My boyfriends going to rehab
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 2
My boyfriends going to rehab
To start off, I want everyone to know I do not do stuff like this. I keep to my self and don't ever open up.
My boyfriend is going away to rehab today. I do not use and I honestly knew nothing about drugs until I found out he used. I've been looking online reading posts to try to reassure myself everything will be okay, but not one post I've read had a positive outcome of the relationship working. Im so confident in him that he will get better, but I'm scared of a relapse or that I may not be able to trust him again. I'm writing this post and I hope to only have positive replies.
My boyfriend is addicted to opiates. Oxycodone to be specific. If anyone can relate or has a positive outcome of any addiction relationship being successful I would love to hear your stories, because I need all the reassurance I can get at this point.
How do you regain trust back with out triggering any frustration or relapse? What are my limits? Can I ask where he was or who he's talking too? Do I not ask?
I know that addiction is a disease and it consumes and takes over the persons life and if they seek out to go to rehab it's a HUGE step. I'm so proud of my boyfriend and he knows that. He started off going to meetings that were outpatient and he had a couple family meetings he wanted me to come too. I went and learned so much. Once he realized that wasn't enough to help him, he decided to go to inpatient. I've never given him money, taken him to get drugs, or gave him the benefit of the doubt when he did. I feel like I'm not co-dependent or enabling, but I know a personal opinion can be biased. My biggest fear is im going to trigger a relapse or enable him. I know the addiction is not my fault, but I want to make sure I'm not doing anything that could trigger anything. I am going to go to NA meetings while he's gone to get as much input as possible because I want to do anything I can to understand the hardship he's enduring.
So please any positive outcomes or similar situations would help a lot!
My boyfriend is going away to rehab today. I do not use and I honestly knew nothing about drugs until I found out he used. I've been looking online reading posts to try to reassure myself everything will be okay, but not one post I've read had a positive outcome of the relationship working. Im so confident in him that he will get better, but I'm scared of a relapse or that I may not be able to trust him again. I'm writing this post and I hope to only have positive replies.
My boyfriend is addicted to opiates. Oxycodone to be specific. If anyone can relate or has a positive outcome of any addiction relationship being successful I would love to hear your stories, because I need all the reassurance I can get at this point.
How do you regain trust back with out triggering any frustration or relapse? What are my limits? Can I ask where he was or who he's talking too? Do I not ask?
I know that addiction is a disease and it consumes and takes over the persons life and if they seek out to go to rehab it's a HUGE step. I'm so proud of my boyfriend and he knows that. He started off going to meetings that were outpatient and he had a couple family meetings he wanted me to come too. I went and learned so much. Once he realized that wasn't enough to help him, he decided to go to inpatient. I've never given him money, taken him to get drugs, or gave him the benefit of the doubt when he did. I feel like I'm not co-dependent or enabling, but I know a personal opinion can be biased. My biggest fear is im going to trigger a relapse or enable him. I know the addiction is not my fault, but I want to make sure I'm not doing anything that could trigger anything. I am going to go to NA meetings while he's gone to get as much input as possible because I want to do anything I can to understand the hardship he's enduring.
So please any positive outcomes or similar situations would help a lot!
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: NORTHFIELD
Posts: 188
There is nothing you can do to trigger a relapse. Relapses happen because the addict wants to use again. You could look at them wrong and they could say that is the reason. But it's not. There is nothing a person can do to MAKE someone use, only the person using can choose that.
I get that you love him, but it sounds an awful lot like you are already walking on eggshells.
If we could trigger/make them to use, we could also "make them" get sober/clean, we cant. We don't have that power. We DO have the power to take care of ourselves.
I know you are looking for happy positive supportive responses...
My husband was addicted to opiates for many years, (dr. prescribed in the beginning) , in the end, he decided he was done, and quit them all cold turkey, no meetings, rehabs, nothing. It took him about 6 months to a year to get back to normal. That was about 6+ years ago, and he hasn't used since. And we are still together. It can and does happen. But you need to KNOW there is nothing you can do (or not do) , it's on the addict themselves.
I get that you love him, but it sounds an awful lot like you are already walking on eggshells.
If we could trigger/make them to use, we could also "make them" get sober/clean, we cant. We don't have that power. We DO have the power to take care of ourselves.
I know you are looking for happy positive supportive responses...
My husband was addicted to opiates for many years, (dr. prescribed in the beginning) , in the end, he decided he was done, and quit them all cold turkey, no meetings, rehabs, nothing. It took him about 6 months to a year to get back to normal. That was about 6+ years ago, and he hasn't used since. And we are still together. It can and does happen. But you need to KNOW there is nothing you can do (or not do) , it's on the addict themselves.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Msarotte,
Like Sephra said, "If we could trigger/make them to use, we could also "make them" get sober/clean, we cant. We don't have that power."
This is true beyond a doubt.
For the most part you cannot trust what an addict in active addiction says, a more reliable measure is what they actually do. ON HIS OWN your boyfriend tried a few meetings, and some family meetings which he invited you to, finally decided that he needed to go to an in-patient facility. I would take this as very encouraging because he can go to out patient meeting and family meetings and continue to use; he KNOWS that when he goes to an in-patient rehab he will detox and withdraw (not pleasant), yet he is apparently determined to go - a positive thing in terms of his recovery.
Also from Sephra, "We DO have the power to take care of ourselves."
NA meetings can be very enlightening, as can reading the NA Basic Text, however, you need to look out for YOU. I am a big fan of Nar-Anon for that purpose, but Al-Anon and Celebrate Recovery can also work for you.
Lastly, a wise and sage lady once posted here at SR: "If love could cure our addicts, not a one of us would be here." As much as you would like to, you cannot cure him - that is his choice; it sounds like he is on the right path for now, you need to step aside onto YOUR path and let him follow his path.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Like Sephra said, "If we could trigger/make them to use, we could also "make them" get sober/clean, we cant. We don't have that power."
This is true beyond a doubt.
For the most part you cannot trust what an addict in active addiction says, a more reliable measure is what they actually do. ON HIS OWN your boyfriend tried a few meetings, and some family meetings which he invited you to, finally decided that he needed to go to an in-patient facility. I would take this as very encouraging because he can go to out patient meeting and family meetings and continue to use; he KNOWS that when he goes to an in-patient rehab he will detox and withdraw (not pleasant), yet he is apparently determined to go - a positive thing in terms of his recovery.
Also from Sephra, "We DO have the power to take care of ourselves."
NA meetings can be very enlightening, as can reading the NA Basic Text, however, you need to look out for YOU. I am a big fan of Nar-Anon for that purpose, but Al-Anon and Celebrate Recovery can also work for you.
Lastly, a wise and sage lady once posted here at SR: "If love could cure our addicts, not a one of us would be here." As much as you would like to, you cannot cure him - that is his choice; it sounds like he is on the right path for now, you need to step aside onto YOUR path and let him follow his path.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It is a good sign that he has chosen to go to meetings and now rehab.
Many of us here found our balance again by going to our own meetings. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that help US to cope with life as it is today and find ways to keep our balance, even if they lose theirs. There are other family groups too, maybe check your area and try a few of them to see what one fits and feels good for you.
Nothing we say or don't say, nothing we do or don't do, will make them find recovery or lose it. We simply are not that powerful. Take care of yourself and worry less about "upsetting" him. Recovery will teach him how to handle being upset without using drugs, how to face life on life's terms.
Good luck, and I am glad you joined us.
Many of us here found our balance again by going to our own meetings. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that help US to cope with life as it is today and find ways to keep our balance, even if they lose theirs. There are other family groups too, maybe check your area and try a few of them to see what one fits and feels good for you.
Nothing we say or don't say, nothing we do or don't do, will make them find recovery or lose it. We simply are not that powerful. Take care of yourself and worry less about "upsetting" him. Recovery will teach him how to handle being upset without using drugs, how to face life on life's terms.
Good luck, and I am glad you joined us.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Ditto to everything that was said. PLEASE get the "triggering" worries out of your head. It is very dangerous to even entertain the idea of you being responsible for his using. Because if he does relapse and you find out, he will most definitely try to pin it on you. That's what addicts do- deflect their behavior onto those closest to them.
It's very encouraging that he is choosing to seek help on his own. I know you are asking for positive feedback, but please do be cautious and recognize that relapse is a very real possibility, and happens even to those who are serious about their recovery.
Now is a good time to work on your boundaries, and to identify what you will and will not put up with. There is a fine line to be tread here- if you've done any reading on this forum, you'll see that becoming detectives/drug sniffing dogs has not worked for any of us. You don't want to question his every move- that's not healthy for you and it certainly won't help your relationship. But I do believe in transparency. He needs to understand that you have reason to be cautious, and to respect that. So while you shouldn't necessarily being answering his phone calls for him, or demanding to check his phone every day, I do think extreme secrecy with his phone should be cause for alarm. I think the moment I knew things were over with my ex was when I asked to see a text message he'd received and he threw me to the ground, then held me down until I could barely breathe. I finally realized that all his words about me being the most important thing in his life were just that- words.
Anyway, I hope all goes well for you and him. There are success stories- I'm one of them. Haven't used in over 11 years- I look back on that life and can't even believe it was mine.
All the best.
It's very encouraging that he is choosing to seek help on his own. I know you are asking for positive feedback, but please do be cautious and recognize that relapse is a very real possibility, and happens even to those who are serious about their recovery.
Now is a good time to work on your boundaries, and to identify what you will and will not put up with. There is a fine line to be tread here- if you've done any reading on this forum, you'll see that becoming detectives/drug sniffing dogs has not worked for any of us. You don't want to question his every move- that's not healthy for you and it certainly won't help your relationship. But I do believe in transparency. He needs to understand that you have reason to be cautious, and to respect that. So while you shouldn't necessarily being answering his phone calls for him, or demanding to check his phone every day, I do think extreme secrecy with his phone should be cause for alarm. I think the moment I knew things were over with my ex was when I asked to see a text message he'd received and he threw me to the ground, then held me down until I could barely breathe. I finally realized that all his words about me being the most important thing in his life were just that- words.
Anyway, I hope all goes well for you and him. There are success stories- I'm one of them. Haven't used in over 11 years- I look back on that life and can't even believe it was mine.
All the best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 137
Hi and welcome. I'm very sorry for what brings you here. Unfortunately I can't give you any reassurence, however I believe it might help if you also find help in a form of alanon or therapy, etc.
You should not worry about what you say or ask. You are in relationship and you both should be able to discuss everything that is important to both of you. Maybe he is not in a position to understand at the moment, but that only indicates that he has work to do in himself. I hope that you both can work on yourselves, overcome this and grow stronger. Take care x
You should not worry about what you say or ask. You are in relationship and you both should be able to discuss everything that is important to both of you. Maybe he is not in a position to understand at the moment, but that only indicates that he has work to do in himself. I hope that you both can work on yourselves, overcome this and grow stronger. Take care x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
You can read through what I have been through - in order to still be in a relationship with a recovering addict. If you click on my name and my threads that I have started.
Now my husband is strong in his recovery and Feb will be one year. Hopefully.
Now my husband is strong in his recovery and Feb will be one year. Hopefully.
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