Ann

Sometimes it's hard to find the words to say "no" so I thought I'd start some suggestions.

I am sorry for your problems and hope you figure something out...but I cannot help you.

I have no money. (repeat as needed)

That's too bad, but no.

You cannot live here, no. (repeat as needed)

There are consequences for your actions and I cannot interfere with the outcome...no.

I have responsibilities at work/home and cannot leave, you will have to figure something out yourself, no.

I will not lend you money, I have my own commitments to meet, no.

I cannot pay your bills, I can hardly pay my own, no.

I am unable to bail you out, no.

I will not listen to you holler in anger, no.

Anyone else? Please add your own "how to say "no" and mean it. Aw, come on, give it a shot!

Opivotal

Gosh Ann, that's an awesome list.

I have my thinking cap on. lol

Dreamcatcher44

Thanks Ann! Great suggestions

suki44883

I'd love to help you out here, Ann, but, no.

Opivotal

WeakGirl

What an awesome post!

Chino

This is my favorite and it's a sign in my home office too:

Lack of planning on you part does not constitute an emergency on mine... NO.

Ann

I love it, Chino.

Suki, you never fail to bring a big smile.

Another...

Am I crazy, imagining drugs are in my house...heck NO!

Will I pay your dealer so he doesn't break your arm? NO (I've heard that one too many times).

Can you take my grocery money and do the shopping for me? NO.

Thlayli

If this is a hijack and I need to start another thread for this please tell me. I love the list but what do you do about drugs or alcohol in the house? I'm pretty sure I'm going home today to a stoned husband. I've told him before I'm not okay with him having drugs in the house but I'm not sure how to actually stop him (short of throwing them away, which I've done before but the searching and stuff is a co-dependent no-no, right?)

hope778

THANK YOU Ann, and every one else! Glad I am not the only one who has actually heard these words come out of my mouth...

hope778

Unfortunately telling him you're not ok with it will not sway him. Saying isn't enough. You must do. You must act. Tell him what you expect, if he fails, have a consequence. I.e. go stay with someone else until he is clean. Go to treatment. etc... Stay strong.

Plink

I had to use this one just about 1 hour ago when AS called and he and his "girlfriend" needed a ride.....
I'm sorry no, I cannot do that it makes me feel unsafe.

suki44883

thequest

I've found just saying no on the small things one at a time just to let them know they won't get everything they ask for/want AND more importantly their schtick will not work on you.

Saying no is not just one big battle, saying no is or could become a daily task(practice makes perfect). Don't have to scream or yell but by say and sticking by no a message will be sent.

Ann

Suki, lol, love that list (and am stealing it for my treasures).

Thequest, you make a good point. "No" is understood as a whisper as much as a shout. Actually, shouting makes is less firm, it shows we are out of control...and therefore more easily controlled by another.

Not today, actually not anytime soon, no!

No, call 911 and see how you make out there.

Calling me names will gain you no favour...NO! And goodbye.

No, I will not do for you what you should do for yourself.

No, I will not call and tell anyone you're sick.

Cosign a loan? Ummm, NO!

Oh someone stop me, lol, so many "no's", so little time.

Ann

Good one, Plink. Coming from a mama it carries even more weight...it's not nice to make us mamas feel unsafe.

Ann

Thlayli, how about "Hell, NO" and throw them out anyway?

When my son lived with me, this was a boundary (no drugs in my home) and I added that in my home if I suspect there are drugs being hidden, I would find them and throw them away or call the police and tell them who had them and then ask the person who brought them there to move out immediately.

If you have children, this is even more dangerous. In many states you could go to jail just for knowing the drugs were in your home...we had more than one member who had that happen.

No is a small word but very hard to say....practice makes perfect.

Ann

Good facial expression helps too.

hope778

These are cracking me up

maimaitreya

I will no longer be a victim, NO.