How to deal with Meth-addicted father
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 1
How to deal with Meth-addicted father
Hi,
This is my first time posting and I'm not sure exactly what to write, but if you could offer advice or if anyone has had a similar experience, I would appreciate hearing about it.
My story starts half a year ago when I first found out that my dad was addicted to methamphetamine. I was listening to my parents fight at night and I didn't know exactly what they were talking about. When I pestered my mom about it later, she eventually told me about the situation. It came as a complete shock as up until then I had thought my dad was a great father, despite his shortcomings. I eventually realized that the addiction had started much earlier (as in at least a year earlier) but I am naive and did not realize until a few months ago. It started off with fights between my parents at night, but it quickly escalated out of control.
When he was using, my dad would stay awake the whole night working on "home improvements" that awoke the whole house and our neighbors. He spent money like crazy but surprisingly did not lose his job, which would have been devastating as he is the major breadwinner of the household. He would leave for days and would pretend like there was nothing wrong, avoiding the subject when my mom tried to talk about it.
The hardest part of the situation for me was dealing with my mom. She has always been like my rock, never wavering in tough situations. Since his addiction, she cries a lot although she is really trying to be brave about the whole situation. It has been really hard for me to see my role model reduced to this. I try to be considerate with her, but I don't know how to react when she breaks down.
At one point my mom was going to move into a hotel because my dad refused to leave and my mom could not tolerate the constant pain (during the addiction, I think my father also cheated on her). After many requests by my mom to move out, my father finally left the house and I think he is living somewhere in his car now. I haven't seen or spoken to him for two weeks.
Sorry for writing so much. I was trying to give a brief summary of events but there is a lot that I need to get out. I haven't told any of my friends so I really only talk to my mom about it. I am struggling with how to deal with these events and how to keep a normal face on in school. Anyways, thank you for reading and I would be so thankful if you commented.
This is my first time posting and I'm not sure exactly what to write, but if you could offer advice or if anyone has had a similar experience, I would appreciate hearing about it.
My story starts half a year ago when I first found out that my dad was addicted to methamphetamine. I was listening to my parents fight at night and I didn't know exactly what they were talking about. When I pestered my mom about it later, she eventually told me about the situation. It came as a complete shock as up until then I had thought my dad was a great father, despite his shortcomings. I eventually realized that the addiction had started much earlier (as in at least a year earlier) but I am naive and did not realize until a few months ago. It started off with fights between my parents at night, but it quickly escalated out of control.
When he was using, my dad would stay awake the whole night working on "home improvements" that awoke the whole house and our neighbors. He spent money like crazy but surprisingly did not lose his job, which would have been devastating as he is the major breadwinner of the household. He would leave for days and would pretend like there was nothing wrong, avoiding the subject when my mom tried to talk about it.
The hardest part of the situation for me was dealing with my mom. She has always been like my rock, never wavering in tough situations. Since his addiction, she cries a lot although she is really trying to be brave about the whole situation. It has been really hard for me to see my role model reduced to this. I try to be considerate with her, but I don't know how to react when she breaks down.
At one point my mom was going to move into a hotel because my dad refused to leave and my mom could not tolerate the constant pain (during the addiction, I think my father also cheated on her). After many requests by my mom to move out, my father finally left the house and I think he is living somewhere in his car now. I haven't seen or spoken to him for two weeks.
Sorry for writing so much. I was trying to give a brief summary of events but there is a lot that I need to get out. I haven't told any of my friends so I really only talk to my mom about it. I am struggling with how to deal with these events and how to keep a normal face on in school. Anyways, thank you for reading and I would be so thankful if you commented.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh sweetie, first off, welcome to SR. This is a place of great support, so get it out.
It is really hard to see someone you consider to be a rock to fall apart. I have two daughters and I always think of this. However, we moms are human. The key is that both you and your mom need a face to face support system that is not each other. It's fine to be there for each other, but you are both facing feelings that are different because of your different roles.
Have you thought of seeking out a program like Celebrate Recovery? I don't know your faith walk, but there are lots of great programs out there that do offer wonderful support. I say CR only because it was a great program for me in dealing with addiction in my family. I thought I was sending my addict X husband there to get him fixed. LOL, little did I realize, it is a program that changed my own life, and saved me during a time that was so hard.
I also encourage you to seek individual counseling. Check around, you may be able to access it for free through different programs.
Lastly, post here anytime. SR is a place of wonderful people who are here to support you, and understand because they have went through the same. I encourage you to read the stickies at the tops of the forum, they have lots of great info.
Tight hugs. I am sorry for the reason you are here, but glad you are here.
It is really hard to see someone you consider to be a rock to fall apart. I have two daughters and I always think of this. However, we moms are human. The key is that both you and your mom need a face to face support system that is not each other. It's fine to be there for each other, but you are both facing feelings that are different because of your different roles.
Have you thought of seeking out a program like Celebrate Recovery? I don't know your faith walk, but there are lots of great programs out there that do offer wonderful support. I say CR only because it was a great program for me in dealing with addiction in my family. I thought I was sending my addict X husband there to get him fixed. LOL, little did I realize, it is a program that changed my own life, and saved me during a time that was so hard.
I also encourage you to seek individual counseling. Check around, you may be able to access it for free through different programs.
Lastly, post here anytime. SR is a place of wonderful people who are here to support you, and understand because they have went through the same. I encourage you to read the stickies at the tops of the forum, they have lots of great info.
Tight hugs. I am sorry for the reason you are here, but glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 250
Hi lostgirl,
I, too, am so sorry for what has brought you here.
Meth is a horrible drug and I'm so sorry that it is in your life. It turned someone I know from a kind, gentle soul to a very cruel and sick person.
I agree with everything hopeful said in the previous post. It is so emotionally draining and exhausting to deal with this type of situation. In my case, I felt like it was sucking the life right out of me, making it very difficult to function in life.
Posting here on SR and joining a support group (coincidentally, it was also Celebrate Recovery) helped me out tremendously. I didn't choose addiction, but my loved one did, and whether I liked it or not, addiction was in my life and I needed help dealing with it.
Educate yourself as much as possible, take care of yourself and keep coming back to SR for support. If anyone knows what you're going through, it's the people on this board.
I, too, am so sorry for what has brought you here.
Meth is a horrible drug and I'm so sorry that it is in your life. It turned someone I know from a kind, gentle soul to a very cruel and sick person.
I agree with everything hopeful said in the previous post. It is so emotionally draining and exhausting to deal with this type of situation. In my case, I felt like it was sucking the life right out of me, making it very difficult to function in life.
Posting here on SR and joining a support group (coincidentally, it was also Celebrate Recovery) helped me out tremendously. I didn't choose addiction, but my loved one did, and whether I liked it or not, addiction was in my life and I needed help dealing with it.
Educate yourself as much as possible, take care of yourself and keep coming back to SR for support. If anyone knows what you're going through, it's the people on this board.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
If I could reach through this screen and give you a big hug I would. You're post breaks my heart for you and your mom. It hit so close to home for me.
I struggled with drug addiction myself and got into recovery, but I was married to a meth addict and ultimately ended up having to take the kids and leave in order to save us. I begged him, pleaded with him, fought with him, yelled, screamed at him, cried and ran the gamut of emotions over his addiction. Nothing I did or said could make a difference. The battle wasn't mine to fight.
Years later I remarried and had three children, but ultimately that marriage ended he is a meth addict who drives around the country in a semi truck with his drug addict girlfriend smoking meth. Our kids are being left behind in the wake of his addiction. They don't have a dad. But I try to be the best mom I can be to them.
I think the best advise I can give you is to point you and your mom in the direction of Nar-Anon. There are meetings that you can attend that can help you and your mom get through this difficult time. You can google Nar-Anon and find a meeting in your area and see if your mom would be open to going. The meetings are for people who have been affected by a loved ones addiction. They are life changing and can give you the tools and information to help you.
I always like to recommend reading about enabling, codependency and detaching with love.
There are also Nar-Anon support forums online that are filled with helpful information. Most importantly it is not your moms fault nor is it your fault and the reason I say this is because sometimes we can blame ourselves. Their addiction can feel like a very personal attack against us. We feel like if they loved us they would stop, but love has no power where addiction is concerned. The addicts brain has been hijacked by drugs and it is up to them to get clean.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.
Hugs,
Passion
Recovering addict
I struggled with drug addiction myself and got into recovery, but I was married to a meth addict and ultimately ended up having to take the kids and leave in order to save us. I begged him, pleaded with him, fought with him, yelled, screamed at him, cried and ran the gamut of emotions over his addiction. Nothing I did or said could make a difference. The battle wasn't mine to fight.
Years later I remarried and had three children, but ultimately that marriage ended he is a meth addict who drives around the country in a semi truck with his drug addict girlfriend smoking meth. Our kids are being left behind in the wake of his addiction. They don't have a dad. But I try to be the best mom I can be to them.
I think the best advise I can give you is to point you and your mom in the direction of Nar-Anon. There are meetings that you can attend that can help you and your mom get through this difficult time. You can google Nar-Anon and find a meeting in your area and see if your mom would be open to going. The meetings are for people who have been affected by a loved ones addiction. They are life changing and can give you the tools and information to help you.
I always like to recommend reading about enabling, codependency and detaching with love.
There are also Nar-Anon support forums online that are filled with helpful information. Most importantly it is not your moms fault nor is it your fault and the reason I say this is because sometimes we can blame ourselves. Their addiction can feel like a very personal attack against us. We feel like if they loved us they would stop, but love has no power where addiction is concerned. The addicts brain has been hijacked by drugs and it is up to them to get clean.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.
Hugs,
Passion
Recovering addict
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Sending you love & a cyber-hug.
It is so devastating to have your world fall apart because of drugs & not be able to fix anything.
While I agree that it is an important & powerful step to get involved in a family recovery group if you can access one (alanon, alateen, celebrate recovery, or similar), I also want to suggest that you be open to finding something you love to do outside the world of addiction, recovery, or your family struggles. Maybe martial arts or running? Music or art-making? My hope for you is that you can find a place to spend time & make new friends, while doing something interesting & expanding! Physical movement (yoga, martial arts, or a sport) especially can help you feel balanced & centered & inside your body when the rest of the world feels like it's tornado-spinning out of control!
Sending you strength! So glad you found SR.; there are lots of good people here!
It is so devastating to have your world fall apart because of drugs & not be able to fix anything.
While I agree that it is an important & powerful step to get involved in a family recovery group if you can access one (alanon, alateen, celebrate recovery, or similar), I also want to suggest that you be open to finding something you love to do outside the world of addiction, recovery, or your family struggles. Maybe martial arts or running? Music or art-making? My hope for you is that you can find a place to spend time & make new friends, while doing something interesting & expanding! Physical movement (yoga, martial arts, or a sport) especially can help you feel balanced & centered & inside your body when the rest of the world feels like it's tornado-spinning out of control!
Sending you strength! So glad you found SR.; there are lots of good people here!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
