Kp1130

So it's been a while since my first post, but here's an update. Of course I was right and my AH did in fact relapse and has been in one since (about a month now). He had like maybe a week clean. I said if he wasn't clean he couldn't live here anymore. Why can't I do what I said I was gonna do?

So a couple days his best friend who is also a good friend of mine freakin OD after being clean for 5 months. I'm so heartbroken about it. He was doing so well and I thought for sure he was going to be a success story. Then out of no where he shoots up and dies.

I just got finished holding my 6 year old son trying to console him because his uncle ( they were also close) died. I'm so mad at him right now like how could he do this? I also feel guilty for being so mad at him when he passed away.

So then the reality hits that my AH gets the same stuff from the same guy and he could very well be next. So now more than ever I feel like I need to stand my ground. I should kick him out unless he goes to rehab right? At the same time I feel like T really wanted to be clean he tried a bunch of times was doing all the right things and then goes and shoots up and dies. So if my AH doesn't even really want it, will it even matter if he goes?

I'm sorry this is kind of all over the place, I'm really upset right now. I need to find the strength somehow. He keeps asking for 10 more days so he can get the shot and then be cured. I keep telling him it's not a cure all. He just doesn't listen. Even T was on the shot and look what happened. How does anyone find the strength to kick them out on the street with nothing when you know where they'll end up? I know he could die here and I think that's even worse but I just can't seem to follow through. Sigh

hopeful4

If you said he could not live there if he was not clean, that's that. He needs to leave. Not to be harsh with you, but your 6 y.o. is in for more chaos and hurt in his future with this man living in your home. Your first thought needs to be for him. If he wanted to go stay with someone who has an active user in their home, would you want him to?

Don't make boundaries you cannot keep. An addict will hone in on that forever. Once I was told something that really resonated with me. Addicts need consequences. If they don't have consequences, they have no reason to ever reach to be clean and well. By your taking those consequences away from them, you are taking away their chance to recover.

The shot is absolutely not a cure. It's a tool, one of many. The only "cure" is the addict wanting recovery so badly that they are willing to do whatever it takes, every day, for the rest of their lives, to stay clean. It's a big commitment not many are willing or able to make.

You need to put your son and his well being FIRST. Above your own, and certainly above the addicts.

Many hugs. I know it's so hard.

ardy

Hi all.. its hard ... so hard.. and somehow we have to deal with it and hang on to the future... and just not fair... kiddo you tell that so and so off good for he is listening.. maybe he will help to stop his brother your AH from having the same ending. maybe just maybe.. I agree kick the kidd to the curb.. Its us the child and me or the drugs.. your little one needs the security and you need the peace.. love and a ton of prayers of hope for a better tomorrow. ardy

Troubledone

During the worst of times with my addict, it helped me to ask myself why I was reluctant to stand my ground. For me, it was that I wanted to avoid some unpleasant outcome or truth.

Standing your ground is protecting you and your son, not harming the addict. Addicts do that well enough on their own. It is not unreasonable to require your home to be drug free, especially with a 6 year old in the house.

You may also want to think about what lessons your son is learning from you and your AH and if those are the lessons you mean to teach.

Prayers you find the right decision for all concerned and that you find peace in it.

AdelineRose

I know it Is hard but with a 6 year old in the house it isn't just about your A making your life chaotic, it is also affecting your 6 year old. Your 6 year old is already upset about his uncle, what if your A dies in the house and your son finds him? What if he sees him completely out of it drooling and slouched over falling off the couch?

I know it is hard to force them to leave but it does help everyone involved in the end. I am a recovering heroin addict and my mom finally set her boundary and told me it is either get help or leave and I left. I lived at friends houses and on the street, begged for money and didn't even care as long as I got my fix. But guess what, I got tired of always being sick sleeping in the woods and not having any family. I truly do not believe I would have ever hit bottom if my mom let me stay all comfortable in the house high as a kite. Also, I thank my mom everyday for making that boundary and helping me get on my path to recovery. Sure he might get mad at first, but all the addicts I know that got kicked out and then found recovery all are grateful for not being enabled anymore since it sped up hitting bottom.

You'll be in my prayers tonight, even if you don't feel you have it in you to kick him out for yourself, please think about doing it for your son. Kids know what is going on, and the pain and confusion they experience is very real.

zoso77

I am extremely sorry about the loss of your AH's best friend. That's a tough, tough blow to absorb.

It is also true that the difference between recovery and an overdose is one bad decision, a moment of denial, or a moment of not being honest with one self. Someone in early recovery could appear to be going along just fine until something triggers them...and then they're off and running again. It sucks for those who love them, but then again, what can we really do about it?

As far as your AH goes...step back for a minute, breathe, and allow yourself to know what you know to be true. And if you do this, then you will absorb the truth: unless your AH takes responsibility for himself, stops using, seeks recovery, and follows a program, then your life with him will be more of the same. Based on this painful truth, you know what your course of action should be. Doesn't mean it'll be easy. But doing the right thing for ourselves is seldom easy. Much of the time it can be brutally hard. Then again, what choice do you have?

Kp1130

Thank you all for the kind words! It has been a tough week for us all. Saying goodbye to a dear friend is so hard. It did put a lot in perspective for me though.

I gave my AH a deadline of inpatient (he's currently in outpatient and using) or he can leave. The morning of the funeral, he was trying to get away from me to get drugs and that really was the final straw for me. We are going to lay to rest your best friend who died of an H overdose and your trying to lose me to get some. It just breaks my heart.

I will not allow it to effect my children. I have to stand my ground, and I will. I have been weak in the past but I feel like I am truly ready. I'm not sure if he thinks I'm serious, and I don't care.

I only hope it doesn't turn into a scene. My only worry is I'll have to get the police involved. I guess I'll have to do what I have to do.

Please pray for me, thanks again

hopeful4

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.

atalose

I pray for the strength you need, to do what you need to do.