows, pink clouds, and instant peace and serenity
it takes the addict to reach into the toolbox of tools they have and put them into action.
and theres going to be discomfort for a while. that discomfort leaves as an addict continues the action of using the tools of recovery.
i could run anywhere, but wherever i go, there i am.
the geographical relocation program NEVER worked for me.
"any locations other than CA and FLorida people have had success with???"
success with what? recovery? hell yes!! EVEN in cali and fla. addiction doesnt leave an addict when they change locations. an addict doesnt mysteriously,majically become recovered with a geographical relocation.
the best thing ive found to help and addict recover?
get the monkey off the back and kill the bastaad.
that can be done in downtown detroit,miami,dallas, d.c., seattle, tacoma, portland, baton rouge, cleveland, st louis, san francisco, deluth,omer,elmore, cripple creek,brookings..............
it takes action that doesnt involve moving.recovery doesnt just mysteriously happen. its not all unicorns, rainbows, pink clouds, and instant peace and serenity
it takes the addict to reach into the toolbox of tools they have and put them into action.
and theres going to be discomfort for a while. that discomfort leaves as an addict continues the action of using the tools of recovery.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Subsidizing a move without an actual plan is a very bad idea.
The fact that YOU'RE trying to figure out where he should go is a bad sign and reeks of enabling. It also sends him the message that he's cannot figure this out by himself, and he needs Mommy to help him. He's twenty-four. Not twelve. You have to let him grow up.
Now IF he's trying to go back to school or if he has a job already lined up then the financial assistance he's asking for wouldn't be so bad.
The bad weekend he had, I bet a million bucks that he saw his old friends and felt ashamed at how little he's accomplished compared to them. The fact that he said...
tells me that he isn't owning up to his own role. Nobody put a gun to his head and told him to use drugs. He made some crappy choices and he needs to own it. He needs to own his life.
Expecting the Bank of Mom to bail him out will probably add to the humiliation and shame he already feels. Don't make it worse by reinforcing the message that he can't figure it out by himself. He's talked to the sponsor before ODing and that's a very good sign, but he's got to do more than that, he's got to take charge of who he is before you throw money down the drain. Let him be in charge, not you, not the opioids. HIM.
The fact that YOU'RE trying to figure out where he should go is a bad sign and reeks of enabling. It also sends him the message that he's cannot figure this out by himself, and he needs Mommy to help him. He's twenty-four. Not twelve. You have to let him grow up.
Now IF he's trying to go back to school or if he has a job already lined up then the financial assistance he's asking for wouldn't be so bad.
The bad weekend he had, I bet a million bucks that he saw his old friends and felt ashamed at how little he's accomplished compared to them. The fact that he said...
why is he in this spot and they have all moved on
Expecting the Bank of Mom to bail him out will probably add to the humiliation and shame he already feels. Don't make it worse by reinforcing the message that he can't figure it out by himself. He's talked to the sponsor before ODing and that's a very good sign, but he's got to do more than that, he's got to take charge of who he is before you throw money down the drain. Let him be in charge, not you, not the opioids. HIM.
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Posts: 277
thank you all , as always it was the kick in the butt they I needed to hear! and feel! I know I have to say I love you and trust that you can handle this relapse The codie was on her way back out, many meetings later ..............I am back on track with my program...................and letting him work his! Thanks again
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Originally Posted by PuzzledHeart 
Subsidizing a move without an actual plan is a very bad idea.
The fact that YOU'RE trying to figure out where he should go is a bad sign and reeks of enabling. It also sends him the message that he's cannot figure this out by himself, and he needs Mommy to help him. He's twenty-four. Not twelve. You have to let him grow up.
Now IF he's trying to go back to school or if he has a job already lined up then the financial assistance he's asking for wouldn't be so bad.
The bad weekend he had, I bet a million bucks that he saw his old friends and felt ashamed at how little he's accomplished compared to them. The fact that he said...
tells me that he isn't owning up to his own role. Nobody put a gun to his head and told him to use drugs. He made some crappy choices and he needs to own it. He needs to own his life.
Expecting the Bank of Mom to bail him out will probably add to the humiliation and shame he already feels. Don't make it worse by reinforcing the message that he can't figure it out by himself. He's talked to the sponsor before ODing and that's a very good sign, but he's got to do more than that, he's got to take charge of who he is before you throw money down the drain. Let him be in charge, not you, not the opioids. HIM.
The fact that YOU'RE trying to figure out where he should go is a bad sign and reeks of enabling. It also sends him the message that he's cannot figure this out by himself, and he needs Mommy to help him. He's twenty-four. Not twelve. You have to let him grow up.
Now IF he's trying to go back to school or if he has a job already lined up then the financial assistance he's asking for wouldn't be so bad.
The bad weekend he had, I bet a million bucks that he saw his old friends and felt ashamed at how little he's accomplished compared to them. The fact that he said...
tells me that he isn't owning up to his own role. Nobody put a gun to his head and told him to use drugs. He made some crappy choices and he needs to own it. He needs to own his life.
Expecting the Bank of Mom to bail him out will probably add to the humiliation and shame he already feels. Don't make it worse by reinforcing the message that he can't figure it out by himself. He's talked to the sponsor before ODing and that's a very good sign, but he's got to do more than that, he's got to take charge of who he is before you throw money down the drain. Let him be in charge, not you, not the opioids. HIM.
Thanks so true ! the shame and humiliation I could feel him feeling it for sure......................
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 277
Originally Posted by PuzzledHeart
Subsidizing a move without an actual plan is a very bad idea.
The fact that YOU'RE trying to figure out where he should go is a bad sign and reeks of enabling. It also sends him the message that he's cannot figure this out by himself, and he needs Mommy to help him. He's twenty-four. Not twelve. You have to let him grow up.
Now IF he's trying to go back to school or if he has a job already lined up then the financial assistance he's asking for wouldn't be so bad.
The bad weekend he had, I bet a million bucks that he saw his old friends and felt ashamed at how little he's accomplished compared to them. The fact that he said...
tells me that he isn't owning up to his own role. Nobody put a gun to his head and told him to use drugs. He made some crappy choices and he needs to own it. He needs to own his life.
Expecting the Bank of Mom to bail him out will probably add to the humiliation and shame he already feels. Don't make it worse by reinforcing the message that he can't figure it out by himself. He's talked to the sponsor before ODing and that's a very good sign, but he's got to do more than that, he's got to take charge of who he is before you throw money down the drain. Let him be in charge, not you, not the opioids. HIM.
The fact that YOU'RE trying to figure out where he should go is a bad sign and reeks of enabling. It also sends him the message that he's cannot figure this out by himself, and he needs Mommy to help him. He's twenty-four. Not twelve. You have to let him grow up.
Now IF he's trying to go back to school or if he has a job already lined up then the financial assistance he's asking for wouldn't be so bad.
The bad weekend he had, I bet a million bucks that he saw his old friends and felt ashamed at how little he's accomplished compared to them. The fact that he said...
tells me that he isn't owning up to his own role. Nobody put a gun to his head and told him to use drugs. He made some crappy choices and he needs to own it. He needs to own his life.
Expecting the Bank of Mom to bail him out will probably add to the humiliation and shame he already feels. Don't make it worse by reinforcing the message that he can't figure it out by himself. He's talked to the sponsor before ODing and that's a very good sign, but he's got to do more than that, he's got to take charge of who he is before you throw money down the drain. Let him be in charge, not you, not the opioids. HIM.
Originally Posted by tomsteve
i could live on the polar icecap and find my DOC if i wanted it.
i could run anywhere, but wherever i go, there i am.
the geographical relocation program NEVER worked for me.
"any locations other than CA and FLorida people have had success with???"
success with what? recovery? hell yes!! EVEN in cali and fla. addiction doesnt leave an addict when they change locations. an addict doesnt mysteriously,majically become recovered with a geographical relocation.
the best thing ive found to help and addict recover?
get the monkey off the back and kill the bastaad.
that can be done in downtown detroit,miami,dallas, d.c., seattle, tacoma, portland, baton rouge, cleveland, st louis, san francisco, deluth,omer,elmore, cripple creek,brookings..............
it takes action that doesnt involve moving.recovery doesnt just mysteriously happen. its not all unicorns, rainbows, pink clouds, and instant peace and serenity
it takes the addict to reach into the toolbox of tools they have and put them into action.
and theres going to be discomfort for a while. that discomfort leaves as an addict continues the action of using the tools of recovery.
i could run anywhere, but wherever i go, there i am.
the geographical relocation program NEVER worked for me.
"any locations other than CA and FLorida people have had success with???"
success with what? recovery? hell yes!! EVEN in cali and fla. addiction doesnt leave an addict when they change locations. an addict doesnt mysteriously,majically become recovered with a geographical relocation.
the best thing ive found to help and addict recover?
get the monkey off the back and kill the bastaad.
that can be done in downtown detroit,miami,dallas, d.c., seattle, tacoma, portland, baton rouge, cleveland, st louis, san francisco, deluth,omer,elmore, cripple creek,brookings..............
it takes action that doesnt involve moving.recovery doesnt just mysteriously happen. its not all unicorns, rainbows, pink clouds, and instant peace and serenity
it takes the addict to reach into the toolbox of tools they have and put them into action.
and theres going to be discomfort for a while. that discomfort leaves as an addict continues the action of using the tools of recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 277
quick update on my son
5 day detox, again, 30 day treatment and has started on Vivitrol. No bad reactions to the pill form and waiting for insurance to approve the injections. I pray. He sounds good and positive and trying a different sponsor. So proud of his positive movement and trying something different. I pray for his recovery and hope this med offers what he needs to keep moving forward. Not sure I approve of the med but it is not me. I hope and pray he finds that this relapse could be his last. Thanks everyone for reading.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Twofour,
Thank you for the update on your beautiful and much loved son.
He's sounding positive and wanting his sobriety. That's a HUGE first step he took. The tool he's willing to try, is a tool. He has to do the real, very hard work to
have a recovery plan in place and to respect it. He's in a rehab that will guide and educate him. He's willing to be on Vivitrol...all good...moving forward and now the work begins.
I pray for you and your dear son that sobriety will show up on his face, you will see it, recovery looks like recovery, and that's a sweet sight for us mommas to see.
Never give up hope Twofour and please take good care of yourself...
Always on my mind. You are in my prayers and know that you can always lean on us for support in your time of need...God knows...that you have helped me, many times. Us mommas give love to our kids...but, us mommas need love and support too.
Respectfully, my friend, we care about you!
Your cousin, Twofish...( I hope that put a smile on your face
)
Thank you for the update on your beautiful and much loved son.
He's sounding positive and wanting his sobriety. That's a HUGE first step he took. The tool he's willing to try, is a tool. He has to do the real, very hard work to
have a recovery plan in place and to respect it. He's in a rehab that will guide and educate him. He's willing to be on Vivitrol...all good...moving forward and now the work begins.
I pray for you and your dear son that sobriety will show up on his face, you will see it, recovery looks like recovery, and that's a sweet sight for us mommas to see.
Never give up hope Twofour and please take good care of yourself...
Always on my mind. You are in my prayers and know that you can always lean on us for support in your time of need...God knows...that you have helped me, many times. Us mommas give love to our kids...but, us mommas need love and support too.
Respectfully, my friend, we care about you!
Your cousin, Twofish...( I hope that put a smile on your face
)
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
I will continue to pray for all of our children to embrace their recovery. It sounds good that he is motivated. My son just recently told me he felt this time(too many to count) was different and he was embracing the steps a lot more. I never give up hope as long as they are breathing!
Hugs
TT
Hugs
TT
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Prayers going up for your son Twofour that he will find recovery again and do well. So hard to keep that enabler locked up when it comes to our kids but you did well and let him figure it out on his own. They have to.
Glad you have this good news and can relax for a little bit. Hugs from one mother to another.
Glad you have this good news and can relax for a little bit. Hugs from one mother to another.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 277
Thank you all so much!! Hate this disease but as T said never give up on them , never ever. Thanks again for listening and thanks for the prayers, Agreed us mommas always got each other here on SR, you all are always in my prayers as well 
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