Angelsovertime

Hello, I am new to threads, posts or blogs. First one ever. Usually I would just keep everything inside about my dysfunctional family and try to live on with my life without telling a soul but now it has become so unbearable to witness my sister's constant excuses for her every action. She is bipolar, 29 and hasn't taken any bipolar medicine since she was 16. Thanks to my father's constant denial state, she has gotten away with every irresponsible decision she's ever made in her life with absolutely no consequences. She has never had a job and had slept all day and is up all night ever since she was around 20. Over two years or so ago she got into an altercation with someone who had broken her wrist. She sued for alot of money and when she eventually received it blew it all on prescription drugs from the street like Percocet and Vicodin. That's where her pain medication abuse was finally noticed by my family even though I knew for a long time she had a huge problem. Now skip forward a few years and she is prescribed anti-anxiety meds, sleep meds, and pain meds. She takes over 3x's the recommended dose of each. She has a slipped disc from a minor car accident from when she was 17 or so she says. She constantly complains about pains all over her body and has an excuse for everything going on in her life. She has two children and sometimes drives with them while under all these meds and has an ACS case for a car accident she was involved in with her older child. I have witnessed as she has spiralled down over and over again and it's making me so frustrated, upset and worried that she has taken on this new "normalcy" of a life. I wish her licence would get revoked. I wish ACS would do more to encourage her to ween off these meds, and I wish my father wasn't in such denial about the whole thing. He is the biggest excuse maker of all time. She is heading towards her death and I just hope she doesn't take my nephew's with her. What can I do? I have tried sympathizing with her and her depression, argued, fought, and have called ACS before. How do I intervene? What can I do besides be a witness to all of her destructive behavior? I'm Calling ACS again because I am truly worried about my nephew's. Please help me with some feedback.

Maudcat

Hi, Angels, and welcome. Your situation doesn't sound good. Nothing worse than watching a family member spiral out of control, especially when children are involved.
I would try to rise above the enabling family dynamic. Your dad isn't going to change with regard to your sister. I have a mom-sib enabling relationship in my life, and I know how it goes.
Your sis's children need someone to be a positive, supportive role model. Can you be that person? It could make all the difference.
Your sister is going to do what addicts do, and your dad is not going tochange his ways at this stage of the game.
I would suggest being there for the kids. Peace.

teatreeoil007

You've already argued and fought with her about some of these issues, and it didn't help? I was going to suggest confronting her, but that may just blow up. Confrontation with an addict can be dicey; confrontation with a bi-polar/addict can be even worse. Bi-polar's can be volatile. Not fun. Obviously, she needs professional help. She needs to be on meds for her bi-polar. She could be "self-medicating" her bi-polar with drugs. You have every right to report her to child protective services. Have you confronted your dad about his enabling? That seems to be a big source of your frustration. As long as addicts have enablers in their life it just seems to support what they do and doesn't help them get on the recovery road. She's got some bad habits that she's been allowed to keep and will be hard to break, such as not having a job and sleeping all day and not being held accountable.

In the meantime, I'm glad you found this site, though sorry for what's going on. This is a great place for support and understanding.

Ann

I have nothing to add except hugs, and to say that I am glad you found us, you are among friends here who understand your pain.

Hugs

PuzzledHeart

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. My sister has a drug problem - my dad is the enabler. It will take your dad a while to see what's going on, if he ever sees it at all. Even if you talk to him until you're blue in the face he most likely won't change his mind. Unfortunately, experience will be his best teacher.

You don't mention if the children's father is involved in their lives. I speak with my nieces' father, despite the animosity between him and my sister, and it made things so much easier.

Is the school aware of what's going on? Teachers, in many cases, are mandated reporters and are required to report signs of abuse to ACS. I've spoken to my nieces about talking to their counselors if things are going over their heads. It's good to give them options that they may have not necessarily thought about.

You may not be able to do anything for your sister, but you can certainly be there for her children.

hopeful4

Hello and welcome. I am so sorry for what brings you here, but glad you came and are reaching out.

Unmedicated Bipolar is a disaster. Many, many bipolar people are also substance abusers. She needs to be on mood stabilizers, but you cannot get into that.

I second what was said above. Be there for her child. Talk to the school and any other family members who may be supportive, and report her to child services. That's all you can do. She is in the throes of addiction, and not in her right mind. There is very little chance you will be able to reach her at all, so I would not even try. Your father will see it eventually, however, even if he gets mad at you, protecting the child has to come first.

Tight hugs.

Angelsovertime

Thank you Maudcat. I have tried to be there for her children and I will start to dedicate my free time more to visiting my nephews. It's just really depressing to see her in the process. I try to pick up the eldest and bring him back over my house for weekends so he can spend time with my son. Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it!

Angelsovertime

Thank you! I feel as if I'm all alone in this uphill battle with trying to get everyone in my family to understand that this is heading south fast. I've mentioned my father and his denial but I also have a grandmother who raised me who understands my frustrations and her drug problem but she still provides her money and when given the opportunity would rather jump in the passenger seat while she's high on her various overdosed meds because she believes her being there will prevent a catastrophic event. I get so very mad at her for her decisions as well on top of the enabling father. To top this whole thing off I also have another sister with bipolar in another state with many children who has a street drug problem as well. I need a therapist to help channel my feelings about my fustrations with my dysfunctional family. I appreciate your understanding and I'm glad I finally opened up about it some way somehow but I'm feeling hopeless in my family matter.

Angelsovertime

Sorry your on the same boat. It's still spiralling out of control and I just found out today that her and her youngest son's father are going to ACS today for a final meeting to close that last ACS case. I don't know whether to call ACS now and let them know that she is not better and she constantly puts her children at risk behind the wheel and they are witnesses to her fidgets of rage between her and her boyfriend and her untreated bipolar. I most likely will call again! Im just hoping for a miracle that she will try to do better but it just seems hopeless. I talk with her boyfriend all the time about her drug abuse and he's certainly frustrated but the man hasn't held a job since he's been with her either. He makes excuses for everything too. He's not once taken any of my advice of monitoring her prescription drug use and not allowing her to drive the car. He stays there in the house all day everyday and does everything for the kids while she's either asleep or too high to. I've told him to give her an ultimatum. Leave the house for once and force her to take some kids of responsibility. I believe she's went on this long because he allows her to. It's all so frustrating. I'm not sure if the school is aware of an ACS case but she sure is intentionally depriving her eldest of a better education after he took a specialized test to get into a specialized school. She left him in the same school for another year because it was convenient for her.
I'm just going on and on but there's too many things attributing to her drug abuse it's sickening. Is your sister still with her kids father? This is one thing I hate about her boyfriend still after everything he's by her side unknowing enabling her as well. Thanks for the support;

Angelsovertime

Thank you!

needingabreak

Hugs to you for what you are going through. I am glad you found us. This is such a tricky situation but I think your calling them would be your best option. Your dad does not want to see what is going on and talking to your sister probably wont do much good. Her children are very lucky to have you in their lives and the more you can do with them the better off they will be having a stabilizing force in their lives. Please let us know how things are going. I wish the very best outcome for all, especially for your sister to get the help she needs.

atalose

Welcome and so glad you reached out and shared your story. It is very hard being the “responsible one” in a dysfunctional family. I think inviting your nephew to your home on weekends is a great idea for him. If you do not mind me asking, how old is he? Is he old enough to be aware that something is not quite right with mommy?

I think for you to seek out a therapist to assist you in sorting out all of the overwhelming emotions that surround addiction and the dysfunctional family dynamic would be a great idea.

You mentioned that you cannot “witness” it any more with your sister that lives close by, than don’t. Make your time with her very short and to the point,…….detach with love and compassion even when you feel like you can’t. Arguing with addicts is like arguing with a 2 year old when all they are going to respond with is NO”. Remember what having a 2 year old was like………pick up your toys – NO. Put your pants back on – NO. Are you hungry – NO, time for bed – NO.

Do you abuse your meds – NO, don’t you realize you are out of it and unable to care for yourself or a child – NO, You are killing yourself – NO, you are hurting those that love you – NO.

Not much different, still the same frustration though and then add bipolar issues on top of addiction and it is the making of a horrible self- destructive storm.

CherryVanilla

The children are the innocent victims. I think take care of the best interests of the children first, your own best interests second, and everyone else is on their own. ((hug))

Angelsovertime

Thanks for the support atalose. The eldest child is extremely bright and is almost 9 years old. He has witnessed her extremely out of it and barely functional many times. He has also been in a major car accident with his mom about a year ago where he was blessed by angels to have come out of it without a scratch. This is why I choose angelsovertime because i feel as though they are constantly watching over my sisters and all my nephews and nieces. She was found to have all kinds of drugs in her system but instead of spending jail time, she had an ACS case and a had to attend drug outpatient program for a short time. I was outraged by the state's easygoing punishment. I want her to learn her lesson and spend time in jail to start really thinking about her actions . As awful as it may sound. She had gone way too far with this.
Her license should be revoked. My nephew knows his mommy is not well and he does hear every fight in the house because they live in a studio. It is sad to know that he has them as parents. They are building nothing for his or his little brothers future. It's disgraceful. They've hit me with their book of excuses over and over again. Its to the point where I just want them to be in really serious trouble so the kids could get out of it somehow.

hopeful4

I personally would watch her and when she drives under the influence call the police, as many times as it takes. I would also make sure the 9 year old has a phone so they are able to contact help at any time.

Just a couple of thoughts. Hugs to you.