Seeking vs. complaining
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: NORTHFIELD
Posts: 188
Seeking vs. complaining
So, I came to this site to find other people who shared my pain, who could understand and perhaps offer support for an awful situation.
Some people come to online support groups because it is hard for them to open up about painful things to other people.
This forum has a lot of people with a lot of knowledge.
I get that my posts have said a lot of the same things. I sound like a broken record even to myself sometimes. But my purpose here was to reach out for help and support. Trying to figure out the wreck my life has become through other peoples choices, to other people who can understand the nightmare of loving an addict.
Unfortunately... what I feel like now, is just a "complainer." Its been hard enough to be honest about my feelings, and reach out for support. And I get that sometimes the truth hurts. But. to feel the way I feel at this particular moment, really, is that I lost one of the few avenues that I have for support, because by trying to share where I am at in this mess, it is interpreted as "complaining". And you know what, that's just to toxic for me right now.
Sometimes people are too vulnerable and raw and a well intended remark might do more damage than help.
So, I wish you all well, and wish recovery for all your loved ones, but this place is not where I need to be right now. Thanks for all of your helpful posts. Merry Christmas, be safe and happy.
Some people come to online support groups because it is hard for them to open up about painful things to other people.
This forum has a lot of people with a lot of knowledge.
I get that my posts have said a lot of the same things. I sound like a broken record even to myself sometimes. But my purpose here was to reach out for help and support. Trying to figure out the wreck my life has become through other peoples choices, to other people who can understand the nightmare of loving an addict.
Unfortunately... what I feel like now, is just a "complainer." Its been hard enough to be honest about my feelings, and reach out for support. And I get that sometimes the truth hurts. But. to feel the way I feel at this particular moment, really, is that I lost one of the few avenues that I have for support, because by trying to share where I am at in this mess, it is interpreted as "complaining". And you know what, that's just to toxic for me right now.
Sometimes people are too vulnerable and raw and a well intended remark might do more damage than help.
So, I wish you all well, and wish recovery for all your loved ones, but this place is not where I need to be right now. Thanks for all of your helpful posts. Merry Christmas, be safe and happy.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Dear Sephra,
I get it... I really do. We, the league of codies can be a pushy and controlling lot. And the truth is, most really just hate to see you in pain out of an abundance of care...and so sometimes the advice comes across as my father's not at all subtle "sh** or get off the pot". Gee, thanks, Dad...not exactly what I need right now.
I know only too well the situation in which you find yourself with your husband and stepson. I was fortunate that my late husband did see how he needed to let his son go before we got married.
I am sending you so many hugs of support and prayers for you and your family. I know that ultimately, you are strong enough and wise enough to make a decision that is best for you.
I get it... I really do. We, the league of codies can be a pushy and controlling lot. And the truth is, most really just hate to see you in pain out of an abundance of care...and so sometimes the advice comes across as my father's not at all subtle "sh** or get off the pot". Gee, thanks, Dad...not exactly what I need right now.
I know only too well the situation in which you find yourself with your husband and stepson. I was fortunate that my late husband did see how he needed to let his son go before we got married.
I am sending you so many hugs of support and prayers for you and your family. I know that ultimately, you are strong enough and wise enough to make a decision that is best for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Sephra, my very best wishes to you going forward. I hope that you come back at some point, but I understand your reasons to stay away. For the record, I have NEVER felt that your posts are redundant or complaining. Quite the opposite. To me, you are the epitome of grace under pressure. You are dealing with some powerful, challenging situations just now, but your humanity has always shown through. Peace and good luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Sephra, sending my support to you, thee is never any easy way to accept our powerlessness. One very wise woman on this site said that no matter what, we have to do what is right for US at that moment in time. I always keep that at the front of my mind when I need to evaluate the choices and my role in those choices.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Sephra,
I haven't really experienced what you are describing, as far as responses, but I see where you are coming from.
Sometimes I take leaves of absence from visiting this site myself. Not for the same reasons, but in my case its more that I need a break from it all. Sometimes reading stories of pain and relapse after relapse is just too much to take in, and too hard to hear. Other times, I get inspiration and hope from stories of recovery. It's really just a day by day thing for me. I visit when I feel I can do so, and don't on days I prefer not to.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
thinking about you!
I haven't really experienced what you are describing, as far as responses, but I see where you are coming from.
Sometimes I take leaves of absence from visiting this site myself. Not for the same reasons, but in my case its more that I need a break from it all. Sometimes reading stories of pain and relapse after relapse is just too much to take in, and too hard to hear. Other times, I get inspiration and hope from stories of recovery. It's really just a day by day thing for me. I visit when I feel I can do so, and don't on days I prefer not to.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
thinking about you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 60
I hope you keep reading Sephra. I have taken my share of breaks. There are so many successful stories of recovery here that I used think I would never get there. Addicts hurt and abandon us in so many ways that it seems like one needs super human strength to be free of them. It's not always a linear process. I don't post much but reading helps me, and when I want to "complain" I post in my blog here, which is locked (never found you or anyone here to be a complainer btw). At first I did feel like a complainer but the blog did help me keep my mind clear and freed me from second guessing myself. Sending strength to you!
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