forlucyslove

My crack addict husband has lied to me so many times that I feel like an empty shell. I am a recovering opiod addict and alcoholic. I have been sober for six years and feel like God helped me get sober so that I can deal with all of this nightmare. My AS was recently introduced to heroine by his gf. He has been using heroine for the last six months. He is so tortured by this addiction and his inability to stop. Yet my husband does not seem phased by his addiction. The lies and deceit have worn me down. He complains that I am no longer affectionate towards him. We met in the rooms of recovery and we're each other's rock in the beginning. I had come out of an extremely abusive 10 year marriage that left me with zero self esteem, depression and PTSD. He showed me love and kindness that I didn't think possible. I have worked really hard at rebuilding the life that I had let slip away. I had literally lost everything, my home, my car, custody of my youngest child. Little by little we rebuilt a life. However my husbands demons would not stay silent. I do not know how much more I can take. I need to be strong to help my son but feel so lost in this depression and constant worry. At times I feel ungrateful for thinking of giving up. I'm looking for some support from others that know what I'm going through. The money that's lost, the times that he is Mia and the way he can look straight in my eyes and lie. Love just doesn't seem to be enough anymore.

Bekindalways

Hi Forlucyslove. Congratulations on 6 years of sobriety; that is quite an accomplishment.

I agree love is not enough or rather loving an addict is completely different than loving a sober person.

Have you tried AA? Also most of us read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Many find it helpful.

May all the angels of the universe dive-bomb you and your family!!!

forlucyslove

Thanks so much for your response. I will read CO dependent no more. It has been awhile since I have been to AA but I am going back to my therapist this week and starting a campaign to take care of me.

Bekindalways

Irk Forlucy, I meant to say Alanon instead of AA as it looks like you are one of those . . . er . . .double-winners.

>>>> "Starting a campaign to take care of me."

Let us know what you do during the campaign and how it goes.

forlucyslove

Thanks again. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. Non too soon. I appreciate any comments or support offered.

WeakGirl

I'm sorry you're going through all of this.

Something that I logically know, but am still trying to get my heart around - you don't have to let someone harm you in order to love them.

I hope your therapy appointment tomorrow goes well.

Eauchiche

Dear Lucy
ONE addict in the family can be stressful enough. You are in the middle of a war on two fronts. SO sorry!
I applaud you for remaining sober in the midst of all this chaos.
I hope you can find the strength to separate yourself from both of them and have a peaceful life.

AnvilheadII

start by taking care of yourself, before you try and help, save or rescue another. it's the Airplane Oxygen Mask rule. put on your own mask FIRST.

its easy to see why your crack addict H could care less about what drugs your son is doing.......as long as they aren't HIS. he's probably first on the list of possible things that need to GO.............he certainly isn't setting any examples!

Your life, your home should be DRUG FREE. make them so!!!

Chino

I know a lady that had been clean and sober for 10 years before falling off the wagon for the next 5 years. She said untreated codependency will do it every time!

Like anvilhead said, you have to put yourself first. Take care of you before your husband and son kick you off your wagon.

forlucyslove

I absolutely appreciate the responses. I went to my therapist today and agreed to continue every 2 weeks. I acknowledged today that I'm still struggling with a very damaged sense of self stemming from a long abusive marriage. I have a hard time believing that I could be OK on my own. Although I always new that I was a problem drinker, I just never did drink like other people. The continued abuse over such a long time gave me every excuse to drink and consume opiods in an attempt to numb the pain. After filing for divorce five times, I finally made it out with custody of my daughter. Unfortunately my drinking and using led me to a very scary place. I knew for the longest time that I needed help, I just didn't know how to go about it. End result was losing custody of my young daughter. (Something that still torments me today. What kind of a Mom does that?) I knew I was not fit to care for her then and that was probably the hardest pill I ever swallowed. Anyway, I worked hard to stay sober and mend relationships with my children and other family. I owe it to me to never go back to that painful and miserable way of life. I still have flashbacks of some of the horrible things that I did back then and I'm grateful for those traumatic memories I believe they help keep me grateful and sober. I plan to hang around this site to gain strength and wisdom in hopes of getting through another chapter of my life. I'm scared of how things may turn out for my current marriage and i agonize for my Son because this disease of addiction is something I hoped my children would not have to battle. I believe in prayer and will continue to pray for anyone suffering.

AnvilheadII

I owe it to me to never go back to that painful and miserable way of life.

which should include not living with active addiction. you'll do MUCH better when that is out of your life. you've worked way too hard to let someone else take you down.

Bekindalways

This was powerfully expressed Forlucy. You really have been through quite a bit!

May you find the counseling helpful. Let us know how things go.