Why does Crack Always Win?

Old 05-23-2016, 01:39 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Queenbee7's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: My Hive
Posts: 81
Why does Crack Always Win?

My husband was out of jail for one week when he left to go to a job interview, he gave me a big hug and told me he would be home early since we had church plans that evening. By the time dinner rolled around I knew. I didn't want to believe it, but i knew in my gut what was happening.
I had stupidly rented him a car, he had asked and asked me to do that for him so he could run errands and look for work and arrange for a sober living program. I couldn't understand why we couldn't run those errands together in our family car, but hey since this was our "fresh start" at a new happy life together I agreed to rent it. He had spent his 47 days in jail calling me, flooding my mail box with love letters, and promising, promising, promising me that the past was the past and our future together would be amazing, healthy, no more lies and of course no more drugs.
So I stopped the divorce proceedings. Our marriage had only lasted two months before I had to kick him out and up until he was arrested he was living in his car smoking crack.
Anyways the time he spent in jail was actually a wonderful time for our marriage. Sounds strange huh? But he called me every other day and we had wonderful conversations and sent love letters back and forth. Both of us dreamed of a beautiful future together. He sounded like the man I fell in love with and married.
Now fast forward to a week after he left and the hours tick by but my husband doesn't return home. Our kids start to ask those questions I HATE about where dad is?! The sad thing is I convinced my kids that they could love and trust him again cause things were going to be different this time. And as kids do they opened their little hearts and breathed easy that dad was back for good.
Next morning with still no word from my H, I went about running my errands in town and thought I spotted the rental car he took and actually did a high speed chase after it. Boy was I proud of myself when I caught up to it only to discover it was two old ladies. Oh man I thought what am I doing? Finally he texted me to tell me where I could find the car. And of course there was evidence of him doing drugs in it.
Oh and the worst part of this situation is my H was released with an ankle monitor and he cut it off that night and threw it in a dumpster. He is still currently on the run. It's been 6 days. He had a home and wife and family. He had a new job opportunity and the sober living program called that same night he never returned and left a message with me that offered him a bed. He called me since being on the run and claimed it was a police conspiracy against him. ( He has always had major delusions) But I changed my telephone number and refuse to go deeper down this dark road with him. Tell me why does crack always WIN?
Queenbee7 is offline  
Old 05-23-2016, 01:53 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
because crack is one of the most powerfully addictive drugs around. because the addiction is far more mental than it is physical. because crack use rewires the brain and pleasure centers so that the ONLY thing that makes a dent is more crack. because the high is intense but short lived and it's all about MORE. because crack makes you care about only ONE thing......MORE. not health, finances, spouses, children, jobs or even if the house you are sitting in smoking is on fire. not if there's still dope on the plate....

sad to say, but i'd dust off those divorce papers and proceed. he may have been able to SAY nice things to you while in JAIL, but his ACTIONS tell a far different story. the REAL ONE.

really really sorry. your kids deserve better from a father. and you deserve better from a husband than to say the best part of your marriage was when he was locked up.
AnvilheadII is offline  
Old 05-23-2016, 02:04 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Queenbee7's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: My Hive
Posts: 81
Thank you Anvillheadll

Your words are true and mean a lot to me.
Queenbee7 is offline  
Old 05-23-2016, 02:24 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
hope778's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
I can assure you, heroin always wins too. I can assure you that I understand your feelings because of my AH. God DAMN addiction. It takes everything. Everything. I'm so sorry you're having to make such hard decisions at likely the weakest moment in your life.
hope778 is offline  
Old 05-24-2016, 08:43 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by Queenbee7 View Post
My husband was out of jail for one week when he left to go to a job interview, he gave me a big hug and told me he would be home early since we had church plans that evening. By the time dinner rolled around I knew. I didn't want to believe it, but i knew in my gut what was happening.
I had stupidly rented him a car, he had asked and asked me to do that for him so he could run errands and look for work and arrange for a sober living program. I couldn't understand why we couldn't run those errands together in our family car, but hey since this was our "fresh start" at a new happy life together I agreed to rent it. He had spent his 47 days in jail calling me, flooding my mail box with love letters, and promising, promising, promising me that the past was the past and our future together would be amazing, healthy, no more lies and of course no more drugs.
So I stopped the divorce proceedings. Our marriage had only lasted two months before I had to kick him out and up until he was arrested he was living in his car smoking crack.
Anyways the time he spent in jail was actually a wonderful time for our marriage. Sounds strange huh? But he called me every other day and we had wonderful conversations and sent love letters back and forth. Both of us dreamed of a beautiful future together. He sounded like the man I fell in love with and married.
Now fast forward to a week after he left and the hours tick by but my husband doesn't return home. Our kids start to ask those questions I HATE about where dad is?! The sad thing is I convinced my kids that they could love and trust him again cause things were going to be different this time. And as kids do they opened their little hearts and breathed easy that dad was back for good.
Next morning with still no word from my H, I went about running my errands in town and thought I spotted the rental car he took and actually did a high speed chase after it. Boy was I proud of myself when I caught up to it only to discover it was two old ladies. Oh man I thought what am I doing? Finally he texted me to tell me where I could find the car. And of course there was evidence of him doing drugs in it.
Oh and the worst part of this situation is my H was released with an ankle monitor and he cut it off that night and threw it in a dumpster. He is still currently on the run. It's been 6 days. He had a home and wife and family. He had a new job opportunity and the sober living program called that same night he never returned and left a message with me that offered him a bed. He called me since being on the run and claimed it was a police conspiracy against him. ( He has always had major delusions) But I changed my telephone number and refuse to go deeper down this dark road with him. Tell me why does crack always WIN?
Because he made a choice to do it and thought he can probably just do some and get away with it. It makes no sense, so don't try to make sense out of it. My soon to be ex husband spent 2 years in jail, also calling and writing regularly, how different everything will be, our new life, blah, blah, blah. 3 days after he was out and had 2 years clean, he stole from me for his heroin. 2 months ago he got a new job, very good job, better job than he had before, more money and it's right across our house, you can almost walk there. He had this job for 3 days or so, went to work, kissed me, said he loved me and will see me in a couple of hours when he is going to come for lunch. I had exams (online), made him lunch and when he didn't come, I also knew He went on a crack/heroin binge, with some prostitute and some other ppl. Very nasty. I filed for divorce, that was that for me.

We spoke 2 times since I filed, both very unpleasant, but he said that he thought he can just go and do "a little bit" and come back for lunch. It's crazy. Addiction is crazy I am sorry you are going through this
glitterdeva is offline  
Old 05-25-2016, 01:14 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Queenbee7's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: My Hive
Posts: 81
UPDATE: I'm in NEED of much wanted words of wisdom, advice, support!!

I'm lying in my bed writing this post feeling so utterly drained, sad, almost a mourning feeling, I feel confused, my head feels scrambled. Why do I let him do this to me? Why?
My AH has been out of our house for 8 days after a very brief reunion that lasted one whole week. I stuck by his side during his 47 days in jail and he stuck to his promises for 168 hours. It seems almost comical to me right now. I think because of stress and lack of sleep.
I knew it was a gamble that our "happily ever after" would come true, but I guess the deepest part of my soul wanted it more then I let myself believe. Now the truth is slapping me in the face and it hurts so DAMN bad!
I actually handled his initial return to drugs and not being home better then I'm handling this latest incident and I don't know why. My H is not only a major crack user but he is a wanted felon who threw his second chance at life away and is looking at getting some hard time when he finally gets caught.
The day after he stayed out all night I knew in my heart it was over and that I could no longer be in such a one sided relationship. It was painful but it was easy. I knew there was NO chance I would let him back into my house, changed my phone number, ignored all of his tactics to communicate with me, started therapy, joined a gym, just going out my daily life feeling stronger and stronger each day. Feeling good and solid about my decision.
Then suddenly when I was in town last night sitting in a parking lot having just pulled into, he appears and climbs into my front seat wanting to talk. I really couldn't believe my eyes or what was happening. I guess my fantasy was I would never have to deal with him again, but there he sat the man I love and can't have a relationship with in any healthy way. He sat there smiling and trying to hold my hand and bearing me gifts which I refused. Then he started to profess his undying love for me, how he wants all these good things for us, that him not coming home was not his fault and no of course he's not on drugs when he was clearly high right then and there. I have to admit that it make a crack in my Armour and that startled me.
I sat in that car listening longer then I should have because I want sooo badly for it to all be true. Oh OK sorry my mistake, yes come home so we can be a big happy family. I wish I could make it true and so today I ache inside so deeply. He sat there looking handsome, drove up in a nice car, money in his wallet and MAN the words rolled out of his mouth like honey.
When I kept steering the conversation back to the facts he tried to turn the tables on me and make me look like the bad guy. He is a jealous type and doesn't like me on social media sites and accused me of being on one even though my accounts are deactivated. And kept insisting I was and calling me a liar. It was absurd to me that my crack smoking husband who abandoned his family and is a wanted felon would get angry about facebook. It seemed rational to him. In an interesting switch of events his cell phone showed he has been talking to women on facebook and texting women. Of course he said the cell phone was not his but a friend of his. (Also found some condoms in his truck a while back that he says aren't his.. What is your opinion on that? Please I need absolute utter reality shoved in my face right now!!) He says he has never cheated. But he is always gone, gone, gone. So many other instances involving other women that he explains off..Hmmmm.
Anyways after this I calmly told him we were absolutely over and went on my way to my already planned appointment and left him calling after me in the parking lot while I didn't look back and walked on.
Fast forward a few hours and I'm awoken in my bed to him softly throwing pebbles at my window and for some reason I go to him and open the door. There was a resonating of pitty and closeness to him from our earlier encounter that lingered in me.
He steps inside and hugs me tight, then starts looking around the room paranoid (he was obviously coming down) and in the next minute he's chewing me out again about facebook. I spend a ridiculous amount of time defending myself over a nothing of importance matter at 2am trying to prove my loyalty and devotion to this man who walked out on me for drugs. All of a sudden I'm trying to hold his hand and hug him and convince him that yes I really did love you. Next thing you know one thing leads to another and now today I'm dealing with the emotional after math of allowing myself to indulge in closeness with a person I know is so far gone to addiction and really a criminal lifestyle that there is no hope for a healthy relationship. Why did I allow myself to go there??? I'm so mad at myself. Now it's like starting over but harder. I have to "break up" again cause now he thinks theirs hope my own heart is confused and thinks theirs hope BUT my brain knows the truth. Its a deep mourning again for a relationship I wanted so badly but won't get. Why does that mans words have more weight with me then his actions??!! I need some good advice, words of wisdom, support, something kind something blunt PLEASE I just need to hear some words
Queenbee7 is offline  
Old 05-25-2016, 02:05 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
is he OUT of the house now?

you asked for blunt.....goodie, i excel at that!!!

the condoms were HIS.

he has done more that "text" with other women.

he buttered you up, softened you up and got what he wanted....a warm dry place to sleep and a good lay.

we say here to watch their ACTIONS.....instead of listen to their WORDS. like watching a movie with the sound turned OFF.....so you SEE what you SEE without any interference.

what do you see? if you only WATCHED, what do his actions tell you?
AnvilheadII is offline  
Old 05-25-2016, 02:54 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Queenbee......this man will bring you nothing but MORE pain and heartbreak.
Yes, the condoms were his and the phone was his.
He is using you.

The only way to avoid destruction at his hands is to go total No Contact. If you talk to him---you lose (again)......
I am a medical professional....so, I feel an obligation to advise you to get checked out for std's.......
It is impossible to know what diseases he has come in contact with.

You are going to have to face the short-term pain for the long-term gain......

dandylion
dandylion is offline  
Old 05-25-2016, 08:39 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,881
So, so, so painful. Treat yourself like an alcoholic who doesn't even drive down a street with a bar. Have the police on speed dial on your phone.

We get it; we've been there . . .too many times.
Bekindalways is offline  
Old 05-27-2016, 10:26 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 53
Master manipulation...sounds familiar as my ex addict was also a pro at turning on the verbal poetry that melts the heart of all resentment and replaces it with false hope. Intoxicating and we want so bad to beleive it so we lose ourself to the moment and deal with our pain later.

Yes...u already know the answer to ur question. He is cheating. These kind of men always do. He will NEVER admit it either. I literally caught a crack ho at our house in my bed next to my x addict and still he denied anything happened! "We just met last night! We just fell asleep! I dont even know who she is!" U cant make this stuff up. They lie to ur face. Lie even when caught red handed.

Anyway...I refused to let him think he got away with it. So i called his little "sleeping" buddy and found out every sordid detail of the affair (of course it had been going on longer then a day. She knew about me.) and to prove a point to my dear addict I made "friends" with his little junkie mistress and had her and I both conference call him on the phone (him thinking it was just him and her on the call while I stayed silent in the background). And well....once i heard him try to smooth her out and keep her from telling me anything I broke my silence and proceeded to rip him a new one and so...that took care of that!! Not my proudest moment but seriously this is what it takes to get them to own anything. And please dont mistake my next comment for lack of empathy for ur situation bc this is a horrible as it gets but....at least ur H wore a condom. My addict??? Not so much. He never and has never practiced safe sex. God only knows how many girls he exposed me to. But thank god I got checked out and received a clean bill of health. The rage i felt inside....that i still feel for all the dangers he exposed me to? It reminds me now why I can never forgive him. (Hes 13 days clean and trying to make things work. He blames drugs for the infidelity...always has an excuse.)

I dont envy this next stage for u. U asked for brutal so im telling u lessons i learned the hard way. Men dont text other women just for the heck of it. If hes not sleeping in ur bed, hes sleeping in someone elses. He is a master manipulator. The drugs only make them better at lying.
DO NOT BELIEVE A SINGLE WORD THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH. TRUST UR GUT.

Should u really need undeniable proof of his infidelity u can get it but be careful what u wish for. While I dont regret teaching my cheating addict a lesson i ended up paying for it emotionally with vivid mental flashes of his affair told to me by another woman... beyond soul crushing. Be kind to urself and spare urself the pain. File those papers and call the police next time he shows up. Maybe more jail will do the trick. In the meantime we are here. Take care of yourself.
Dreamcatcher44 is offline  
Old 06-03-2016, 02:23 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
because crack is one of the most powerfully addictive drugs around. because the addiction is far more mental than it is physical. because crack use rewires the brain and pleasure centers so that the ONLY thing that makes a dent is more crack. because the high is intense but short lived and it's all about MORE. because crack makes you care about only ONE thing......MORE. not health, finances, spouses, children, jobs or even if the house you are sitting in smoking is on fire. not if there's still dope on the plate....

sad to say, but i'd dust off those divorce papers and proceed. he may have been able to SAY nice things to you while in JAIL, but his ACTIONS tell a far different story. the REAL ONE.

really really sorry. your kids deserve better from a father. and you deserve better from a husband than to say the best part of your marriage was when he was locked up.
So very, very true!!
LoveLife0717 is offline  
Old 06-03-2016, 05:28 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i'm over 8 years out from my last crack use......and truly have NO desire to EVER go down that road again. but just last night watching the ballgame, the announcers said, a couple times, that was a BIG BASE HIT. at one time, THAT would have been enough to have us fighting each other for the phone to make the call. now today, it was like, huh, yeah, bet it was.......

my point is in recovery, we must remain VIGILANT, at all times. because the beast never sleeps. it is out there, in the bushes, waiting, with infinite patience. recovering/recovered addicts are exactly ONE bad decision away.......

after 8 years, it still calls..........i just don't listen. even if i have drug dreams, which i do. even if every once in awhile the voice in my head says.....ya know.......a couple of lines wouldn't be a BAD thing!?
AnvilheadII is offline  
Old 06-03-2016, 05:50 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Queenbee7's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: My Hive
Posts: 81
AnvilHead said it well,

"we must remain VIGILANT, at all times. because the beast never sleeps. it is out there, in the bushes, waiting, with infinite patience."


Addiction is POWERFUL and SCARY.

Those who are addicted to a chemical have to be vigilant and those of us addicted to an addict have to be JUST as vigilant
Queenbee7 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:58 AM.