questioning my decision
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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questioning my decision
So my ABF has been on a suboxone program and although I always hated the idea before I must say things have been going great. He is off of heroin, happy, acting like his "old self", participating in life, and has been working steadily at a new job. So, yes, he has been living back with me. When He isn't at work he is home and there has not been a question in my mind that he is using anything. However, I find my self still over analyzing every move such as every once in a while thinking he might be acting hyper. He was getting a weekly supply of suboxone which I see him take each morning and receives a weekly UA until recently they have trusted him with a two week supply and UA every two weeks. The rules of him living with me are absolutely not one single lie. I made it very clear I will not tolerate the smallest of lies and shady sneaky behavior. So... I'm Having a rough time tonight wondering if I handled this correctly. He doesn't have a phone yet because he needs to earn paying for his own phone and every time he has had one it leads to problems using it to meet Up for drugs and basically being a shady liar. He used a guy from his new jobs cellphone on only one occasion to ask me to drop off an item he needed for the job at a construction site. He wanted me to see him at work and what he does too. Later, after work he used the guys phone again to call me to ask if I would pick him up and we would go pick up his check. We agreed that he shouldn't make it a habit to bug people at work to use there phone. I pick him up and then tonight we are off to enjoy are night together and he was taking me out to dinner. Then my phone rings and it's the guy from his works number, my bf seemed nervous and said oh don't answer it I don't want to talk to him. The guy tries calling again and then texts that he "needs to talk to" my boyfriend. My bf again seems really irritated and nervous. One of my constant fights with him in the past is if you don't have things to hide you should be able to have conversations and phone calls as he used to hide phones or keep them off ect... So I pull over the car and tell him he's acting strange and to just call the guy back since its most likely about work. He calls him and looks worried. He right away says "hey I'm with my girlfriend!!" I start to silently freak out because this is what he does to stop someone from saying something that I will hear. I try to get close to the phone to hear. My bf quickly hangs up on him. The guy calls back and I grab the phone and push the button to answer it and I hear the guy say he has "been up for 24 hours " and then Start to ask if my bf can "do anything". I flipped out because I took it as he has either hooked him up with something already during work and he's asking for it again or they had a conversation about it at least. He was pretty persistent about calling. my bf is trying to say the guy has only lived in our area for a few months and was dropping hints quite a few times at work and that he tried to make it clear he doesn't drink or do anything else. He feels people look at him and assume he might know where to get drugs even though he looks more cleaned up now. He says the guy was saying slang words hinting at not being from here and not knowing where to find meth. I told him because he tried to hide it and was hanging up the phone and alerting the guy he's in front of his girlfriend that he knew what the conversation was going to be about....Asking where to get drugs, and the fact he didn't tell me and tried to hide it makes him guilty too so I told him I can't deal with him anymore and was upset and left. When I came home he was gone. I'm reacting harshly because if I give him one inch he will take a mile. Now I'm laying here all night questioning iif he really didn't have any involvement and was just avoiding the guy. Am I overreacting!!!!!! He left a note saying I never believe him and how much this hurt him that's he's not doing anything wrong and he's going to his moms. Well big surprise he's not at his moms and hasn't returned home. Any thoughts?
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 15
Hey Uncaged,
I am living in an identical situation. My addict (now ex) boyfriend keeps being in touch with his old drug mates, and everytime I question it he gets really upset and blames me for being a psychopath not believing in him.
Actually I recently posted a thread about this here on SR. Someone wrote me back some very wise words, telling me that if your boyfriend really was in an genuine recovery process, he would understand your fears and not be upset about that. I believe this is true.
I know suboxone programs is very helpful for some people, it has for instance saved the life of my father. But I also know examples of guys who is in these programs that sells their own suboxone pills to old drug mates and make big money out of that. The guys "on the the street" that is still in an active drug use knows this, and often tries to use those guys who is in suboxone programs as a new source of drug access.
Write to me if you want to talk more, I know exactly how you feel....
I am living in an identical situation. My addict (now ex) boyfriend keeps being in touch with his old drug mates, and everytime I question it he gets really upset and blames me for being a psychopath not believing in him.
Actually I recently posted a thread about this here on SR. Someone wrote me back some very wise words, telling me that if your boyfriend really was in an genuine recovery process, he would understand your fears and not be upset about that. I believe this is true.
I know suboxone programs is very helpful for some people, it has for instance saved the life of my father. But I also know examples of guys who is in these programs that sells their own suboxone pills to old drug mates and make big money out of that. The guys "on the the street" that is still in an active drug use knows this, and often tries to use those guys who is in suboxone programs as a new source of drug access.
Write to me if you want to talk more, I know exactly how you feel....
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Delray Beach, Florida
Posts: 215
Listen to your inner voice, your instincts, your gut... Id bet he is back to his old habits ...and If it's not true he will get over being mad at you. If it is true, you will save yourself a lot of pain.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
What you see and hear is what you see and hear no matter how much sunshine he tries to put around his shady behavior.
He's trying to put this back on you with the you hurt me because you won't believe my lies like I want you to believe so I can get back to my shady behavior and try and hide it better................don't buy his BS, trust what you already know to be true.
He left a note saying I never believe him and how much this hurt him that's he's not doing anything wrong and he's going to his moms.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by uncaged 
So my ABF has been on a suboxone program and although I always hated the idea before I must say things have been going great. He is off of heroin, happy, acting like his "old self", participating in life, and has been working steadily at a new job. So, yes, he has been living back with me. When He isn't at work he is home and there has not been a question in my mind that he is using anything. However, I find my self still over analyzing every move such as every once in a while thinking he might be acting hyper. He was getting a weekly supply of suboxone which I see him take each morning and receives a weekly UA until recently they have trusted him with a two week supply and UA every two weeks. The rules of him living with me are absolutely not one single lie. I made it very clear I will not tolerate the smallest of lies and shady sneaky behavior. So... I'm Having a rough time tonight wondering if I handled this correctly. He doesn't have a phone yet because he needs to earn paying for his own phone and every time he has had one it leads to problems using it to meet Up for drugs and basically being a shady liar. He used a guy from his new jobs cellphone on only one occasion to ask me to drop off an item he needed for the job at a construction site. He wanted me to see him at work and what he does too. Later, after work he used the guys phone again to call me to ask if I would pick him up and we would go pick up his check. We agreed that he shouldn't make it a habit to bug people at work to use there phone. I pick him up and then tonight we are off to enjoy are night together and he was taking me out to dinner. Then my phone rings and it's the guy from his works number, my bf seemed nervous and said oh don't answer it I don't want to talk to him. The guy tries calling again and then texts that he "needs to talk to" my boyfriend. My bf again seems really irritated and nervous. One of my constant fights with him in the past is if you don't have things to hide you should be able to have conversations and phone calls as he used to hide phones or keep them off ect... So I pull over the car and tell him he's acting strange and to just call the guy back since its most likely about work. He calls him and looks worried. He right away says "hey I'm with my girlfriend!!" I start to silently freak out because this is what he does to stop someone from saying something that I will hear. I try to get close to the phone to hear. My bf quickly hangs up on him. The guy calls back and I grab the phone and push the button to answer it and I hear the guy say he has "been up for 24 hours " and then Start to ask if my bf can "do anything". I flipped out because I took it as he has either hooked him up with something already during work and he's asking for it again or they had a conversation about it at least. He was pretty persistent about calling. my bf is trying to say the guy has only lived in our area for a few months and was dropping hints quite a few times at work and that he tried to make it clear he doesn't drink or do anything else. He feels people look at him and assume he might know where to get drugs even though he looks more cleaned up now. He says the guy was saying slang words hinting at not being from here and not knowing where to find meth. I told him because he tried to hide it and was hanging up the phone and alerting the guy he's in front of his girlfriend that he knew what the conversation was going to be about....Asking where to get drugs, and the fact he didn't tell me and tried to hide it makes him guilty too so I told him I can't deal with him anymore and was upset and left. When I came home he was gone. I'm reacting harshly because if I give him one inch he will take a mile. Now I'm laying here all night questioning iif he really didn't have any involvement and was just avoiding the guy. Am I overreacting!!!!!! He left a note saying I never believe him and how much this hurt him that's he's not doing anything wrong and he's going to his moms. Well big surprise he's not at his moms and hasn't returned home. Any thoughts?
You felt something is wrong, because it's wrong. This wrong has something to do with drugs. That's all you need to know. I hope you will follow through with your boundary....
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Originally Posted by glitterdeva
From my personal experience of being married to heroin addict (6 years together) I can tell you one thing - TRUST YOUR GUT. I have been up for 24 hours means he hasn't slept in 24 hours and can you do something = can you get me some drugs. Period. A man that does not want anything to do with drugs would not be having ANYTHING close to these types of conversations. Maybe your bf gave this guy a sub, maybe he hooked him up with some upper, maybe they got high together and this guy is now sick and been up for 24 hours. You don't want to go on investigations because they will not lead to anything good and you will never know 100% (and this is coming from an experienced CIA agent, as I have spent 6 years monitoring my ex's every move).
You felt something is wrong, because it's wrong. This wrong has something to do with drugs. That's all you need to know. I hope you will follow through with your boundary....
You felt something is wrong, because it's wrong. This wrong has something to do with drugs. That's all you need to know. I hope you will follow through with your boundary....
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Originally Posted by mamaof3boyz
Listen to your inner voice, your instincts, your gut... Id bet he is back to his old habits ...and If it's not true he will get over being mad at you. If it is true, you will save yourself a lot of pain.
Bingo.
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Originally Posted by atalose
What you see and hear is what you see and hear no matter how much sunshine he tries to put around his shady behavior.
He's trying to put this back on you with the you hurt me because you won't believe my lies like I want you to believe so I can get back to my shady behavior and try and hide it better................don't buy his BS, trust what you already know to be true.
He's trying to put this back on you with the you hurt me because you won't believe my lies like I want you to believe so I can get back to my shady behavior and try and hide it better................don't buy his BS, trust what you already know to be true.
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