How I'm Doing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 213
How I'm Doing
Sober Recovery says it hasn't heard from me in awhile and invites me to post and let it know how I'm doing.
I'm not doing well.
I'm getting old and I've lost all my friends. My XRA friend, my oldest friend who was the only person I could talk to about my XRA friend (and really couldn't talk much, not let alone that he was an addict or anything about his past). A new acquaintance who I thought was becoming a friend. I friend I have never met but who said I could write to her and tell her about my XRA friend and what he had done to me. So I wrote her and I never heard back from her. So I wrote again to see if she had gotten my first e-mail and she ignored that one too. She has never not gotten any e-mails from her; she just wanted to pretend I hadn't written these two.
Then I had two acquaintances near here who are sort of like friends, and I think one is using again and is acting too inconsistent for me to want to deal with; and the other kept saying she would rather hang out with me than with her friends who do nothing but sit around drinking and talking about each other's spouses and their own health problems. But what she really wants to do is hang out with them and drink and she makes no effort to be with me or call me. And I don't want to hang out with them (I don't drink or like to talk about health problems).
And my other friends that I had before I moved to another town don't call me anymore and they're so busy with their own families I don't know when to call them. "The only way to have a friend is to be one" but they're not being friends to me and when I try to be a friend to them they obviously don't give a damn.
I have been praying a lot more (which is good -- will always have that one Friend), and I still have a good old friend who lives 4,000 miles away (can't get together with him).
I'm not doing well.
I'm getting old and I've lost all my friends. My XRA friend, my oldest friend who was the only person I could talk to about my XRA friend (and really couldn't talk much, not let alone that he was an addict or anything about his past). A new acquaintance who I thought was becoming a friend. I friend I have never met but who said I could write to her and tell her about my XRA friend and what he had done to me. So I wrote her and I never heard back from her. So I wrote again to see if she had gotten my first e-mail and she ignored that one too. She has never not gotten any e-mails from her; she just wanted to pretend I hadn't written these two.
Then I had two acquaintances near here who are sort of like friends, and I think one is using again and is acting too inconsistent for me to want to deal with; and the other kept saying she would rather hang out with me than with her friends who do nothing but sit around drinking and talking about each other's spouses and their own health problems. But what she really wants to do is hang out with them and drink and she makes no effort to be with me or call me. And I don't want to hang out with them (I don't drink or like to talk about health problems).
And my other friends that I had before I moved to another town don't call me anymore and they're so busy with their own families I don't know when to call them. "The only way to have a friend is to be one" but they're not being friends to me and when I try to be a friend to them they obviously don't give a damn.
I have been praying a lot more (which is good -- will always have that one Friend), and I still have a good old friend who lives 4,000 miles away (can't get together with him).
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Firesong, I am sorry your life is so lonely and sad and hope you find your peace soon.
Church and church groups are often a good way to find and make new friends. Also meetings, Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that truly understand your circumstance and where you can make friends.
I know that back in the early days of my recovery I tended to want to stay in my house, it actually made me nervous to go out, I too had moved to a new town where I didn't know anyone. But with baby steps, I finally did and before long I got to know people and make friends too.
Just make the effort and make it again...even when you don't really feel like it. It takes courage but you have more courage than you know. Just one day at a time make your life more sociable and you will find yourself happier and busier than ever.
Hugs
Church and church groups are often a good way to find and make new friends. Also meetings, Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that truly understand your circumstance and where you can make friends.
I know that back in the early days of my recovery I tended to want to stay in my house, it actually made me nervous to go out, I too had moved to a new town where I didn't know anyone. But with baby steps, I finally did and before long I got to know people and make friends too.
Just make the effort and make it again...even when you don't really feel like it. It takes courage but you have more courage than you know. Just one day at a time make your life more sociable and you will find yourself happier and busier than ever.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 168
When my LO first dipped into her bottom, I wanted to isolate from everybody because 'Nobody knows what this is like'. I wasn't any different, but i felt different from everybody. I had to repeat to myself every day, "I am not a victim", because that's how I was starting to live - like a victim.
What saved my sanity was the gym. If you can't go to the gym, get out and go for a walk. Endorphins are a wonderful, glorious thing.
What saved my sanity was the gym. If you can't go to the gym, get out and go for a walk. Endorphins are a wonderful, glorious thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 213
What I want to do is get used to not having any friends. I want to be nicer to myself and not let myself in for any situations or relationships where I can get hurt or dumped again. I need to matter to myself. I know I don't really matter to any of these people I know, and I don't want them to matter so much to me.
I can live without them and I need to remember that. I'd rather live without any friends than live with the pain of being dumped.
I can live without them and I need to remember that. I'd rather live without any friends than live with the pain of being dumped.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 168
Human beings aren't meant to live in isolation. I used to react to getting hurt by wanting to isolate, too - I thought if I don't associate with people, then I won't get hurt. But then this creates it's own problems. Now, I look at getting hurt as a life lesson - I learn what I can, and move on. Over time, I learn who I can trust and who I can't.
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