Does I do a terrible thing today?
trying to mend
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Where the Wild Things Are
Posts: 105
Does I do a terrible thing today?
Sorry, for that title: I know it should be "Did" I do a terrible thing today?
I feel horrible, awful!
It's a story that has taken years to get to this point, so I won't start at the beginning, but this morning, I walked up on my youngest son with drugs, I think meth in a tiny little bag.
I wanted him to give it to me. I did not want to let him leave with it. I told him that I love him enough to call the police because at least if he is locked up, he can't use, but I know from experience that jail, prison, or even rehabs don't work. I told him that I would not let him go, that it was a battle between the drugs and me and that I am stronger than the drugs. I would stay there all day if that is what it took, but he said he would just get more, isn't ready to stop, can't handle his job or his life if he quits cold turkey. He did not get angry, was sad and sorry, did not try to deny it, but after a very lengthy conversation and a ton of tears, I told him that if he is choosing that kind of life, he is not welcome at my home, and he said he understands. He left. :-(
He is 31, married, two daughters and a baby on the way.
My heart is hurting so very bad.
My oldest son has been in a methodone clinic for about 4 years and believes he can't live without it. Our 18 year old daughter has mental problems and is on lithium and seroquel, has been in and out of facilities for the past two years, and I just can't stand all of this anymore. I have to put on a brave face, but inside, I am all mush.
I promsie I didn't raise them to be this way. We did not use drugs or even drink, but I still feel so desperately responsible as a mother because this has been going on since their teenage years.
I want to fix it!!
This is just horrible. Will it ever get any better? Ever?
I feel horrible, awful!
It's a story that has taken years to get to this point, so I won't start at the beginning, but this morning, I walked up on my youngest son with drugs, I think meth in a tiny little bag.
I wanted him to give it to me. I did not want to let him leave with it. I told him that I love him enough to call the police because at least if he is locked up, he can't use, but I know from experience that jail, prison, or even rehabs don't work. I told him that I would not let him go, that it was a battle between the drugs and me and that I am stronger than the drugs. I would stay there all day if that is what it took, but he said he would just get more, isn't ready to stop, can't handle his job or his life if he quits cold turkey. He did not get angry, was sad and sorry, did not try to deny it, but after a very lengthy conversation and a ton of tears, I told him that if he is choosing that kind of life, he is not welcome at my home, and he said he understands. He left. :-(
He is 31, married, two daughters and a baby on the way.
My heart is hurting so very bad.
My oldest son has been in a methodone clinic for about 4 years and believes he can't live without it. Our 18 year old daughter has mental problems and is on lithium and seroquel, has been in and out of facilities for the past two years, and I just can't stand all of this anymore. I have to put on a brave face, but inside, I am all mush.
I promsie I didn't raise them to be this way. We did not use drugs or even drink, but I still feel so desperately responsible as a mother because this has been going on since their teenage years.
I want to fix it!!
This is just horrible. Will it ever get any better? Ever?
Last edited by brokenheart; 07-15-2016 at 09:35 AM. Reason: Correction
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: NORTHFIELD
Posts: 188
You did the right thing.
You DID.
As hard as it was, you did it. I'm sorry that you had to. Unfortunately, you CANT fix it. I know you feel responsible. But where is HIS responsibility? I think that you did the ABSOLUTE BEST possible thing that you could do, in your situation, and I'm proud of you for it. I KNOW it wasn't/isn't easy and that your heart is breaking again and again. Hugs to you. It HAS to get better than this.
You DID.
As hard as it was, you did it. I'm sorry that you had to. Unfortunately, you CANT fix it. I know you feel responsible. But where is HIS responsibility? I think that you did the ABSOLUTE BEST possible thing that you could do, in your situation, and I'm proud of you for it. I KNOW it wasn't/isn't easy and that your heart is breaking again and again. Hugs to you. It HAS to get better than this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think you did the right thing.
You stated your boundary of not wanting a drug addict in your home.
As hard as it was for you to say those words the real hard part is sticking to it. And I know you can do that.
((hugs))
You stated your boundary of not wanting a drug addict in your home.
As hard as it was for you to say those words the real hard part is sticking to it. And I know you can do that.
((hugs))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You did the right thing and my prayers go out that he finds a better path soon.
I know the pain of an addicted child because I went through all this with my son. I cannot even begin to comprehend how hard it must be for parents with more than one child who struggle...and I see it happen often.
You are a good mother, you did the kindest most loving thing a mother can do...you let your child stand on his own two feet and take responsibility for his life.
Huge hugs from this mama's heart to yours.
I know the pain of an addicted child because I went through all this with my son. I cannot even begin to comprehend how hard it must be for parents with more than one child who struggle...and I see it happen often.
You are a good mother, you did the kindest most loving thing a mother can do...you let your child stand on his own two feet and take responsibility for his life.
Huge hugs from this mama's heart to yours.
trying to mend
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Where the Wild Things Are
Posts: 105
Thank all of you so much for your kind words.
Teary eyes and an aching heart are my diet these days. I
I know I can't fix addiction, but I desperately want to. Drug addiction has had such a terrible impact on our family, and I pray that somehow, some way, they find their way out of it.
Teary eyes and an aching heart are my diet these days. I
I know I can't fix addiction, but I desperately want to. Drug addiction has had such a terrible impact on our family, and I pray that somehow, some way, they find their way out of it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 168
If you ever question whether you made the right choice or not, ask yourself, "Compared to kicking him out, what would be the alternative?". Letting him live with you while using... I don't think I need to get into the horrors of that, as I'm sure you've already lived them. I always remind myself that for any choice there is an alternative (even if I won't take it), to re-affirm I made the right choice.
He is well aware of what he is doing, and ONLY HE is responsible for his actions. You have no part in your children's drug use, so I urge you to let that go (fun idea: release balloons into the sky, if you want). If they do blame you, understand that this is an addict's favorite game - if it's someone else's fault, the addict can live in self-pity longer and justify their using (personal experience lol).
Good luck, and take care of yourself.
He is well aware of what he is doing, and ONLY HE is responsible for his actions. You have no part in your children's drug use, so I urge you to let that go (fun idea: release balloons into the sky, if you want). If they do blame you, understand that this is an addict's favorite game - if it's someone else's fault, the addict can live in self-pity longer and justify their using (personal experience lol).
Good luck, and take care of yourself.
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