Strugglingwife7

After a while of being away I thought I would come and revisit where I would read forums and gain an understanding of my ex husband's addiction. I used to come on here a lot seeking answers and if there were others in my situation. I see some are still trying so hard to stick it out and others are also coming for answers.
I want you to know that though I left and finalized the divorce with my ex back in December, the hurt lingers. The pain of watching him hurt himself, step away from our marriage, lie and betray has left some damage on me. I still get nightmares from time to time of that period in my life when it was all too much to bear.
Recently, he joined Facebook and I blocked him. He told me I was bad mouthing him on it (I've never mentioned the word divorce, his addiction, etc., and I think his friends or family I have recently removed as well were just saying that because they're on his side) just that I was alone now and trying to move on with my life and that I was struggling. Though we're divorced, he lingers around. Meanwhile he's had a girlfriend since I left back in June 2015 and he thinks it's all okay even though we didn't file for divorce until August 2015. Yet here I am, still the bad person to him.
Sometimes I wish he would step up and say I'm sorry I hurt you. But I know I will never get that. Not while he thinks he's so much better than me.
I know I'm still struggling. But I also want you all to know despite these small situations above I'm much happier! I eat and enjoy life now, I had lost so much weight from the stress and now put it almost all back on (my friends and family hated seeing me as a skeleton) and am healthy! I've been traveling to new places, I started hiking on my own (I always hated hiking with him but I learned that on my own I LOVE it)! I workout and love myself. I have 2 guys that I'm dating and while a boyfriend sounds okay, I'd like to really really take my time so I can be ready for someone and not just settle because I'm lonely. I love my new life! I find myself missing him still but I also know I did the right thing in finally leaving. I would never have been where I am now, standing on my own 2 feet had I not left. My world is no longer depressed, sad and filled with arguments, searching or detective work. I spend my nights quietly journaling my dreams, hopes and wishes. I take baths and instead of crying like I used to, I laugh and watch the shows I love on Netflix! I can wake up and workout, go on a hike, lay in bed, drink coffee or whatever it is I want to do! No more rehab, did he attend the meetings, is he using, secrets, hiding and drug use. It's gone!
You CAN do it. You can leave and be fine. The hurt will linger but it will get less over time. The pain will linger but you're hurting either way. If you cannot get out, take a walk and journal! Find some peace in a spot to catch your breath. I hope that you whoever is reading this find peace and love. There is a rainbow after the storm.

No longer a wife, still struggling but much stronger!

hopepraylove

I could have wrote your post. God bless and congrats xx

hopeful4

Good update! Things don't get better overnight, it takes time. However, it sounds like you are marching forward in the right direction. Keep taking good care of you. Eventually you won't care what he thinks about you, I promise. And....take a look at my signature, it's so true!

Hugs!