EuropeanGirl

Dear All

Eight months ago I met the love of my life, and I was his. I knew about his Cannabis use from the beginning, and that he smoked daily. But then I had almost no knowledge or experience about this drug. I have never tried it myself, I just drink alcohol occationally at parties. I have some friends who smokes pot, however, and I have heard from them that cannabis is not addictive or dangerous for humans, and that it does not produce abstinence. Is this true?

I therefore never questioned his pot use in the beginning of our relationship, even though he smoked every day. But then I recognized that he was running out of money all the time (even tough he has a good job with a, for me, huge salary). I understood that this was the bad side of his daily cannabis use, and therefore tried to get him to quit smoking.

He agreed with me and promised me to quit, but I had to "allow" him to smoke at special occasions, for example in the weekends after a hard week at work. I thought this was a good idea.

However, when he quitted to smoke in the weekdays, he also showed me another personality. He became very irritated and aggressive and could fight for hours about small things, for instance that I had not answered his messages on the phone when I was at work. Then in the weekends when he smoked again, he turned normal and was the loving boyfriend that I fell in love with.

He has smoked for over ten years every day, and have a very hard childhood behind him. I don't know if that information is relevant but I tell you anyway.

However, I had enough of his bad mood and anger, so last week I decided to move out of his apartment and break up. Before we broke up did we have a heavy argumentation about his cannabis use. The thing is that since I moved out, he has not showed me a slight feeling. From being the love of his life, to this. I don't understand a thing. He could be extremely jealous of me, wanting to beat other men who just looked at me in the streets. Now this? I live in the house beside his pot dealer so I have seen him there at least one time a day buying pot. Can pot make people desensitized?

I am just chocked over this entire situation, I don't understand why all people (at least in my age) are claiming that pot is not addictive

Whitewingeddove

are you sure it's only the pot? Seems to be a lot going on here besides just pot, but that's hard to say.

One thing that did get my attention was your comment about how he used to get extremely jealous of men looking at you and wanted to "beat them". This isn't love...........huge red flags. Sorry

ardy

my hubby started with weed and beer at 9 years of age.. weed beer and pills at 12.. by 14 he was the candyman.. at 20 he was a felon at 30 sick broke and almost dead.. at 37 he wanted a better life.. and found me by accident.. one time I stopped at his house with out calling first.. women drugs and weed.. I slammed the door and walked. have a great f..ing life I am a Clown and work in Stocks and bonds don't need that... he stopped cold turkey.. in 2006 he had a bad fall at work. neck back and shoulder surgery.. and in 208 the Doc put him on Morphine.. black mood days sick to his tummy.. screaming at everything and anything even objects that were solid.. today 2017 I know when his brain is not working right.. he will be 62 to my 67 this year.. 2017.. I know he is slowly going into demenitia not spelled right but you get it. he shouts to talk.. screams to be heard and is angry all the time.. forgets hugely forgets. every thing .. and then I have to ask you do remember that you loved me once.. and he stops.. kids that is so very very hard... You Do Remember You Loved Me Once.... sometimes it works most of the time lately he will stop and go lay down for a couple of hours.. and then wants to cook dinner.. and be nice.. miss my hubby from 1994 to 2006 very much...
Weed is a drug makes birds fly upside down and cows fall over and Wolves attack everything..in sight... I have never found a person or a family that can say.. we live 100% right and the kids are great and the house and bills are all in good order.. that are smoking and drinking and doing drugs.. nope..

Dee74

Hi and welcome EuropeanGirl

I smoked pot for decades. I was certainly irritable for a little while when I stopped but not aggressive to other men in the street irritable.

Maybe there is something else going as well - who knows.

In all my relationships in the years I smoked, pot was really the other woman, my mistress. I couldn't really commit to someone unless they accepted my weed.

I think you're made a good choice for yourself to move on.

Best wishes to you

D

AnvilheadII

anybody who has smoked pot for a long time is going to be crabby when they quit. same with quitting anything else - sugar, caffeine, cigarettes, or dairy.

but the uber aggressiveness is not "normal" - it could be that with the pot he was able to self-medicate, keep mellow and keep some demons at bay.

i'm not sure moving next door to his dealer was the best plan??? as for how he can shut down his feelings for you so easily - one would first have to question how deep they were in the first place. considering he was stoned all the time, i'm sure he seemed happy and easy going and loving.

PuzzledHeart

My sister has been using a combo of pot and alcohol since her teens, with an inclination towards pot.

Family gatherings, such as Thanksgiving, were fraught with tension because for her it meant white-knuckling the day without the stuff. For us, it meant tiptoeing around her temper.

I believe that her heavy usage has seriously hampered her judgment. Even if she isn't angry, she isn't really all there anymore.

When my mom threatened suicide and I had to call ER, I called her up to inform her what happened. She responded "I'm sorry, but I can't help but start laughing."

When my dad ended up in the hospital, she asked me if she could bring her bass guitar to practice on the night she was supposed to be watching over him (he had been initially admitted to ICU). Instead of arguing with her, I told her just to bring the bass over and to talk to the nurse about it. I was way too tired to put up a fight after being in the hospital for 21 hours without any sleep. She ended up being a no show anyway so it was a moot point.

So yes, in my experience, pot can certainly dull emotions to the point where the addict's ability to empathize with anything goes down to zero.

Ann

I grew up in the 60's and 70's when the strength and toxicity of pot was less than half of what it is now. I have watched people who appeared functional but smoked pot for years and years and over and above it affecting them physically, without exception it has affected them mentally.

Pot is a drug...period. A harmful drug that I believe IS addictive and harmful and changes people in ways that are not good.

You are wise to step away from all this, addiction is progressive and gets worse over time. The fact that he can also be violent is reason alone to get away from him.

Next step might be to move away from his dealer too.

Good luck with this. We are here to walk with you as you work through your emotions. Let the circus leave town without you, dear, it's not a good place to be.

Hugs

Anaya

EG: Other posters make solid points.

It is hopeful that you have moved along.

Life is tough enough, let alone tolerating substance (ab)use; it just complicates things even more.

IMO and experience, many underrate the negatives of marijuana; I think at one time or another, we all might minimize what is going on when wanting to rationalize our or others' behaviors.

Good luck in all you do. Take care.