Thankful at a funeral today
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Thankful at a funeral today
My wife and I just returned home from a funeral. A member of our church. A talented chef who worked with me in the church kitchen for many events. I will call him Mike.
A few years back he had separated from his wife and was living in another state.
His wife and daughters continued on as the chief caregivers in our nursery. His only son is an aspiring minister and is in college / seminary to fulfill his dream. I have known this young man since he was in high school and he is living his dream -- he is one of those rare kids who KNOWS exactly what his career choice is from an early age and goes after it with laser focus.
Mike died a week ago and today at his funeral his only son poured out the story of his father's addiction and long struggle to recapture his sobriety following a relapse after 11 years of being clean and sober. Many in the congregation were stunned - they had no idea. I suspected, but was not sure since he had moved away and I no longer was seeing him on a weekly basis.
Mike's son remembered the good times and the bad, but spent much more time on Mike's loving relationship with each of his children....he will indeed make a great preacher.
The Homily was delivered by one of our associate pastors who my wife and I have educated somewhat on the topic of addict's behavior, addiction and the effects on their families. She did a wonderful job and actually sounded reminiscent of a NA / Nar-Anon speaker for a good portion of her speaking.
She started out by reading the first step and commenting that ALL of the 12 step programs have the same first step with just a word or two changed. She spoke with authority and insight into the 12 step programs and the amount of effort required to actually make them work. I am certain that much of her Homily flew over the heads of many, but for a knowing few in the audience, she was right on target.
The last prayer of the service was quite fittingly The Serenity Prayer -- it was easy to identify those among the crowd who truly understood the Homily - they were the ones who were saying every word without needing to look at the program.
I got to speak with Mike's son after the service and thanked him for being honest -- for not trying to make up some cover story about his father's death. He replied that he could not figure out any other way to tell his father's story.
I told him that the sooner the families of addicts start telling the truth, knocking down the stigma and honestly start talking about addiction the sooner we, as a society, might be able to provide some meaningful help. We have a long way to go.
Keep coming back,
Jim
A few years back he had separated from his wife and was living in another state.
His wife and daughters continued on as the chief caregivers in our nursery. His only son is an aspiring minister and is in college / seminary to fulfill his dream. I have known this young man since he was in high school and he is living his dream -- he is one of those rare kids who KNOWS exactly what his career choice is from an early age and goes after it with laser focus.
Mike died a week ago and today at his funeral his only son poured out the story of his father's addiction and long struggle to recapture his sobriety following a relapse after 11 years of being clean and sober. Many in the congregation were stunned - they had no idea. I suspected, but was not sure since he had moved away and I no longer was seeing him on a weekly basis.
Mike's son remembered the good times and the bad, but spent much more time on Mike's loving relationship with each of his children....he will indeed make a great preacher.
The Homily was delivered by one of our associate pastors who my wife and I have educated somewhat on the topic of addict's behavior, addiction and the effects on their families. She did a wonderful job and actually sounded reminiscent of a NA / Nar-Anon speaker for a good portion of her speaking.
She started out by reading the first step and commenting that ALL of the 12 step programs have the same first step with just a word or two changed. She spoke with authority and insight into the 12 step programs and the amount of effort required to actually make them work. I am certain that much of her Homily flew over the heads of many, but for a knowing few in the audience, she was right on target.
The last prayer of the service was quite fittingly The Serenity Prayer -- it was easy to identify those among the crowd who truly understood the Homily - they were the ones who were saying every word without needing to look at the program.
I got to speak with Mike's son after the service and thanked him for being honest -- for not trying to make up some cover story about his father's death. He replied that he could not figure out any other way to tell his father's story.
I told him that the sooner the families of addicts start telling the truth, knocking down the stigma and honestly start talking about addiction the sooner we, as a society, might be able to provide some meaningful help. We have a long way to go.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Yes, thank you for sharing this poignant story.
I agree, Jim, when people talk about addiction and how it hits all ages, all walks of life then the world will be wiser and hopefully more compassionate. Those who turn their noses up at the very concept, turn their noses up at you and me and Maudcat and everyone here who has an addicted loved one. I pray they never find out first hand that it is their child too.
Where does an addict come from? Good homes and bad, important homes and quiet little places in the country. Addicts are your children and mine, and all....every single one of them...are God's children, and God loves all his children, including His addicted ones.
Thank you for carrying the message, Jim, the world is a better place because of people like you.
Hugs
I agree, Jim, when people talk about addiction and how it hits all ages, all walks of life then the world will be wiser and hopefully more compassionate. Those who turn their noses up at the very concept, turn their noses up at you and me and Maudcat and everyone here who has an addicted loved one. I pray they never find out first hand that it is their child too.
Where does an addict come from? Good homes and bad, important homes and quiet little places in the country. Addicts are your children and mine, and all....every single one of them...are God's children, and God loves all his children, including His addicted ones.
Thank you for carrying the message, Jim, the world is a better place because of people like you.
Hugs
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