Sunshine1234

So things are one day positive and the next day I feel defeated. Just a quick update. We have the GAL on board and she just released her initial report. She pretty much sided with my ex and referred to all his drug problems as "in the past"....when I gave her SPECIFIC examples of when I caught him using and even showed her emails and text messages where he admits to using. He checked into a detox 7 months ago...doesn't that say that it's a PRESENT problem?! It's not like you can just check into a detox without drugs in your system. He stayed the full 7 days too so he must have been going through withdrawals for them to keep him there. I feel like she totally fell for his manipulation and she even described him as "friendly guy who seems like he wants to do the right thing". He has YET to take a drug test to prove his innocence and it's been almost a year and he just started giving me child support because I had it court ordered. The good news is he failed to do the recent court ordered hair follicle test which will hopefully be ruled by the judge as a positive...so now I PRAY the GAL will see that this is a present problem. I just pray as time goes on that she realizes he had her fooled too just like he did with me our entire relationship. Anyone else have experience with a GAL? Do they seem to "favor" addicts? I know the courts are big in trying to rehabilitate addicts and help them rather than punish but don't they want to protect the kids too?! Ugh such a long road ahead.

Hechosedrugs

I did not get that far. I pretty much gave up when the mediator sided with my ex. I felt that, with all of the evidence I'd presented him, if he sided with my ex, anyone would.

Our court system is so broken. You need proof of recent events in order for them to take action. But his refusing to take a test is proof. So take heart.

I'm sorry you're going through this. The waiting is excruciating.

Sunshine1234

How recent though? We have been separated for almost a year so I don't know what he does with his time. I just know that he barks at supervised visits but yet has done nothing to change that. He met with the GAL 4 times and I only met with her once. I feel like I should be more aggressive with her since he apparently is. But then again I keep saying he will dig his own grave with his actions so maybe I should sit back and be classy and let her see on her own. She did state she is not happy that he has failed to take a drug test and is keeping visits supervised still. So that is a big plus for me.

Hechosedrugs

It's a huge plus. And he will dig his own grave. He IS digging his own grave.

solicitude

I don't want to scare you, but I want to be honest. I spoke with a GAL once, not in an active case type of circumstance- she wasn't my GAL or anything it was in a forum like this but regarding legal stuff. She was REALLY nasty to me. She literally kept saying to me "if he is so awful why did you spread your legs for him and have his kid" and "you must not believe in abortion, huh"
I don't know how a person with this kind of strong bias and opinion regarding people's lifestyles/choices could be a GAL. But... It appears to be a VERY common opinion among lawyers, GAL, mediators, and judges. My own lawyer even seemed to kinda assume I was just bitter over our break up. No, I'm scared for my 2 year old that can't even tell someone if something is wrong.
My son's dad is in the middle of a very long outpatient rehab program and is bullying me to give him unsupervised visits. I have looked things up and believe if he went to court the bias is leaning straight in his favor just because of the amount of time. Regardless of the fact that has twice relapsed within one month of finishing rehabs.. I have been pacing my house and feeling anxious for a month, now. I would just say try and negotiate your wants and be sure to insist that your main concern is the safety of the child, not hatred. Because sometimes they seem to take it upon themselves to just decide we are being bitter because we are exes.

Sunshine1234

She did stress many times in her report that I need to realize I chose to procreate with this man knowing his past. So yes I think you are right about this being a VERY common thought amongst GAL. Why don't they see that we are trying to keep our kids safe. You keep your kids in the environment with drugs and you are just as liable as the one who is using them. So we do the right thing and get the kids out of a harmful situation and then BAM the system is trying hard to get them right back under that roof with the drug user. I would NEVER have kids with someone who I thought was actively using. I thought it was in the past and I believed him.

Ann

I believe that an addicted parent, mother or dad, should have to take drug tests regularly and prove that they are clean for a period of at least one year, before even considering giving them rights to have their child alone. Supervised visits are safe and provide a witness to how the parent interacts with the child, trust, on the other hand has to be earned.

It's not hard to figure that out, it shouldn't cost a fortune to get the courts and your own lawyers to see it...and yet...they persist in making life hell for the spouse and child once again making life all about ME ME ME.

It's just wrong and one day I hope lady justice takes off her blindfold and sees the truth for what it is.

Keeping you and your child in my prayers.

Sunshine1234

Thanks Ann!

The GAL asked me what I wanted to happen and I too said a year of clean drug tests. She put 6 months in her report but that was prior to him not showing up for the drug test so hopefully now she has a different opinion.