Wtf just happened?!

Old 11-01-2016, 01:11 AM
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Wtf just happened?!

It's been kind of weird lately, maybe the past 2 weeksish. I'm pretty cooperative about him and he girls seeing each other. Last week, I took the girls out there and we were all supposed to do lunch. We got there about 1pm, picked him up from work, and he said he needed to pick his bike up from a friends...didn't want to drive it after drinking. He said it was about 4 miles away. So we headed that way...past the 4 miles..overshot by like 4 miles. Had to turn around and he told me to park around the corner so no one knew he was taking his bike (why??) It was just weird, fishy. So I parked around the corner. He came around the corner and I follwed him back to where he is staying to drop his bike off. Not only was this about a 30 mile round trip, me and the girls waited outside for over 20 minutes for him to come back out to leave. Said dudes wife wouldn't stop talking. At this point im fed up...so we went to McDonald's with the girls instead of olive garden like they wanted to. Didn't have time with the 3 bs hours of driving him around. When we dropped him off he asked for $12 to do his plates on his bike. Because his money went to rent and Yada Yada yada. I gave in, was just like whatever. This situation pissed me off.

However, what happened tonight, I'm not sure if there are words for how I feel. Took him 5 hours to get here (driving should have been 45min-1rs tops). Told me he was leaving soon in the morning. 5 hours later he finally shows up. He didn't really pay attention to the girls. He argues that. I had school tonight so he was with my mom and the girls tonight. Girls got dressed in their costumes before I left for school and apparently he was in the bathroom for 15 minutes. They were waiting on him to go trick or treating. So I get home from school and I'm in the bathroom and notice my jewelry cases are moved along with a few other items around there. My first thought was darn kids, until I opened one of hem to put something back in it and I noticed the engagement is missing along with my mother in laws ring on a chain. My thoughts switched from darn kids to wtf, xaf? If it were the kids, I'm sure I would have been able to find them out in the open. They don't normally stash things, they dont even play in my cases! I of course questioned...and maybe accused him. And you know what, if you're going to take them, just tell me, and I'd let them go.
Who can guess what happens next?
He denies it.
Things just don't match up. My first instinct is him. On soo many different things. He doesn't get it!
But wtf just happened?!

There's no way he's not using. Am I right?! I feel so stupid, even though I've had my suspicions, I didn't believe them. But is there such a thing where no matter what, you always blame them first? I wouldn't blame him if I didn't have a reason and I think my reasons are pretty legit. He passed out, maybe nodded off, when he first got to the house. I was told he nodded off later after they got back from trick or treating. I found open candy all over my room, living room was a mess, kitchen a mess. I walked in from school a little after 11pm to my youngest awake, sitting in the recliner with a yogurt, spilled all over her and the chair. And xaf standing up and he looked like he just woke up.
How can a parent be like him? The girls are amazing!! And he does that?
Man, I'm not going to be so cooperative anymore. Efforts on him, not me.

Long vent, sorry, but seriously, I'm still thinking wtf?!
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Old 11-01-2016, 02:24 AM
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Iwish,

Sorry you are dealing w this.

Sounds pretty bad.

I would run away from my wife if she started pulling stunts like that.

I never had much patience for such things.

Prayers

Thanks.
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Old 11-01-2016, 05:25 AM
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Iwishonstars.......from where I sit, it sounds like you pretty much know what is going on...but, are really loathe to accept it......
I know how you feel.....and, I am so sorry that you and the girls are going thorough this.....
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Old 11-01-2016, 05:58 AM
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This is all worst-case addict behaviour and I hope you will keep yourself and your children safe from this man...as in no contact at all.

When he went for the bike, you can believe there was more involved...he may have let them hold the bike for dope and then not paid the money owing...or something as dangerous...and there could have been violence or the police could have become involved...and you and your children would have been right in the middle of it all. You could have been charged because you were driving and your girls could have been taken away from you. I don't mean to alarm or upset you, but it is THIS serious.

Your jewelery has probably been pawned for dope money too, this is textbook active addict behaviour and you don't need to prove it to know it.

Sweetie, I know you are trying to make some kind of good relationship between this man and your daughters, but it is simply not possible while he is in active addiction. His word means nothing, saying he's clean never makes it so.

Please put on the brakes and keep your daughters and yourself a safe distance from him and his addict behaviours. It will only get worse and I fear for all of you.

Hugs
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Old 11-01-2016, 06:25 AM
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You know he is using. 15 minutes in the bathroom. All too familiar. Jewelry missing? Same. Shady behavior. You know it all adds up. I'm so sorry. Hugs and prayers for you.
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Old 11-01-2016, 07:05 AM
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Perhaps it's time to acknowledge what your eyes and gut are telling you and take action?
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Old 11-01-2016, 08:32 AM
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What happened was you came thisclose to losing your kids.

Iwish,

It's time.

You know, I don't think I ever talked about what brought me to this forum. I used to frequent a different forum when I was having doubts about leaving my husband. Then another member came on and said that she'd reported me to the mods, and that she'd recommended they look up my ISP and report me to CPS, because if I wasn't going to leave my ex after all this I deserved to have my kids taken away. I still don't think she was right for doing that- but it helped me to wake up... a little. It still took time, sadly. It's such a process, because we become so distrusting of ourselves. But somehow we have to fight through the fog.

I'm so thankful that my children weren't taken from me. I know I got lucky.

Please be careful.
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Old 11-01-2016, 09:35 AM
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All of you are so right, thank you for the reminding. This is where I feel my old self coming back, being quick to blame without another thought in my mind.

How embarrassing it is to admit I found the rings. Actually my daughter handed them to my mom...she had them in her pocket (panties). I need to talk to her when I get home from work.

Now being that I accused him and it wasn't him, makes me think not all I think is true. I hate that I quickly blame him. That's just me being me knowing what I knew. I feel horrible. I'M not sure how to apologize because I believe he deserves an apology about the rings atleast. Ugh. WHY me?!?!
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Old 11-01-2016, 09:45 AM
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Hey, you have EVERY RIGHT to think that something that looks like a duck and quacks is a duck, this time it just happened to be a duck call instead of the actual duck. Don't feel bad about jumping to that conclusion. It WAS the obvious. If there had not been so much that had gone on before, you would have had no reason to even go there.
Trying to figure out truth from lies is not going to be 100% all the time (addicts get good at what they do) and it makes you crazy. Go easy on yourself. This is NOT your fault.
Is it being "quick to blame" or trying hard to protect you and your daughters when your not exactly sure where the hit is coming from or when.
Whether she had the rings or not, is not to say if he is using or not. Trust your gut.
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Old 11-01-2016, 10:20 AM
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Now being that I accused him and it wasn't him, makes me think not all I think is true. I hate that I quickly blame him. That's just me being me knowing what I knew. I feel horrible. I'M not sure how to apologize because I believe he deserves an apology about the rings atleast. Ugh. WHY me?!?!
How about you apologize to him right after he apologizes to you for bringing you and his children to a drug deal!!

Regardless that you found the rings, he’s still using and dragging you and the children right along with it.
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Old 11-01-2016, 11:48 AM
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I remember a member here from a few years back, she had spent a year in jail and lost her children because she had answered the phone and taken a message for her addict husband to call someone (who turned out to be a dealer). Something that simple, and sadly normal in the events of a day for someone living with an addict...changed her life forever. She was charged for "knowing" about the criminal activity that was going on.

Driving to drug deals, however unknowingly, could put your life and the life of your children in serious jeopardy.

You don't have to be right about everything you think he does or doesn't do. He is actively using drugs, you know that and that's enough.

What you choose to do about it may change your life and the lives of your children forever...for better or for worse...the choice is yours alone.

My heart hurts for you, I know this cannot be easy. But I worry for you too because I have seen where this kind of thinking can take you and it isn't pretty.

Hugs
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Old 11-02-2016, 09:10 AM
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My daughter is a heroin addict. She stole all my jewelry and some of my husband's. I still left things lying around, I don't know why. I wanted to be able to trust her. My watch went missing. Of course I thought she stole it. I told her so. The watch turned up and I said sorry that I thought you stole it, but I'm sure you understand why I thought you did. She understood. This whole thing is so hard and unnatural. I wish you the best. He's using by the way. Keep you kids away from him.
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