Drained
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 5
Drained
Hello all.
I really can't get my head around this one my bro is a coke addict and alcoholic that can't stop using its getting to breaking point with him as his partner and my family are struggling with his addiction. Earlier in the week he was all geared up to go bk to the gym as his fitness and health has slipped over the last 12 months I thought this was a really good sign. So last night he went to the gym for the first time in 12 months and on his way home he stopped for a bag of coke and sniffed the lot before he got back to my mom and dads then asked his girlfriend to lie and say he had been with her. What I'm struggling with is that he really seemed like he wanted to make a good go of changing his mind set with the gym then the first thing he did when he had finished is go and get that stuff. I asked what made him do it what was the trigger and he can't tell me. Can someone please give me some advice
I really can't get my head around this one my bro is a coke addict and alcoholic that can't stop using its getting to breaking point with him as his partner and my family are struggling with his addiction. Earlier in the week he was all geared up to go bk to the gym as his fitness and health has slipped over the last 12 months I thought this was a really good sign. So last night he went to the gym for the first time in 12 months and on his way home he stopped for a bag of coke and sniffed the lot before he got back to my mom and dads then asked his girlfriend to lie and say he had been with her. What I'm struggling with is that he really seemed like he wanted to make a good go of changing his mind set with the gym then the first thing he did when he had finished is go and get that stuff. I asked what made him do it what was the trigger and he can't tell me. Can someone please give me some advice
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I'm sorry to say this but addiction is not something that can be replaced with good workout habits. A commitment to abstinence, recovery, and sobriety is an all-in life choice. Until your brother decides that pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of changing, he won't be in a mind-set to attack real recovery for his addictions.
However, his partner and family have the option of taking care of themselves no matter what he does, and you can all support and help each other do that.
However, his partner and family have the option of taking care of themselves no matter what he does, and you can all support and help each other do that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 5
I'm just constantly waiting for the worse day so things start to get better I've been the strong one holding things together for months and now I'm finding it difficult my moms in pieces she feels like a failure and it's horrible to see. My bro is on a down day today where the suicide talks start to come out and it really breaks me I know it's the drugs talking but it's hard to hear someone you love say that.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Of course it is. Is it possible to take your mother to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting? This site is phenomenal, but nothing in the world replaces real life face-to-face support from those who have walked and are still walking in your shoes.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
addicts will SAY a lot of things...........but it is only what they actually DO that counts.
just as going to ONE AA meeting doesn't get you sober, going to the gym ONCE doesn't get you fit. OR sober.
couple questions.....why is your AB living with your parents? why do you feel you are "holding it altogether" and what does that really mean?
your brother's addiction is affecting a lot of people, but that CAN be minimized. your mom could use some outside support - not just you - and she could find that at Alanon or Naranon. she too also needs understand that that this is not her fault.
None of you caused it.
None of you can control it.
None of you can cure it.
as to why he went and got more coke..........it's what addicts do. it's not rational. it's the nature of the disease. coke is one of the most powerfully addictive drugs around.....it has the added "bonus" of being a much more MENTAL drug than physical.......the w/ds are short-lived by the cravings are insane.
also the crash is hard......nobody feels good after a coke run.....you are depleted physically and mentally, and you DO feel like you'd rather die.
the best thing you can do FOR your brother is round up the phone number for Narcotics Anonymous, and maybe the Crisis Line and/or a couple local rehabs. then give that information TO HIM and let go.
just as going to ONE AA meeting doesn't get you sober, going to the gym ONCE doesn't get you fit. OR sober.
couple questions.....why is your AB living with your parents? why do you feel you are "holding it altogether" and what does that really mean?
your brother's addiction is affecting a lot of people, but that CAN be minimized. your mom could use some outside support - not just you - and she could find that at Alanon or Naranon. she too also needs understand that that this is not her fault.
None of you caused it.
None of you can control it.
None of you can cure it.
as to why he went and got more coke..........it's what addicts do. it's not rational. it's the nature of the disease. coke is one of the most powerfully addictive drugs around.....it has the added "bonus" of being a much more MENTAL drug than physical.......the w/ds are short-lived by the cravings are insane.
also the crash is hard......nobody feels good after a coke run.....you are depleted physically and mentally, and you DO feel like you'd rather die.
the best thing you can do FOR your brother is round up the phone number for Narcotics Anonymous, and maybe the Crisis Line and/or a couple local rehabs. then give that information TO HIM and let go.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
How do all of you address his behaviors? Like when he asked his GF to lie for him, did she? Did she just tell you and ask that you don"t say anything? How do you address his talk of suicide? Are you finding that all of you are walking around on egg shells so not to make HIS situation worse by confrontation ? What boundaries have any of you established with him?
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