Pillow

I can't change him. I can't and I won't.
Today I need to remind myself of this.

Yesterday sucked.
Today was supposed to be a good day..
Today I can't tell if he's being honest or lying.
Today I can't even bring myself to overanalyze or fixate on the situation.
Today I'm just tired. Tired of loving an addict or recovering addict - I don't even know.
Today I just want to continue crying and hope God has a plan for me.

Thanks SR for allowing me to just ramble about my feelings.

Sephra

It's exhausting. All of it. I wish I had something better to offer you. If I did, I probably wouldn't be on here looking for answers to the same things you are.
Maybe if you are wondering/hoping if/that God has a plan for you... it's time to start developing your own plan. You can't turn off your feelings or stop loving your addict. But you can figure out if you want to continue live with addiction in your life. Sadly, there is going to be hurt either way. I think a lot of my problem ends up with the feeling there is no control. I cant control my loved one, or their addiction, or my feelings about it. I can end it and walk away until (if ever) active addiction is no longer present. But that's about all I can do, or stay in the situation. Either way I feel I lose. Logically, I know which is healthier for me. Emotionally, not that easy.
I know, not very helpful. I just want you to know, that I read your pain, and felt it with you. I hope you are having a better day. Know this, we have more strength than we are aware of. And know, that you are a good person, dealing with an awful situation.

Pillow

Sephra,

As selfish as it sounds, it's nice to know someone understands. I think we all know what is "right" it's just a matter of taking the steps. I have a hard time because the "what if" starts to kick in.