Almost Wish My ex-Friend's Family Were On Here
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by Firesong 
Thanks ... yeah, see, I've never had anyone tell me before to leave them alone. I'd never told anyone else that, either, until I told this guy. We had been such good friends, so close, talking about so many things so honestly (I thought), that I figured he would come to his senses after he got clean, once the right meds kicked in, he would stop being paranoid, stop having to keep so many secrets from so many people, he would feel more relaxed, and he would want to continue being my friend. And I figured his mom and the rest of his family could make up their own minds who they wanted to stay in touch with and who they didn't. I was going by my experience with other friends I have had. A couple of us have had falling-outs, but they never lasted, we got back in touch, and we are still friends. So I figured that was what would happen here, too, because in some ways this guy and I were closer friends than I was with the others.
I hear what people here are saying about his mom and divided loyalties and being caught in the middle. I don't agree that it's valid, but I guess it is what it is. And if she doesn't have the guts to get in touch with me, see how I'm doing; if she doesn't want to hang out anymore, just because her son controls her, well, then, she doesn't have the guts to do that, so that's that.
I hear what people here are saying about his mom and divided loyalties and being caught in the middle. I don't agree that it's valid, but I guess it is what it is. And if she doesn't have the guts to get in touch with me, see how I'm doing; if she doesn't want to hang out anymore, just because her son controls her, well, then, she doesn't have the guts to do that, so that's that.
So, anyways, with regards to his mom: I am wondering if not having enough "guts" (to contact you) is really the issue. It's possible she is simply respecting the boundary he has established. And, I do believe the issue of divided loyalty is very valid. When one of my sisters got divorced, I wouldn't dream of continuing a friendship/relationship with her ex, but my other sister did. It was awkward, to say the least.
It really is sad when close friendships end and other friendships along with them, but you're right, it is what it is. It's hard to accept, but when you reach a place of acceptance, I think you'll know it by the peace you'll feel. I've had trouble accepting some things that happened in my life too, but at the same time I felt powerless to change the outcome, so I had to find acceptance somehow ...Speaking for myself: letting go is a process and not always simple or easy. If he is as you have described him, are you not a bit relieved he's out of your life?
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