Got drugs from and slept with prostitutes
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Originally Posted by cynical one 
There is no reason to have a confrontation. There will be crocodile tears and then like a flip of a switch...it will all be your fault. And, you will come away feeling even worse than you do right now. I would pack his crap up in crackhead suitcases (garbage bags) put them on the front porch and place the journal on top (after making copies of any pages that will help you with the divorce and more importantly child custody). Now that you know...is now the time to play smart.
Crap, it's his daughter's problem though and his mom's. I love them, not so much him anymore. Oh well. That's on him to deal with. If he can care about another human enough to do anything for them anyway. I thought he loved me. I really genuinely did.
And no, this damned sure won't be MY fault. My sex drive was always higher than his. Or maybe I just wasn't getting it elsewhere. That could be it.
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I would pack his crap up in crackhead suitcases (garbage bags) put them on the front porch and place the journal on top (after making copies of any pages that will help you with the divorce and more importantly child custody). Now that you know...is now the time to play smart.
^^^^^ THIS!!!! EXCELLENT ADVICE!
^^^^^ THIS!!!! EXCELLENT ADVICE!
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100% agree with Cynical.....one of our beloved old timers (good to see ya!).
there is nothing to confront. nothing to say. treat it like head lice or fleas...you don't have a talk with the fleas FIRST, you just do WHATEVER IT TAKES to eradicate them.
there is nothing to confront. nothing to say. treat it like head lice or fleas...you don't have a talk with the fleas FIRST, you just do WHATEVER IT TAKES to eradicate them.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
100% agree with Cynical.....one of our beloved old timers (good to see ya!).
there is nothing to confront. nothing to say. treat it like head lice or fleas...you don't have a talk with the fleas FIRST, you just do WHATEVER IT TAKES to eradicate them.
there is nothing to confront. nothing to say. treat it like head lice or fleas...you don't have a talk with the fleas FIRST, you just do WHATEVER IT TAKES to eradicate them.
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Originally Posted by Deelilah
Let him go get some crack and come back here...I will call the cops so fast.
Lashing out, getting it off your chest, having the last word, hurting back, or getting "closure" doesn't matter in the long run. For now, what you want is to find a way to heal. That only comes with strictly following the NO CONTACT RULE
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Originally Posted by cynical one
That's not the game I would be playing. This could get violent very fast... whether or not he's ever been violent before. Do you have any brothers or buddies that would come over?
Lashing out, getting it off your chest, having the last word, hurting back, or getting "closure" doesn't matter in the long run. For now, what you want is to find a way to heal. That only comes with strictly following the NO CONTACT RULE
Lashing out, getting it off your chest, having the last word, hurting back, or getting "closure" doesn't matter in the long run. For now, what you want is to find a way to heal. That only comes with strictly following the NO CONTACT RULE
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I should confess...during all this crack mania, I came very close...VERY close...to sleeping with a coworker. Really wish I had now, but my integrity pulled me back from the brink. Not proud of it, but it is what it is and if nothing else, I should be honest here.
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I am so sorry you are hurt and in pain, it sucks!! You have every reason to be pissed off but I agree 100% confrontation and any game playing at this point will only work against your healing and moving away from this relationship.
Any talks you have him with moving forward about what you discovered will be him attempting to convince you it was all the drugs fault and how none of it meant anything to him, etc. etc.
I'd have plan B, C and D ready to go. He may not just leave the home willingly to go stay else where so that means you will have to leave. I'd also make a Doctor appointment as soon as possible and begin getting testing for STD's followed up with a visit to an attorney.
((hugs))
Any talks you have him with moving forward about what you discovered will be him attempting to convince you it was all the drugs fault and how none of it meant anything to him, etc. etc.
I'd have plan B, C and D ready to go. He may not just leave the home willingly to go stay else where so that means you will have to leave. I'd also make a Doctor appointment as soon as possible and begin getting testing for STD's followed up with a visit to an attorney.
((hugs))
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I am going to say this. Don't go sleep with someone out of spite. You will only feel worse about it in the end if you do that. Carry yourself with grace and integrity, you will be glad you did later, I promise.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
I am going to say this. Don't go sleep with someone out of spite. You will only feel worse about it in the end if you do that. Carry yourself with grace and integrity, you will be glad you did later, I promise.
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I'm so sorry, sweetie.
Whatever you do, DO NOT blame yourself, not now, not ever. He had choices not to be a complete asshat...and he had to seek these women out, it's not like he was presented with a sudden opportunity and slipped and fell on top of one.
At the very least, you don't have to second-guess yourself anymore about whether he deserves another chance, maybe another rehab, he says he's clean but doesn't act like it...all the codie rationalization blabla.
You're done. Once and forever.
His loss.
Whatever you do, DO NOT blame yourself, not now, not ever. He had choices not to be a complete asshat...and he had to seek these women out, it's not like he was presented with a sudden opportunity and slipped and fell on top of one.
At the very least, you don't have to second-guess yourself anymore about whether he deserves another chance, maybe another rehab, he says he's clean but doesn't act like it...all the codie rationalization blabla.
You're done. Once and forever.
His loss.
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Deelilah, Oh my word what a nightmare!! You have every right to be the most angry you have ever been about anything 
You have experienced the most intimate form of betrayal possible! I really can only just begin to imagine how angry you are. Please don't let that anger lead you to do something rash that might get *you* in trouble with the law!
I do agree with the others who suggest channeling that anger into activity. First, I might, as CO suggested, copy the pages of "The Adventures of Mr. Happy Pants" for future reference--and to remind you of the details of his adventures in case you begin to feel nostalgic later on.
Then I would likely pack up his belongings and tell him to come and get them between the hours of x and y. As also suggested, having someone else there might be a very good idea. If not, then maybe you can leave them with some other family member?
I encourage you to change the locks, too, in case he still has a key.
Please post and vent here as much as you need...many times a day! It helps to get it all out (says someone whose ex-husband was unfaithful, too).
You have experienced the most intimate form of betrayal possible! I really can only just begin to imagine how angry you are. Please don't let that anger lead you to do something rash that might get *you* in trouble with the law!I do agree with the others who suggest channeling that anger into activity. First, I might, as CO suggested, copy the pages of "The Adventures of Mr. Happy Pants" for future reference--and to remind you of the details of his adventures in case you begin to feel nostalgic later on.
Then I would likely pack up his belongings and tell him to come and get them between the hours of x and y. As also suggested, having someone else there might be a very good idea. If not, then maybe you can leave them with some other family member?
I encourage you to change the locks, too, in case he still has a key.
Please post and vent here as much as you need...many times a day! It helps to get it all out (says someone whose ex-husband was unfaithful, too).
agree, do not go ballistic...revenge is best never served- and just put into safe words- here.
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Originally Posted by atalose
I am so sorry you are hurt and in pain, it sucks!! You have every reason to be pissed off but I agree 100% confrontation and any game playing at this point will only work against your healing and moving away from this relationship.
Any talks you have him with moving forward about what you discovered will be him attempting to convince you it was all the drugs fault and how none of it meant anything to him, etc. etc.
I'd have plan B, C and D ready to go. He may not just leave the home willingly to go stay else where so that means you will have to leave. I'd also make a Doctor appointment as soon as possible and begin getting testing for STD's followed up with a visit to an attorney.
((hugs))
Any talks you have him with moving forward about what you discovered will be him attempting to convince you it was all the drugs fault and how none of it meant anything to him, etc. etc.
I'd have plan B, C and D ready to go. He may not just leave the home willingly to go stay else where so that means you will have to leave. I'd also make a Doctor appointment as soon as possible and begin getting testing for STD's followed up with a visit to an attorney.
((hugs))
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by hopeful4
I am going to say this. Don't go sleep with someone out of spite. You will only feel worse about it in the end if you do that. Carry yourself with grace and integrity, you will be glad you did later, I promise.
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