Fear of getting lost in this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 2
Fear of getting lost in this.
Hello, I'm new here.
My live-in boyfriend of 5.5 years confessed to being addicted to heroin for the past 2 years (after using it recreationally for 2 years before that). I had no idea that he had ever tried it, never mind "needing" it on a daily basis to hold off vicious withdrawal symptoms. As I'm sure you can imagine, it feels like the life I knew was ripped out from underneath me in an instant. Addiction was not part of my reality a short week ago, yet now it's all I can thing about.
Since his confession there has been a flurry of activity. With the support of family, close friends and his employer, he will (hopefully) receive financial approval from his insurance provider and will enter into a 90 day rehabilitation facility within the next week.
I fully support the steps he is taking towards his own recovery. He's a kind and thoughtful man who I want in my life (providing he sticks with the plan) but I feel like I might lose myself in this situation. I've gone to my first weekly NAR-ANON support meeting and will continue to do so.
I guess I'm writing tonight mostly because I need the support of people who know what I'm going through. I don't want to feel that my struggles are less important because I'm not dealing with substance dependency myself. If that makes sense?
Anyway, thank you for reading this. I appreciate any suggestions you may have for me.
My live-in boyfriend of 5.5 years confessed to being addicted to heroin for the past 2 years (after using it recreationally for 2 years before that). I had no idea that he had ever tried it, never mind "needing" it on a daily basis to hold off vicious withdrawal symptoms. As I'm sure you can imagine, it feels like the life I knew was ripped out from underneath me in an instant. Addiction was not part of my reality a short week ago, yet now it's all I can thing about.
Since his confession there has been a flurry of activity. With the support of family, close friends and his employer, he will (hopefully) receive financial approval from his insurance provider and will enter into a 90 day rehabilitation facility within the next week.
I fully support the steps he is taking towards his own recovery. He's a kind and thoughtful man who I want in my life (providing he sticks with the plan) but I feel like I might lose myself in this situation. I've gone to my first weekly NAR-ANON support meeting and will continue to do so.
I guess I'm writing tonight mostly because I need the support of people who know what I'm going through. I don't want to feel that my struggles are less important because I'm not dealing with substance dependency myself. If that makes sense?
Anyway, thank you for reading this. I appreciate any suggestions you may have for me.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Your struggles are every bit as important and it is a good thing you are doing, reaching out for support. Meeting are a very good start, coming here and reading what others have shared will also help you see what you may be facing.
Rehab teaches them to live life on life's terms and gives them tools to help them get past the urges to use drugs. The real recovery begins when they leave rehab and have to use these tools and make a better life for themselves. Some who embrace sobriety, make it and never look back. Others take many tries and live the recovery/relapse/rehab cycle for a long time. Sadly, some die trying. We never know where our loved one will fall in the scenarios above.
Keep taking care of yourself, begin your own recovery plan and find your balance again, and know that you are among friends here who truly understand.
Hugs
Rehab teaches them to live life on life's terms and gives them tools to help them get past the urges to use drugs. The real recovery begins when they leave rehab and have to use these tools and make a better life for themselves. Some who embrace sobriety, make it and never look back. Others take many tries and live the recovery/relapse/rehab cycle for a long time. Sadly, some die trying. We never know where our loved one will fall in the scenarios above.
Keep taking care of yourself, begin your own recovery plan and find your balance again, and know that you are among friends here who truly understand.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hugs to you.
Yes, I can completely understand. Loving someone with an addiction is heart wrenching, and wears you out both mentally and physically. I hope he does go for at least 90 days, as H is so addictive and requires a longer stint.
At this point, take this time to focus on YOU. Let him choose his path in rehab and work on him, which is what he needs now. Go to meetings, Naranon or Celebrate Recovery. Spend time with people that love you and can support you. Keep posting here, you are not alone, and this is a place of great support!
Yes, I can completely understand. Loving someone with an addiction is heart wrenching, and wears you out both mentally and physically. I hope he does go for at least 90 days, as H is so addictive and requires a longer stint.
At this point, take this time to focus on YOU. Let him choose his path in rehab and work on him, which is what he needs now. Go to meetings, Naranon or Celebrate Recovery. Spend time with people that love you and can support you. Keep posting here, you are not alone, and this is a place of great support!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
I spent many years focusing on my heroin addicted son instead of myself. It took a long time for me to learn that it is his fight and nothing I can do or say can can change that. Heart breaking as it is, we have to hope and pray they will fight that battle for themselves. Don't get lost in his addiction, it will take its toll on you very quickly. As the others have said, focus on you and what you can do for yourself. Myounwill this site to be a wonderful source of help and support. It's wonderful your bf has the support of his employer to help him to get into long term treatment.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
that's alot of new info to absorb. anytime an addict "admits" to using, they are likely rounding DOWN on the numbers. what i am saying is that is quite likely that he had been using SOMETHING throughout the duration of your relationship. and you had no idea.
now it's not impossible to HIDE drug use - but hiding long term use and addiction to a drug that causes almost immediate withdrawals is hard to pull off. except you had no idea you needed to be looking for signs. however he behaved was NORMAL to you. you had nothing to compare it to.
him getting into a 90 day program would be very beneficial to him establishing a foundation for recovery. AND it gives you so much needed space to think, reflect, and get your own support. you've been LIED TO for years. who he presented himself as to you was FALSE.
there is likely a lot more hidden behaviors as well. things you might not even want to contemplate or know about. but trust me, there IS more.
wishing you both the best.
now it's not impossible to HIDE drug use - but hiding long term use and addiction to a drug that causes almost immediate withdrawals is hard to pull off. except you had no idea you needed to be looking for signs. however he behaved was NORMAL to you. you had nothing to compare it to.
him getting into a 90 day program would be very beneficial to him establishing a foundation for recovery. AND it gives you so much needed space to think, reflect, and get your own support. you've been LIED TO for years. who he presented himself as to you was FALSE.
there is likely a lot more hidden behaviors as well. things you might not even want to contemplate or know about. but trust me, there IS more.
wishing you both the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 2
Thank you to everyone for your kindness.
This past week hasn't exactly rolled out as hoped. Insurance is taking their sweet time in making a decision regarding coverage. Unfortunately that means we're waiting day after day.
But not all is Lost. Since we're both off on previously scheduled holidays, we're taking advantage of each day. Cleaning the deck and repotting plants, cooking, blogging, walks in the part. I'm not kidding myself into believing that life is grand, but instead I'm trying to fill each day with things that are good for my soul.
If anyone is interested, I'll update on this thread once more has happened.
This past week hasn't exactly rolled out as hoped. Insurance is taking their sweet time in making a decision regarding coverage. Unfortunately that means we're waiting day after day.
But not all is Lost. Since we're both off on previously scheduled holidays, we're taking advantage of each day. Cleaning the deck and repotting plants, cooking, blogging, walks in the part. I'm not kidding myself into believing that life is grand, but instead I'm trying to fill each day with things that are good for my soul.
If anyone is interested, I'll update on this thread once more has happened.
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