Child custody arrangements...what's your experience?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Child custody arrangements...what's your experience?
I believe there may have been a thread similar to this started awhile back but I wanted to start another one to get some current feedback. I am curious as to what others have experienced in their child custody arrangements with their addicted spouse. I will be requesting sole custody with supervised visitation until clean drug tests. Has anyone else went for this and succeeded? I hear it's difficult to get sole custody. I'm really scared about this upcoming "battle", but I will fight as hard as I need to for my kids.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 193
I didn't realize my AH was an alcoholic when we divorced.
What I can share from what my attorney has told me is that it is MUCH HARDER to request a change to the custody agreement once an initial one is started.
And here's what I also know: the court favors continuation of status quo versus making changes. If there is any way to suggest that you begin the process with a mediator, it might feel less threatening to introduce the type of monitoring you are hoping for, e.g. "For now, let's keep the kids at my house and take X steps to make sure that they are OK during your supervision."
Mediation can take many months, and even if it is not successful and you ultimately move into the courts, in that time period you'll be setting up a "status quo" by default.
Mediation is also a ton less expensive and more pleasant than working through the courts, as I tried it both ways - we mediated the JPA and took the MSA/financial settlement to the courts.
What I can share from what my attorney has told me is that it is MUCH HARDER to request a change to the custody agreement once an initial one is started.
And here's what I also know: the court favors continuation of status quo versus making changes. If there is any way to suggest that you begin the process with a mediator, it might feel less threatening to introduce the type of monitoring you are hoping for, e.g. "For now, let's keep the kids at my house and take X steps to make sure that they are OK during your supervision."
Mediation can take many months, and even if it is not successful and you ultimately move into the courts, in that time period you'll be setting up a "status quo" by default.
Mediation is also a ton less expensive and more pleasant than working through the courts, as I tried it both ways - we mediated the JPA and took the MSA/financial settlement to the courts.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Went for it and succeeded - supervised visits, sole custody, drug testing.
The only problem so far is him whining about paying for drug testing, but I just tune it out.
I recommend being assertive about it rather than accommodating, and collecting as much evidence as possible to back up your story.
You may get lucky, depending on where he is in his addiction/recovery visitation may be the least of his worries and he may sign what you put in front of him (as he should!)
Good luck!
The only problem so far is him whining about paying for drug testing, but I just tune it out.
I recommend being assertive about it rather than accommodating, and collecting as much evidence as possible to back up your story.
You may get lucky, depending on where he is in his addiction/recovery visitation may be the least of his worries and he may sign what you put in front of him (as he should!)
Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by Nata1980 
Went for it and succeeded - supervised visits, sole custody, drug testing.
The only problem so far is him whining about paying for drug testing, but I just tune it out.
I recommend being assertive about it rather than accommodating, and collecting as much evidence as possible to back up your story.
You may get lucky, depending on where he is in his addiction/recovery visitation may be the least of his worries and he may sign what you put in front of him (as he should!)
Good luck!
The only problem so far is him whining about paying for drug testing, but I just tune it out.
I recommend being assertive about it rather than accommodating, and collecting as much evidence as possible to back up your story.
You may get lucky, depending on where he is in his addiction/recovery visitation may be the least of his worries and he may sign what you put in front of him (as he should!)
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
I request 10-drug panel, he is supposed to go the same day
He also lives with his relatives who impose very strict rules on him and require him to attend meetings (I trust them) - so that helps. Yesterday night he argued that he did not have money to pay for the test, I have a feeling that my former sister in law had a talk with him and this morning he went to the lab.
I really like my former sister in law, it sucks that I am sort of divorcing her too
He also lives with his relatives who impose very strict rules on him and require him to attend meetings (I trust them) - so that helps. Yesterday night he argued that he did not have money to pay for the test, I have a feeling that my former sister in law had a talk with him and this morning he went to the lab.
I really like my former sister in law, it sucks that I am sort of divorcing her too
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by Nata1980
I request 10-drug panel, he is supposed to go the same day
He also lives with his relatives who impose very strict rules on him and require him to attend meetings (I trust them) - so that helps. Yesterday night he argued that he did not have money to pay for the test, I have a feeling that my former sister in law had a talk with him and this morning he went to the lab.
I really like my former sister in law, it sucks that I am sort of divorcing her too
He also lives with his relatives who impose very strict rules on him and require him to attend meetings (I trust them) - so that helps. Yesterday night he argued that he did not have money to pay for the test, I have a feeling that my former sister in law had a talk with him and this morning he went to the lab.
I really like my former sister in law, it sucks that I am sort of divorcing her too
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
