Mom n Dad supporting eachother...how do I comfort her?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Tacoma, Wa.
Posts: 8
Mom n Dad supporting eachother...how do I comfort her?
I'm the logical one, she's the emotional one...Only with this, she's a strong woman. I'm trying so hard to keep her heart straight and build confidence in her mind about this. But she hurts, and along with the hurt we both have over our daughters addiction, and the life style she is living, my heart hurts for my wife. I don't want to take her pain away, pain is the foundation of the strength she will find. But my heart is so torn in being the logical one. The one that is baring the role of being the one to say "you have to let her fall before she will see". But my wife, every time, goes straight to "she's gonna die". And that reality is real, she could. How do I give her (my wife) the strength she needs and how do I hold it together myself. I so want to swear in this post
I love her so much, I love my daughter so much. I Just need to know how to carry her until she can put this in the right place in her head and heart. Dang It..
I love her so much, I love my daughter so much. I Just need to know how to carry her until she can put this in the right place in her head and heart. Dang It..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 328
DaughtersDad,
I highly encourage a face to face meeting. Check your area for NarAnon or Al-Anon. It has been a lifesaver for me while dealing with my sons addiction and my husbands alcoholism. I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. Keep posting and reading. You are not alone!
Jaeger
I highly encourage a face to face meeting. Check your area for NarAnon or Al-Anon. It has been a lifesaver for me while dealing with my sons addiction and my husbands alcoholism. I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. Keep posting and reading. You are not alone!
Jaeger
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
You are definitely not alone! Have her jump on also. A mothers pain thru this feels gigantic cause we fix we take care of and we cant.....not with this disease but I do agree with Jaeger meetings have been amazing for me to keep my sanity.....I have two in rehab as we speak and I don't know what is next but I know they have to fight hard for themselves and I cant fix this.... my partner doesn't know what to do with me at times and I tell him just hold my hand, walk next to me, you cant fix me, but love me and hold me while I learn how to fix myself.
Meetings are key keep coming back on here this site has saved me so many times keep reading..... hugs to you and your wife
Meetings are key keep coming back on here this site has saved me so many times keep reading..... hugs to you and your wife
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Dad, glad you found this forum.
Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us. Maybe find a meeting in your area and give ot a try. Try several until you find one that fits. Family counseling with an addiction counselor may help too.
There is a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie that is one if the clearest, most well written books I have read on codependency.
There is a lot of good information in the Sticky Threads at the top of this forum. Give it a read when you have time.
You can have a happy home again but it may take a little work for the healing to begin.
Hugs
Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us. Maybe find a meeting in your area and give ot a try. Try several until you find one that fits. Family counseling with an addiction counselor may help too.
There is a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie that is one if the clearest, most well written books I have read on codependency.
There is a lot of good information in the Sticky Threads at the top of this forum. Give it a read when you have time.
You can have a happy home again but it may take a little work for the healing to begin.
Hugs
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Here are some links to the Salvation Army programs in the northwest. Hope it helps.
The Salvation Army - Adult Rehabilitation
Northwest Division - A Client's Story
Northwest Division - Social Services Offices
Northwest Division - Social Services Offices
The Salvation Army - Adult Rehabilitation
Northwest Division - A Client's Story
Northwest Division - Social Services Offices
Northwest Division - Social Services Offices
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Daughtersdad,
First welcome to the forum from another "daughter's dad". We are glad you are here and sorry that you need to be.
My wife and are are both big fans of Nar-Anon and credit them with salvaging / restoring / maintaining our sanity.
There are three active Nar-Anon groups in Tacoma and one in Gig Harbor. The traditional wisdom is that you should attend at least six meetings before you decide if the program is for you and chose a home group. Be aware that the different groups will have different "personalities" or cultures and you need to find the one that suits your and your wife's temperament.
What you will find in all of the rooms is a group of totally unshockable, non-judgmental, people that have already been there and done that -- they know exactly what you are experiencing with your daughter. They will understand all of your frustration, fears, guilt and anger. Keep in mind that the "meeting-after-the-meeting" will be just as helpful as the main meeting, perhaps even more, so stick around afterwards.
A little story which pretty much sums up the Nar-Anon experience for me: I found out my daughter was addicted to heroin. I told a person at my work that I thought was a friend - they told me I must be a terrible parent and should be ashamed of my parenting skills. I went to a Nar-Anon meeting and told a room full of total strangers that my daughter was a heroin addict, they gave me hugs and told me to keep coming back.
On the topic of your daughter's addiction, I will start with the three C's of Nar-Anon -- you did not Cause it, you cannot Control it, and you cannot Cure it.
Nar-Anon meets tonight at 6:30, Manitou Presbyterian Church, 6612 South Cheyenne Street in Tacoma. Other local meetings are listed
at Find a Meeting ? Nar-Anon Family Groups
Keep coming back,
Jim
First welcome to the forum from another "daughter's dad". We are glad you are here and sorry that you need to be.
My wife and are are both big fans of Nar-Anon and credit them with salvaging / restoring / maintaining our sanity.
There are three active Nar-Anon groups in Tacoma and one in Gig Harbor. The traditional wisdom is that you should attend at least six meetings before you decide if the program is for you and chose a home group. Be aware that the different groups will have different "personalities" or cultures and you need to find the one that suits your and your wife's temperament.
What you will find in all of the rooms is a group of totally unshockable, non-judgmental, people that have already been there and done that -- they know exactly what you are experiencing with your daughter. They will understand all of your frustration, fears, guilt and anger. Keep in mind that the "meeting-after-the-meeting" will be just as helpful as the main meeting, perhaps even more, so stick around afterwards.
A little story which pretty much sums up the Nar-Anon experience for me: I found out my daughter was addicted to heroin. I told a person at my work that I thought was a friend - they told me I must be a terrible parent and should be ashamed of my parenting skills. I went to a Nar-Anon meeting and told a room full of total strangers that my daughter was a heroin addict, they gave me hugs and told me to keep coming back.
On the topic of your daughter's addiction, I will start with the three C's of Nar-Anon -- you did not Cause it, you cannot Control it, and you cannot Cure it.
Nar-Anon meets tonight at 6:30, Manitou Presbyterian Church, 6612 South Cheyenne Street in Tacoma. Other local meetings are listed
at Find a Meeting ? Nar-Anon Family Groups
Keep coming back,
Jim
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear DD, it is a terrible situation to love an addict, and oh so hard when its your child. I am so happy that you are supporting your wife through this. My son's addiction nearly destroyed my marriage because of my codependency and my husbands detachment. It has been a 6 year run but I will say that over time, I did learn that letting go was the only way I could survive. AND when I let go and let God, then JJ would find his way to rehab. PLEASE educate yourself on addiction and how the addicts will manipulate for what they want. Going to meetings is a healing process and you will find so much help there.
Please come back and share whenever you need to. This site was my lifeline in some of the darkest days when my son was missing (almost 5 months!).
Please come back and share whenever you need to. This site was my lifeline in some of the darkest days when my son was missing (almost 5 months!).
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