Rocky future ahead
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 1
Rocky future ahead
This is my first time on here, I'm not really sure what I want from this but I feel like I might feel better if I put it all down. I've hidden a lot of the truth from my friends and family, mostly because I was ashamed that I had fallen in love with a man who shared the same addiction as my father who died 5 years ago, and also because I knew what they would have to say and I wasn't ready to hear it. But now I am, or I need to be at least.
I'm six months pregnant with a man who abuses opioids, and I don't know what to do. Well, I do know what to do but it's difficult because it's so hard going through this pregnancy alone. I do have family to support me, but it's not the same as having him there even though looking back he really hasn't been there at all.
The first time I found out he was using was about four months ago. I had woken up early one morning and for some reason decided to just look at him really good while he slept. I saw the track marks on his arms and I freaked out and left. I packed all of my things up and went to my sister's. I know that it would have probably been wise to have stayed with my gut and kept away but I loved him, and still do.
At that time he admitted to shooting up hydrocodone, but I'm not sure if that was all. When talking about what he does all he usually says is opioids, he's never more specific then that. Shortly after I found out he came clean to his parents, mostly because I said if he didn't tell them I would, and he agreed to visit a doctor to start a suboxone program.
All seemed to be going well until I started to notice that he was running out of his prescription way quicker than he should be, and the behavior that I started to pick up on that I associated with his drug use wasn't ceasing. He would go "give his friend a ride" and a trip that should take half an hour at most would take him an hour or more. Of course I was never allowed to go with either. He would always say, "don't worry it'll only be a minute" or have some excuse in line. Come to find out he had been selling his prescriptions and continuing to use.
After I caught on to that I started monitoring his prescriptions closely. He went to a new doctor, still determined that he didn't need rehab and that he would be able to wean himself with the subs. Along with the suboxone he was prescribed medication for RLS and another for anxiety and depression. For about two weeks he took them and I could see the difference, especially with the medication for the RLS. He wasn't pacing anymore, he would eat, and here could actually sleep through the night. Before he would keep me up literally all night from getting in and out of bed, going outside to smoke, using the bathroom, ECT.
Then all of a sudden it was back to the crazy routine of not sleeping or eating. Here still had the right amount of his prescriptions left everyday but again I began to notice how he would go run favors for his buddies and that he was wearing long sleeve shirts in April in Florida ( for those not familiar, it is very warm by April here, too warm for long sleeves).
By now I'm getting more than agitated because I'm going on 5 months pregnant and he has done nothing to step up and help. We still hadn't gotten a place together and when I'd ask him about money he would either say he had it or that he was close. He made almost $800 a week, so I wondered how the hell he couldn't save enough within two weeks. He would say that he had to pay for doctors appointments or that he was short from taking off time from work to go to the doctor. But his excuses never added up and he could never tell a story straight.
It all came to a head just over a week ago. He was going on about how he needed to cut ties with all the people in his life that associated with drugs and how excited he was to be a dad. Then all of a sudden he gets a call from one of his buddies and I can hear him on the phone asking for a ride and I felt generally okay about the situation, especially after the conversation we had about him really overcoming his addiction. He switched from one person to another almost instantly and I knew something was up. He started rushing around and had this bag with him and he was so eager to leave. I tried to stop him and asked him what was in the bag. To this day I don't really know what was in the bag, he never showed or told me. But he did become very violent. When his parents stepped in and started asking questions too he pulled out a chef knife and pointed it at us asking "who wants to die first" then held it up to his own neck and stormed out.
That was it for me. I called the police and he was bakeracted. Naturally he was angry, and he called a million times that night to tell his parents and I how much he hated us and how he was leaving when he got out. He calmed down the next day and confessed that he had been doing crack. He then said he was ready to go to rehab and accept help.
Since he has been released he has not followed through with his words and I have also discovered that he has been buying subs off the street that he can inject and abusing them to get high. I've since stepped away from the situation because I now realize that there is not a lot that I can do for him at this point. I've said my peace, he knows that he is more than welcome to be apart of our family when he is ready. But I'm tired of the excuses and the lies and I can't continue to let his decisions torture me, even though being away from him is hard enough. Today he was supposed to go in to rehab but when I called him he had some excuse about why he never went.
It's difficult because without him I'm alone. I'm going to have his child in August and all I want is for him to be there and to experience it all with me. But it's not him anymore. He may mean it when he says he's ready to overcome his addiction and he's tired of living that life. I do see the honesty there. But he hasn't had enough yet to actually follow through with his words. I'm scared for him but I know I need to stand my ground and stay away. But what about our child? Do I not allow him to see his son? What if he pays child support and I have to let him have a week or weekend with our newborn son?
I'm six months pregnant with a man who abuses opioids, and I don't know what to do. Well, I do know what to do but it's difficult because it's so hard going through this pregnancy alone. I do have family to support me, but it's not the same as having him there even though looking back he really hasn't been there at all.
The first time I found out he was using was about four months ago. I had woken up early one morning and for some reason decided to just look at him really good while he slept. I saw the track marks on his arms and I freaked out and left. I packed all of my things up and went to my sister's. I know that it would have probably been wise to have stayed with my gut and kept away but I loved him, and still do.
At that time he admitted to shooting up hydrocodone, but I'm not sure if that was all. When talking about what he does all he usually says is opioids, he's never more specific then that. Shortly after I found out he came clean to his parents, mostly because I said if he didn't tell them I would, and he agreed to visit a doctor to start a suboxone program.
All seemed to be going well until I started to notice that he was running out of his prescription way quicker than he should be, and the behavior that I started to pick up on that I associated with his drug use wasn't ceasing. He would go "give his friend a ride" and a trip that should take half an hour at most would take him an hour or more. Of course I was never allowed to go with either. He would always say, "don't worry it'll only be a minute" or have some excuse in line. Come to find out he had been selling his prescriptions and continuing to use.
After I caught on to that I started monitoring his prescriptions closely. He went to a new doctor, still determined that he didn't need rehab and that he would be able to wean himself with the subs. Along with the suboxone he was prescribed medication for RLS and another for anxiety and depression. For about two weeks he took them and I could see the difference, especially with the medication for the RLS. He wasn't pacing anymore, he would eat, and here could actually sleep through the night. Before he would keep me up literally all night from getting in and out of bed, going outside to smoke, using the bathroom, ECT.
Then all of a sudden it was back to the crazy routine of not sleeping or eating. Here still had the right amount of his prescriptions left everyday but again I began to notice how he would go run favors for his buddies and that he was wearing long sleeve shirts in April in Florida ( for those not familiar, it is very warm by April here, too warm for long sleeves).
By now I'm getting more than agitated because I'm going on 5 months pregnant and he has done nothing to step up and help. We still hadn't gotten a place together and when I'd ask him about money he would either say he had it or that he was close. He made almost $800 a week, so I wondered how the hell he couldn't save enough within two weeks. He would say that he had to pay for doctors appointments or that he was short from taking off time from work to go to the doctor. But his excuses never added up and he could never tell a story straight.
It all came to a head just over a week ago. He was going on about how he needed to cut ties with all the people in his life that associated with drugs and how excited he was to be a dad. Then all of a sudden he gets a call from one of his buddies and I can hear him on the phone asking for a ride and I felt generally okay about the situation, especially after the conversation we had about him really overcoming his addiction. He switched from one person to another almost instantly and I knew something was up. He started rushing around and had this bag with him and he was so eager to leave. I tried to stop him and asked him what was in the bag. To this day I don't really know what was in the bag, he never showed or told me. But he did become very violent. When his parents stepped in and started asking questions too he pulled out a chef knife and pointed it at us asking "who wants to die first" then held it up to his own neck and stormed out.
That was it for me. I called the police and he was bakeracted. Naturally he was angry, and he called a million times that night to tell his parents and I how much he hated us and how he was leaving when he got out. He calmed down the next day and confessed that he had been doing crack. He then said he was ready to go to rehab and accept help.
Since he has been released he has not followed through with his words and I have also discovered that he has been buying subs off the street that he can inject and abusing them to get high. I've since stepped away from the situation because I now realize that there is not a lot that I can do for him at this point. I've said my peace, he knows that he is more than welcome to be apart of our family when he is ready. But I'm tired of the excuses and the lies and I can't continue to let his decisions torture me, even though being away from him is hard enough. Today he was supposed to go in to rehab but when I called him he had some excuse about why he never went.
It's difficult because without him I'm alone. I'm going to have his child in August and all I want is for him to be there and to experience it all with me. But it's not him anymore. He may mean it when he says he's ready to overcome his addiction and he's tired of living that life. I do see the honesty there. But he hasn't had enough yet to actually follow through with his words. I'm scared for him but I know I need to stand my ground and stay away. But what about our child? Do I not allow him to see his son? What if he pays child support and I have to let him have a week or weekend with our newborn son?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by ELCP 
This is my first time on here, I'm not really sure what I want from this but I feel like I might feel better if I put it all down. I've hidden a lot of the truth from my friends and family, mostly because I was ashamed that I had fallen in love with a man who shared the same addiction as my father who died 5 years ago, and also because I knew what they would have to say and I wasn't ready to hear it. But now I am, or I need to be at least.
I'm six months pregnant with a man who abuses opioids, and I don't know what to do. Well, I do know what to do but it's difficult because it's so hard going through this pregnancy alone. I do have family to support me, but it's not the same as having him there even though looking back he really hasn't been there at all.
The first time I found out he was using was about four months ago. I had woken up early one morning and for some reason decided to just look at him really good while he slept. I saw the track marks on his arms and I freaked out and left. I packed all of my things up and went to my sister's. I know that it would have probably been wise to have stayed with my gut and kept away but I loved him, and still do.
At that time he admitted to shooting up hydrocodone, but I'm not sure if that was all. When talking about what he does all he usually says is opioids, he's never more specific then that. Shortly after I found out he came clean to his parents, mostly because I said if he didn't tell them I would, and he agreed to visit a doctor to start a suboxone program.
All seemed to be going well until I started to notice that he was running out of his prescription way quicker than he should be, and the behavior that I started to pick up on that I associated with his drug use wasn't ceasing. He would go "give his friend a ride" and a trip that should take half an hour at most would take him an hour or more. Of course I was never allowed to go with either. He would always say, "don't worry it'll only be a minute" or have some excuse in line. Come to find out he had been selling his prescriptions and continuing to use.
After I caught on to that I started monitoring his prescriptions closely. He went to a new doctor, still determined that he didn't need rehab and that he would be able to wean himself with the subs. Along with the suboxone he was prescribed medication for RLS and another for anxiety and depression. For about two weeks he took them and I could see the difference, especially with the medication for the RLS. He wasn't pacing anymore, he would eat, and here could actually sleep through the night. Before he would keep me up literally all night from getting in and out of bed, going outside to smoke, using the bathroom, ECT.
Then all of a sudden it was back to the crazy routine of not sleeping or eating. Here still had the right amount of his prescriptions left everyday but again I began to notice how he would go run favors for his buddies and that he was wearing long sleeve shirts in April in Florida ( for those not familiar, it is very warm by April here, too warm for long sleeves).
By now I'm getting more than agitated because I'm going on 5 months pregnant and he has done nothing to step up and help. We still hadn't gotten a place together and when I'd ask him about money he would either say he had it or that he was close. He made almost $800 a week, so I wondered how the hell he couldn't save enough within two weeks. He would say that he had to pay for doctors appointments or that he was short from taking off time from work to go to the doctor. But his excuses never added up and he could never tell a story straight.
It all came to a head just over a week ago. He was going on about how he needed to cut ties with all the people in his life that associated with drugs and how excited he was to be a dad. Then all of a sudden he gets a call from one of his buddies and I can hear him on the phone asking for a ride and I felt generally okay about the situation, especially after the conversation we had about him really overcoming his addiction. He switched from one person to another almost instantly and I knew something was up. He started rushing around and had this bag with him and he was so eager to leave. I tried to stop him and asked him what was in the bag. To this day I don't really know what was in the bag, he never showed or told me. But he did become very violent. When his parents stepped in and started asking questions too he pulled out a chef knife and pointed it at us asking "who wants to die first" then held it up to his own neck and stormed out.
That was it for me. I called the police and he was bakeracted. Naturally he was angry, and he called a million times that night to tell his parents and I how much he hated us and how he was leaving when he got out. He calmed down the next day and confessed that he had been doing crack. He then said he was ready to go to rehab and accept help.
Since he has been released he has not followed through with his words and I have also discovered that he has been buying subs off the street that he can inject and abusing them to get high. I've since stepped away from the situation because I now realize that there is not a lot that I can do for him at this point. I've said my peace, he knows that he is more than welcome to be apart of our family when he is ready. But I'm tired of the excuses and the lies and I can't continue to let his decisions torture me, even though being away from him is hard enough. Today he was supposed to go in to rehab but when I called him he had some excuse about why he never went.
It's difficult because without him I'm alone. I'm going to have his child in August and all I want is for him to be there and to experience it all with me. But it's not him anymore. He may mean it when he says he's ready to overcome his addiction and he's tired of living that life. I do see the honesty there. But he hasn't had enough yet to actually follow through with his words. I'm scared for him but I know I need to stand my ground and stay away. But what about our child? Do I not allow him to see his son? What if he pays child support and I have to let him have a week or weekend with our newborn son?
I'm six months pregnant with a man who abuses opioids, and I don't know what to do. Well, I do know what to do but it's difficult because it's so hard going through this pregnancy alone. I do have family to support me, but it's not the same as having him there even though looking back he really hasn't been there at all.
The first time I found out he was using was about four months ago. I had woken up early one morning and for some reason decided to just look at him really good while he slept. I saw the track marks on his arms and I freaked out and left. I packed all of my things up and went to my sister's. I know that it would have probably been wise to have stayed with my gut and kept away but I loved him, and still do.
At that time he admitted to shooting up hydrocodone, but I'm not sure if that was all. When talking about what he does all he usually says is opioids, he's never more specific then that. Shortly after I found out he came clean to his parents, mostly because I said if he didn't tell them I would, and he agreed to visit a doctor to start a suboxone program.
All seemed to be going well until I started to notice that he was running out of his prescription way quicker than he should be, and the behavior that I started to pick up on that I associated with his drug use wasn't ceasing. He would go "give his friend a ride" and a trip that should take half an hour at most would take him an hour or more. Of course I was never allowed to go with either. He would always say, "don't worry it'll only be a minute" or have some excuse in line. Come to find out he had been selling his prescriptions and continuing to use.
After I caught on to that I started monitoring his prescriptions closely. He went to a new doctor, still determined that he didn't need rehab and that he would be able to wean himself with the subs. Along with the suboxone he was prescribed medication for RLS and another for anxiety and depression. For about two weeks he took them and I could see the difference, especially with the medication for the RLS. He wasn't pacing anymore, he would eat, and here could actually sleep through the night. Before he would keep me up literally all night from getting in and out of bed, going outside to smoke, using the bathroom, ECT.
Then all of a sudden it was back to the crazy routine of not sleeping or eating. Here still had the right amount of his prescriptions left everyday but again I began to notice how he would go run favors for his buddies and that he was wearing long sleeve shirts in April in Florida ( for those not familiar, it is very warm by April here, too warm for long sleeves).
By now I'm getting more than agitated because I'm going on 5 months pregnant and he has done nothing to step up and help. We still hadn't gotten a place together and when I'd ask him about money he would either say he had it or that he was close. He made almost $800 a week, so I wondered how the hell he couldn't save enough within two weeks. He would say that he had to pay for doctors appointments or that he was short from taking off time from work to go to the doctor. But his excuses never added up and he could never tell a story straight.
It all came to a head just over a week ago. He was going on about how he needed to cut ties with all the people in his life that associated with drugs and how excited he was to be a dad. Then all of a sudden he gets a call from one of his buddies and I can hear him on the phone asking for a ride and I felt generally okay about the situation, especially after the conversation we had about him really overcoming his addiction. He switched from one person to another almost instantly and I knew something was up. He started rushing around and had this bag with him and he was so eager to leave. I tried to stop him and asked him what was in the bag. To this day I don't really know what was in the bag, he never showed or told me. But he did become very violent. When his parents stepped in and started asking questions too he pulled out a chef knife and pointed it at us asking "who wants to die first" then held it up to his own neck and stormed out.
That was it for me. I called the police and he was bakeracted. Naturally he was angry, and he called a million times that night to tell his parents and I how much he hated us and how he was leaving when he got out. He calmed down the next day and confessed that he had been doing crack. He then said he was ready to go to rehab and accept help.
Since he has been released he has not followed through with his words and I have also discovered that he has been buying subs off the street that he can inject and abusing them to get high. I've since stepped away from the situation because I now realize that there is not a lot that I can do for him at this point. I've said my peace, he knows that he is more than welcome to be apart of our family when he is ready. But I'm tired of the excuses and the lies and I can't continue to let his decisions torture me, even though being away from him is hard enough. Today he was supposed to go in to rehab but when I called him he had some excuse about why he never went.
It's difficult because without him I'm alone. I'm going to have his child in August and all I want is for him to be there and to experience it all with me. But it's not him anymore. He may mean it when he says he's ready to overcome his addiction and he's tired of living that life. I do see the honesty there. But he hasn't had enough yet to actually follow through with his words. I'm scared for him but I know I need to stand my ground and stay away. But what about our child? Do I not allow him to see his son? What if he pays child support and I have to let him have a week or weekend with our newborn son?
Secondly. This ride of his addiction, it is going to be as long and tough as you let it. I have been there with my soon to be ex for 6 years. Heroin, crack, suboxine, rehabs, jails, lying, aggression, stealing, cheatig, crazy train kept on going. Until things happened and I said enough.
I cannot tell you how amazingly different in a good way my life is today, without this huge stressor on my life. Yes, your bf is biologically a father of your child. However, if he is doing options (and btw, they ALWAYS minimize - oh, it's not heroin, it's oxy, oh, i wasn't shooting, I was snorting, oh, i was shooting, but I used clean needle and one time and never ever again, cross my heart, let my family die - yes, my soon to be ex used to say that LET MY FAMILY DIE if I am lying and I bought it, for a long time). If he is doing opiods, he can't be a father, he cannot be around your child, high, he can't.
Please read the stories here and stay, and try to take care of you and your baby.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
But he did become very violent. When his parents stepped in and started asking questions too he pulled out a chef knife and pointed it at us asking "who wants to die first" then held it up to his own neck and stormed out.
He may not be ready to stop. More likely he will say that he is and then continue to use. Take a read around, it's a common and sad story.
As long as he continues to use, your relationship will put you and your baby in danger, it will get worse and sadder and you may wish you had got out when you could.
Whatever you choose to do, please know we are here to support you.
Be safe and be wise, for your baby if not for yourself.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Welcome to SR, ELCP!
I'm glad you posted. You can get a lot of help here.
You mention your father died with an addiction. You may find the ACOA Laundry List helpful in assessing how you managed to fall for an addict. We tend to repeat what we know - whether by becoming an addict or falling in love with one or another ACOA.
There is a section right here in Friends and Family with many set links.
Take care of you!
I'm glad you posted. You can get a lot of help here.
You mention your father died with an addiction. You may find the ACOA Laundry List helpful in assessing how you managed to fall for an addict. We tend to repeat what we know - whether by becoming an addict or falling in love with one or another ACOA.
There is a section right here in Friends and Family with many set links.
Take care of you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,998
Welcome ELCP! I hope you find lots of support here.
Although I was not in exactly your situation, your story did have a bit of familiarity. When I met my qualifier, I felt I could have accurately predicted his future and it wasn't going to be pretty. I proceeded to fall madly in love with him. Sigh.
It is such the pits that no matter how much you know about a situation, you still fall in love.
Please take care of yourself and your little one.
Although I was not in exactly your situation, your story did have a bit of familiarity. When I met my qualifier, I felt I could have accurately predicted his future and it wasn't going to be pretty. I proceeded to fall madly in love with him. Sigh.
It is such the pits that no matter how much you know about a situation, you still fall in love.
Please take care of yourself and your little one.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
Welcome, ELCP. I am curious to know how you are doing? I am in a similar situation. And as all before me have said, we completely understand. We wish we didn't, but God knows we do. I have a one year old son with my AH, and he and myself are my main priority. It is time for you to set boundaries as far as what you will allow and won't when it comes to visitation of your child. Only you know what these will be. i.e. He can only visit when you are present. He can only visit if providing child support. etc... Your boyfriend will not like the boundaries, but his reactions to them and his "feelings" toward them are so warped and skewed that you cannot let them sway you.
It ate me up inside for very long that my son very well may not grow up with his biological father. It kills me to think of how that may affect him, what questions he would ask, what thoughts he'd have about it whenever he's old enough to sit in his room and think on it. I had a great upbringing with a solid family structure, so knowing he likely wouldn't have that was very very hard to swallow. But, then I pictured the alternative. I pictured him having to feel the pain I have felt. Having to see more of his father's back walking out the door to go meet his buddies than spending time at home with us. IMAGINE how that would torture a child. The decision is clear for me. I refuse to allow our son feel the pain I have felt while on this roller coaster.
You can do this.
You are stronger than you imagine, and you are about to realize that.
It ate me up inside for very long that my son very well may not grow up with his biological father. It kills me to think of how that may affect him, what questions he would ask, what thoughts he'd have about it whenever he's old enough to sit in his room and think on it. I had a great upbringing with a solid family structure, so knowing he likely wouldn't have that was very very hard to swallow. But, then I pictured the alternative. I pictured him having to feel the pain I have felt. Having to see more of his father's back walking out the door to go meet his buddies than spending time at home with us. IMAGINE how that would torture a child. The decision is clear for me. I refuse to allow our son feel the pain I have felt while on this roller coaster.
You can do this.
You are stronger than you imagine, and you are about to realize that.
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